Last week I moved to a new city in a new state for work. I had been telling myself that when the move happened I would start a new life, leave behind all the past. Well, the funny thing about that is that we always take ourselves with us when we go anywhere. So, if I wasn’t willing to change before I left then a move by itself wouldn’t magically cause that to surface. Change is a decision. Decisions happen in the present. I decide now to change.
So, I went to an SA meeting last night out here just as something to do. I didn’t have a real strong dedication to engage in a recovery activity, but rather wanted to see a friend. However, in the meeting I was reminded by the honesty in the room that I’m not alone. I think that I’ve been pretty laid back for the last few months about recovery. While stringent adherence I’ve learned can sometimes cause stress and unnecessary guilt, I’ve also learned that approaching recovery in a casual, non-intentional way can lead to similarly frustrating results.
I writing now to remember that the addict inside of me doesn’t just go away because I ignore him. I’m writing to remind myself that I have so much going for me and when I fail to stop and recognize that, and be grateful for that, I so easily get sucked into addictive cycles. I’m writing to remember that I’m loved no matter what I do. I’m writing to build my commitment and dedication to seek good.
I know there’s purpose in everything. So while I’m here working, I want to make the best of my time. I will be intentional. I will think ahead and make plans for my successful navigation of life’s challenges. I will learn along the way and not be too hard on myself for making mistakes. I can learn from even mistakes and grow from even falling.
Have you ever felt so down, so clouded by darkness, so broken, so low on self-esteem or so hopeless that you felt trapped, chained, stuck or bound? This is how it can feel at times for those who struggle with a porn addiction. If you or someone you know needs help in overcoming a porn addiction, you’ve come to the right place.
When someone first looks at pornography the thought that immediately precedes the session typically isn’t, “I really hope this one time is enough to get me hooked!” however, this is often all it takes. What once began with curiosity quickly turns into obsession, then with repetition the desire grows until the desire becomes insatiable. As tolerance grows one looks at more and different kinds of pornography to get the same high and can even lead to the desire to act out what is being seen. Danger to self, others and even criminality may be the outcome of what began as an innocent curiosity.
I personally know the pain that occurs in this trap of pornography and have had many friends lose loved ones to the selfish cycle, destroying families and marring character and self-esteem. If you’re trapped in an addiction to porn let me give you three ways to begin now to break free.
1. Get Honest. If you never admit to yourself the true nature of where your addiction has brought you, you’ll never be successful at recovery and full healing. Admit also to yourself the person you really know you are and can be. Let the heavens guide your impressions about yourself. You are powerful and of infinite worth!
2. Get Real. Addictions are almost never stopped alone. You need others. So once you’ve admitted the nature of your addiction and where you want to go, admit it to someone you can trust: a family member, clergyman, a professional counselor or all the above. This breaks a strong chain the addiction has over you.
3. Get Cookin’. Your addiction will not go away with time. You don’t just grow out of it. If it’s a real addiction it will get worse unless you do something about it. It will become easier as you admit to yourself, to God and to others. You’ll then need to take the necessary steps of learning about your patterns, what you need to do to curb it and how to clean up any messes that you made as a result of it.
Porn addiction help is available. You can be free from these chains and you can be free sooner than later. Choose today to get started. That’s all it takes to begin, a choice. Fill in the form to the right for a powerfully free e-course that is helping thousands overcome compulsive sex, pornography addiction and masturbation.
Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) is an organization formed to help those who struggle with compulsive sexual behaviors. It was founded after the great tradition of Alcoholics Anonymous and their landmark 12 Step program of healing from addiction to alcohol.
Because of their group approach many find an immediate benefit from attending meetings: breaking the secrecy. Keeping inside struggles of any sort is difficult, not to mention one that lies at the very core of who we are.
Our sexuality was instilled in us by a loving Heavenly Father for the purpose of drawing men and women together in committed and loving relationships to form families and to provide a place for children to learn vital lessons that will prepare them to experience happiness in life through healthy relationships with themselves and others.
A core principle of SAA is honesty. If you can’t be open to yourself about the nature and details of your addiction then it will continue to have power of you. Stating the problem is a powerful step in conquering your compulsions.
Another great strength that’s to be found in the 12 steps of SAA is the confession you’ll make to God and perhaps more importantly, to yourself, that you are powerless to solve your addiction alone. Many, if not most, addicts feel that they are alone. They feel like no one can understand them and that their problem is theirs alone. They feel that it affects no one else and that they can overcome it by themselves. A confession of this sort opens the door to healing and learning how powerful healthy interactions with others can be in your recovery.
Another step is to help others who struggle gain their footing as they begin on their own journey of recovery. This is a way to “pay it forward,” but it also is a way to more firmly cement your recovery. The teacher so often learns much more by teaching.
With these and other principles to help you in your recovery, Sexual Addicts Anonymous may be right for you. Either way, learning about your addiction, being open to sharing with others and committing to do something now all are necessary steps. Freedom IS possible. To receive a free mini-course that teaches powerful principles to those addicted to internet porn fill out the form to the right.
Are you or someone you know seeking help with a porn addition? Well, you’ve come to the right place! I too am on the same journey. In my seeking to know more about porn addiction I’ve learned a few vital keys that seem obvious to me now, but weren’t so obvious before I began my quest to break free from porn addiction. I’d like to share a few of those insights with the hope that someone struggling with an addiction to pornography may find them useful & gain a hope of deliverance.
Powerful urges have been placed inside all of us. Were it not so, man & woman may have never joined together, bringing beautiful souls into the world. They we’d not be able to grow to our fullest capacity in complete unity & love. These urges are a gift from a loving Father in Heaven.
The brain has a way to make false sexual encounters, i.e. those with pornography, masturbation, etc seem real. The same chemicals are released during those counterfeit activities as are released during real sexual relations. The real deal has the power to thus bind husband & wife together & again, allow for children to be born into the world.
False beliefs about self can feed into one’s indulgent cycle. I have often felt inferior to others, a discrediting of my abilities & what I “deserve” in life. For a long time I didn’t feel worthy of love from another. This laid a ripe foundation for my involvement with porn and masturbation. Not cool!
My Heavenly Father loves me no matter what! Whatever your religious beliefs it is common to feel disconnected from your spiritual source. This equates into feeling disconnected with others, who are a vital source of strength & help in any pornography recovery and healing. I learned that I am never alone & that my actions affect others always.
I learned this & many more things along my path to freedom from porn addiction. If you or someone you know are aching inside & seeking help with a porn addiction please consider joining me on a powerful journey of transformation that’s been helping thousands. Simply fill in your name & email at the right for some free information that will give you incredible ability to leave behind pornography & find true joy.
In the sexual addiction recovery program I’ve been going through, I’ve been pleased to engage in a little exercise that’s allowed me to get in between any stimulus and my automatic response to it. Essentially it helps me see that I have a choice in every situation. Because I can see myself talking about it often in my Freedom Journal I wanted to make special mention of it and give a little background on what it entails.
First, I notice temptations or triggers. This takes some practice. Second, I stop what I’m doing, get up (or sit down as the case may be) and begin deep breathing (about 6 seconds in and 6 seconds out). With each breathe out I share with my Father in Heaven something I am grateful for. I do this 5 times. Third, I talk to the temptation and re-frame the situation to reflect the truth and my goals instead of the deceptions I’ve ingrained in my mind through repetitiously following my impulses. Forth, I envision my goals and good things and bring into my awareness the feeling of success. I enjoy it and bask in it for a while. Lastly, I reach out and connect to another by doing something nice for them, a smile, a compliment, a nice text message or call just to say I was thinking of them.
Take a list of common temptations that lead you to indulge in your undesired sexual behavior. Each day spend some time morning and night practicing this little technique with each of those situations so that when you actually DO face them you’ll have given your brain a way to face and address them rather than giving in. There’s only one big difference between real life facing and replacing and your practice sessions and that is you’re going to have to imagine the temptation in your mind. When you begin to feel the strength of it, that’s when you begin breathing. At first it may seem like you’re inviting temptation, but keep practicing and you’ll break the associations you’ve formed over time.
This has been just one of the powerful techniques in a broader program of healing. It’s helpful to understand this tool in context. To check out my reviews of the program click on one of the following links. From each page you’ll be given a link that will give you access to free educational audio programs about recovery and the brain science behind porn addiction as well as masturbation and other sexual addictions.
Note: The Face it. Replace it. Connect. method is not my own. I learned it from the Candeo Pornography Addiction Recovery Program and made some of my own adjustments. To me, this process has become somewhat of a prayer to me. It has become my expression of faith, or rather the action I have chosen to do to follow my Savior to become pure as he is pure.
I’ve been thinking a lot recently about what’s most important in life and why. It seems to me that knowing this would add meaning & power to my healing & recovery from pornography addiction. Again and again in small and simple, yet profound ways the answer has come to me: People matter most. How I interact with others determines the quality of my life.
There is a great teaching in many religions that can be summarized by the simple words of the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Ghandi said it this way, “be the change you wish to see in the world.” These sayings invite us to look inward and to focus on changing our own behavior. How wise indeed, for no man can change the habits of another unless he inspires action through the power of his own right conduct. We can only change ourselves.
Treating others with kindness because it’s how we’d like to be treated is a great reason to live a life of service. Looking deeper we can find that the reason these teachings exist is because our very understanding of life’s deepest truths can only be fully understood as we give ourselves to the aid of others.
Last week as I got ready for my day I had the strong impression that “we need each other.” The thought came seemingly out of the blue although it was preceeded by a smile and quick memory about my girlfriend. The thought however of us all needing each other sunk in deep during the moments that followed.
I recalled times where I had felt like I wanted escape being around others or that I could understand life without the help of others. I even felt that I could overcome my pornography addiction without the others, just me and God, that’s all I needed. Ironically, I often came to those feelings while reading books…written by, yup, others. I also would feel this superman-like determination after a relapse and because I was embarrassed to tell anyone of what I had done.
The power of connecting emotionally with others allows love flow freely as we give our energies; our time, our thoughts and prayers, our skills and passions, our laughter and our true understanding gained through lives experiences – to those around us. Indeed, it is ONLY through these, often difficult efforts, that any lasting connection can be made. Victor Brown said in his powerful book Human Intimacy: Illusion & Reality, “marriage (and for that matter, all relationships) is not for emotional weaklings.”
It’s so easy to overlook the debt which we owe to our fellow man…for just about EVERYTHING. I love to play the guitar. However, my enjoyment of this hobby would have been severely limited without the efforts of the thousands who came before me; those who studied acoustics, those that build prototypes who failed and tried again, those that diligently observed and documented the relationships between notes, those who sored to great musical heights and inspire greatness and those who took incentive to finance and manufacture the creation of affordable guitars. My enjoyment has been developed over centuries and I am the beneficiary. I owe those people a debt of gratitude.
When we truly see and feel the connection we have to others – that they are part of us, our brothers and sisters – we can open up and fully give of ourselves to them and in so doing know that all we give will be returned to us. In fact, we cannot fully receive that which we do not also give. Kindness is repaid with kindness. The healing of forgiveness is obtained when we afford it to others. We help others and in doing so we only help ourselves. This was beautifully illustrated in The Celestine Prophecy, a novel by James Redfield made motion picture in 2006 (watch through about 4:15)
Perhaps this is why the final step in the Alcoholics Anonymous 12 Step Program is to give back and to share your story with others. We share our experiences to learn of ourselves. We gain freedom and hope as we share freedom and hope with others. Because love is such a powerful key to avoiding the pitfalls of pornography addiction it’s essential to learn to give love and to serve.
Shedding light on the truths of pornography use, instilling hope in those that are caught in the darkness of addiction, inspiring action and providing tips & tools to help facilitate the success that will come to all those who wish it.