In the course of my recent search for freedom from pornography and other sexual addictions and heavily rooted in the Candeo program I am engaged in, I’ve seen realized the absolute necessity to correctly understand who I am and conversely, who I am NOT.
Falling in the mud doesn’t make one mud, nor does even willfully playing in the mud while having an understanding of the consequences lead to a transformation of a man back into the elements originally utilized to form his body. I am NOT my addictions.
It was truly refreshing to hear the strong refuting in the Candeo program of the “Once and addict, always an addict” philosophy so heavily taught in the social sciences. I had come accross this same firm stance that we are more than our behaviors a couple years back while reading The Alcholholism and Addiction Cure. In so many subtle and convincing ways we can come to believe that we are merely what we think or do. Even Batman said it so persuasively, “It’s not who I am underneath, it’s what I DO that defines me.”
Wow, I’m just realizing now just how harmful that philosophy can be to the thousands that find themselves trapped in bad habits and addictive behavior and who are looking for answers in fear.
I have definitley struggled against believing I was worthless. I haven’t always succeeded is seeing right, but at times I’ve felt a love beyond description that has surrounded me, made me to feel completely safe and that has given me sure confidence in who I am – a being of eternal light and infinite worth. In those wonderful moments I’ve glimpsed the eternities and felt assurance that everything would work out for the best. It’s that vision of myself to whom I aspire, to which I seek to conform my life to and it’s THAT being that so much is this world seeks to supress.
Through our actions & thoughts we can convince ourselves that the philosophies of man – that man is only man and can succeed by their own strength a – humanism – is true. By doing so we lose sight of the divinty within us, that part that understands truth naturally, that part that reaches out to others in love and concern for their well being, that part of us that truly realizes that we are all one, children of a living God. We can also begin to worship pleasure (hedonism), the mind (intellectualism) or the things which we can create (materialism); again, all leading to the same drab conclusion: that our existence has an end in ourselves.
The “true self” of which I’ve caught glimpses – by cutting through the darkness & filth of negative self talk, indulgence in the physical appetites & idleness – can only be understood by one seeking to find it. This means that behavior and thought don’t define us, but rather, that if properly practiced can lead us to understanding and seeing our true selves.
This leads me my next an investigation on the nature of truth, how to really know it or rather, how to see things as they really are & how to keep from being deceived by those who would tell lies & falsehoods for their own purposes: riches, popularity, power & gratifying the lusts of the flesh.
Glory to God
I was just contemplating such truth this morning…about knowing who we are and the importance that knowledge plays in our lives. While we do not have all the answers there is one who does, namely God. I am far from the person I need to be, I am learning every day just how much I need to remember that I am a child of God. The world will teach you everything BUT this most basic and essential belief. Satan wants us to forget this most precious relationship, so that we wander through this life believing that we are alone, groping in the darkness until we are left hopeless and despairing. One of the Lord’s modern day prophets, Boyd K. Packer taught this eternal truth, “Spiritually you are of noble birth, the offspring of the King of Heaven. Fix that truth in your mind and hold to it. However many generations in your mortal ancestry, no matter what race or people you represent, the pedigree of your spirit can be written on a single line. You are a child of God!” I know this is true, I strive to remember it every day of my life. As I “hold to this truth” it changes me; I act more like a child of God and calling upon my loving Father for help becomes my first resort (and not my last). Who better to lead me, to guide me, to comfort me, to teach me, to dry my tears and heal my aching heart; then a Father who sent His son to save me.
Identity seems to be a major theme being written about in today’s Christian circles. I just wrote a book review for a When Good Men Are Tempted. Speaks of this very thing:
http://www.covenanteyes.com/blog/2009/08/24/book-review-when-good-men-are-tempted/
Good teaching to be sure. Overall I believe there’s something even more profound and liberating than knowing who we are, but in knowing and getting lost in God.
John Piper has said something to the effect of, “No one goes to the Grand Canyon to improve their self-esteem.” He uses that expression to highlight the truth that there are some realities so grand and marvelous their value goes way beyond how they make us feel about ourselves. I have found I break free more and more from the grip of porn by not only seeing how God sees me (i.e. who I really am), but by beholding the wonder and greatness of God (i.e. who He really is).
Luke, thanks for the awesome comment! I love it! A man I admire greatly once taught that we cannot know ourselves without knowing God. To know ourselves is to know God and his will for us. Thanks for your review too! I think I’m going to check out the book.
I think I have seen you from the outside-in. Or should I say from the inside-out, from the beginning. And what I’ve always ‘known’ of you is that you are the wonderful person you are on the inside that has made me feel how beautiful you are on the outside. I guess it’s kind of like that little saying “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” Or how this one pictures depicts how the Savior sees us. I guess this is why I’ve taken your ‘difficulties’ for granted. Because I just haven’t seen you as having this problem. My thoughts have always been positive about you and I’ve never seen you as any different. Just like another friend of mine who is Bi-Polar. Yes she had a hard time finding medications to get on and getting on them was tough. Finding one to help her be stable in her daily life was draining at times. A very emotional road. Yet, never once did I look at her as different or having problems. I love her for her. Just as I have always loved you for you! We are all human and we all make mistakes and we all have difficulties to go through…so I just don’t see how you are so “different”. I mean, not that your not special, I’ve just never seen you as being this horrible person because of this addiction/difficulty. I’m sorry this is a road you have been on for so long. Yet I’m NOT sorry that it’s a road to recovery for you. I feel your positive energy as you are putting this all behind you. Though it is a long road to recovery, it’s not going to happen over night. I see. What a better feeling of freedom than to be completely free of staining poisons and pollutions of your mind. To be 100% completely virtuos in your thoughts….Ahhhh, the freedom! The clean hands!