Posts Tagged ‘sexuality’



Sexual Sin – Not the Problem, But A Symptom

February 12th, 2010

John Piper talks about sexual sin and what’s at the root, a lack of connection with God. It’s a symptom of the disease, not the disease.

Thousands are walking away from their dreams that can impact others in a positive nature because of the effects of their failed attempts at sexuality.

Guilt and a sense of unworthiness bleeds down into a sense of spiritual powerlessness, of carnal security and strip us of our amazing dreams and we settle for middle class happiness.

Theology, with passion for Jesus can conquer biology.

Beautifully said.

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Compulsive Sex

January 9th, 2010

Have you or someone you know become “addicted” to sex? Do you find your compulsion so overpowering that it seems insatiable at times? Well you’re not alone. There are many others who struggle just like you. But be aware that many now enjoy happy lives free from this frustration and there’s hope for you too!

Many reasons could lead to the compulsion to engage in sex or sexual behavior. Abuse ranks among the top reasons. If this is the case in your situation, know that it’s not your fault and that you can obtain a happy and emotionally burden free life. Discuss the proper course of action with a clergyman and/or a professional counselor. They can help you release any unnecessary guilt or shame you may be feeling about your abuse.

Now, if your behavior has moved into you acting out with others, while part of that would have come from your past experiences, you’re going to find it helpful to resolve those issues and feelings so that you don’t continue the cycle of hurt and pain that leads to risky sexual behavior. You can obtain this freedom. Compulsive sexual behavior can be understood and curbed. Again, turning to others for help will most likely be a tough, but necessary step.

Most likely along the way you’ve learned some falsehoods about yourself, about proper and meaningful relationship and about the role of sex in a loving and committed relationship like marriage, so deciding to dedicate yourself to education will be an essential step in gaining mastery over your compulsive urges to have sex. Even within a marriage where sex can have proper context and meaning, compulsivity can lead to damaging the other necessary components of the relationship, like mutual respect, consideration and positive communication.

If you’d like to learn how addictions to sex work in the brain and how to think correctly about sexuality, sign up at the right for a free mini-course. Note: This course addresses pornography & masturbation as well as “sex & love addicts“. If you experience sexual compulsivity it is highly recommended that you seek individual professional help in addiction to signing up for this course.

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Sex & Love Addicts

January 8th, 2010

In his powerfully profound book Human Intimacy Victor Brown describes the tendency many have to confuse love an intimacy with sex. While sex is a component of the most sacred and purest intimacy that can be enjoyed by husband and wide, it is definitely not synonymous with love or intimacy.

“Sex addict” is a term used to describe those who have come to find they cannot resist or live without sex. Because there is often a void they are seeking to fill, a loving relationship, the term “love addict” also is used at times. While I disagree with calling people addicts, I do know first had the power of addiction.

When a person becomes trapped by their sexuality, a prison like no other is formed. When someone is addicted to heroin they can go somewhere where there is none and detox. Sexual addictions can be one of the hardest to break because we carry with us at all times the “drug of choice.” All one needs is a moment to fantasize and the chemicals are released into the brain. And when others are involved with the “addict” it becomes a trap that deadens and destroys relationships.

“Bridle your passions that you may be filled with love,” is a wise statement on so many levels. Imagine your passion and drive for sex to be a horse. Which scenario delivers the freedom you desire – A bucking bronco with the rope tied at his groin or the tamed and broken stallion with the rope attached to a harness, giving you direction and control of his movements?

Are you or someone you know addicted to sex? You’re not alone. Wherever you find people you’ll find others trying to exploit those base desires. But you always have a choice and can overcome if you you’ve found yourself addicted to sex or love. There IS hope! Many others have found themselves addicted and have also found their way out. You can too!

Sign up to the right for a free mini-course to learn more about how the brain experiences addiction and what how you can use it for breaking your pornography addiction.

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Sexual Addicts

January 4th, 2010

Addiction is a well understood phenomenon and these days with our growing capacity to look inside the human genetic structure and brain, that knowledge is ever increasing. Sexual addiction is sometimes not seen as a real addiction and occasionally it’s called a compulsion rather that an addiction, but sexual “addicts” know that despite their efforts to curb their undesirable behaviors, they’re trapped.

Sexuality is at the very core of our identity. It’s part of our very nature and like other addictions, addiction to sex or other sexual behavior can cause immense suffering, frustration and even very real danger.

While addictions to sex and sexual behavior exists it’s often very helpful for the one struggling to not classify themselves as “addicts,” but rather as capable and competent people who have become addicted. You will always he a being of light and great worth. You won’t always have an addiction, so learn now not to label yourself as an addict. It’s a struggle, not who you are. You can change. There is hope. Grab hold of it!

Now because there are all kinds of sexual behavior that one can engage in and subsequently find oneself trapped, it is not my intention to get into each one, but rather to touch on some of the beliefs that are common to them all.

Beliefs are our perception, views, attitudes and they color the way we see the world. Along the way those with a sexual addiction have come to adapt false and harmful beliefs. A good recovery program will help one sort out these and allow for adoption of healthy ones. Here are a few of the beliefs that can hinder healing:

1. “I’m all alone.” No, you’re not. There are people who understand what you’re going through and people that are eager to help.

2. “I’m not addicted.” Whether this is true or not ask yourself the questions, “am I happy? Am I getting the most out my life?” You may see your behavior in a very new light when evaluated in the context of your life goals.

3. “I‘m not hurting anyone.” As humans we need others. If you’re behavior is solitary you are building a wall between you and a real connection with other others. If your behavior is with others then you are jeopardizing your potential for a full and powerful relationship that one who builds unevenly upon sexual relations cannot ever achieve.

If you have thought any of these things please take a moment to fill your name and email in the form to the right for a free mini-course on understanding your sexual addiction and how to escape the misconception of being a sexual addict.

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Sex Addicts Anonymous

December 29th, 2009

Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) is an organization formed to help those who struggle with compulsive sexual behaviors. It was founded after the great tradition of Alcoholics Anonymous and their landmark 12 Step program of healing from addiction to alcohol.

Because of their group approach many find an immediate benefit from attending meetings: breaking the secrecy. Keeping inside struggles of any sort is difficult, not to mention one that lies at the very core of who we are.

Our sexuality was instilled in us by a loving Heavenly Father for the purpose of drawing men and women together in committed and loving relationships to form families and to provide a place for children to learn vital lessons that will prepare them to experience happiness in life through healthy relationships with themselves and others.

A core principle of SAA is honesty. If you can’t be open to yourself about the nature and details of your addiction then it will continue to have power of you. Stating the problem is a powerful step in conquering your compulsions.

Another great strength that’s to be found in the 12 steps of SAA is the confession you’ll make to God and perhaps more importantly, to yourself, that you are powerless to solve your addiction alone. Many, if not most, addicts feel that they are alone. They feel like no one can understand them and that their problem is theirs alone. They feel that it affects no one else and that they can overcome it by themselves. A confession of this sort opens the door to healing and learning how powerful healthy interactions with others can be in your recovery.

Another step is to help others who struggle gain their footing as they begin on their own journey of recovery. This is a way to “pay it forward,” but it also is a way to more firmly cement your recovery. The teacher so often learns much more by teaching.

With these and other principles to help you in your recovery, Sexual Addicts Anonymous may be right for you. Either way, learning about your addiction, being open to sharing with others and committing to do something now all are necessary steps. Freedom IS possible. To receive a free mini-course that teaches powerful principles to those addicted to internet porn fill out the form to the right.

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Pornography has Real Consequences

November 17th, 2009

I picked up a book several weeks ago that I should have left alone, but it gave a definition of pornography that I found particularly cavalier and destructive. The definition was something to the effect that porn was anything that people wanted to suppress and hide about the human body. The attitude was one of discrediting anyone that thought nudity and sexuality shouldn’t be openly embraced. The message was clearly one justifying such a stance.

Over time I’ve learned that many have been fooled into believing that there’s no such thing as right and wrong. It’s interesting how these words can call like sirens. They flatter the unaware listener and say there’s no devil, that there’s no God and that man is free to do what he wants without consequence.

Well, how unattractive would the Hollywood blockbuster be that actually showed the long-term consequences of an all night kegger or the loss of ability of one to connect really with others as they squander their efforts with one-night stands?

Despite the effort of many to disassociate natural consequences from action we will one day have to account for our actions. Facing the music shouldn’t be our sole motivation for seeking out and living according to truth, but it’s a reminder ever now and then to not heed the smooth lies that abound all around us.

Truth: There are natural outcomes to all actions, thoughts, attitudes and feelings. The closer I look the better I can see what leads to what. I will be patient with myself as I watch and pray always that I am not led into temptation.

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