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101 Questions About Pornography – What’s YOUR Question?

July 27th, 2010

So, I get anxious each day wondering what I should be doing. It’s only when I sit down and really meditate & pray on where my energies would be best spent that I access truly meaningful direction. Maybe it’s just me, but I think it’s good every once in a while to head to the mountains and think about where I’m going in life. So, in one of my latest flashes of inspiration I’ve decided to spend some time answering questions that you have about pornography, addiction and the like.

My intention is to take all the questions I gather up and go to the experts: those who have overcome addictions as well as those working with others to overcome their addiction to pornography. Some answers may come as blog posts, others as podcasts (audio interviews) and some as videos.

I’ve kick-started the list of questions to have answered. These are questions I’ve either asked myself or have heard people ask. I encourage you to ask your questions in the comment section below or to otherwise contact me with your most pressing questions about pornography and addiction. Then make sure you’ve signed up with the form at the right to be notified as each answer comes out. I look forward to answering your questions!!

Understanding Pornography & Pornographers

1. What exactly is pornography?
2. Porn is just porn when there’s nudity & sex, right?
3. About what age to people typically 1st see porn?
4. Do pornographers really want me addicted or just to go about legitimately selling their product?
5. Where does my money go if I buy porn?
6. If I just look at free porn I’m not supporting the industry, right?
7. What’s the effect of porn on those creating it? What goes on behind the scenes in the creation of pornography?

Something May Be Wrong: Am I Addicted? (Sincere Questions)

8. If I look at porn, can I become addicted?
9. How do I know if I’m addicted to pornography?
10. I’ve heard “once and addict, always an addict.” Is this true with porn addiction?
11. I struggle to not look at porn, do I have an addiction?
12. Everyone says watching porn is okay…why do I feel so bad?
13. Why is porn everywhere nowadays?
14. Do I need to see a doctor about my porn addiction?
15. Where can I read more about porn addiction?
16. Are there any lasting effects of watching porn?
17. Is porn addiction genetic?
18. What’ the typical profile of someone who’s addicted to porn?

In Need of Hope

19. I started w/ porn, but now am involved sexually. Is it too late for me?
20. I’ve tried to stop watching porn before. Can I really do it this time?
21. I’ve tried everything! How can I once and for all overcome pornography addiction?
22. Can people really break porn addictions or are they just wired that way?

Understanding Addiction

23. What role does fear play in a porn addiction?
24. What’s the role of fantasy in a porn addiction?
25. What’s the role of shame in perpetuating a porn addiction?
26. What role does secrecy play in a pornography addiction?

Porn & the Brain (Porn as a Drug)

27. Why do I always “zone out” when I start thinking of porn? It’s like I can’t do anything else until I look at porn.
28. I’ve heard pornography is like a drug. How?
29. How can porn be addictive if you don’t ingest it?
30. If I see porn once will I always have those images in my head?
31. I’ve seen some pretty bad porn. Will it ever leave my mind?
32. How long does it take to forget the porn I’ve seen?
33. What happens in my brain when I look at porn?

Porn & Relationships

34. Can I watch porn and still have a healthy attitude towards women?
35. Can I overcome an addiction to pornography alone?
36. Can porn change the way I think about women?
37. How can my relationships with others help me in overcoming a porn addiction?
38. I already stopped watching porn. Do I still need to tell somebody about it?
39. How does pornography use affect my relationships?

Porn, Marriage & the Family

40. Can porn really destroy my marriage?
41. How do I tell my spouse about my struggles with porn?
42. My wife said she’d divorce me if she ever caught me looking at porn. I looked. What do I do?!
43. Won’t my addiction to pornography go away when I get married?
44. I’ve got porn, so why get married?
45. Why is porn more exciting than sex with my spouse?
46. What’s the difference between porn & sex within marriage?
47. Can I use porn to spice up my marriage?

Opening Up: Breaking the Silence

48. I feel like I’ll be rejected if I tell others about my porn problem.
49. How can I talk to my parents about my porn problem?
50. How can I overcome my embarrassment to tell someone about my struggle with porn?
51. I’m a public official, sharing my problem will harm many people, should I still come clean?
52. Why is it important to be accountable (i.e. report) to someone else for my porn problem?

Breaking Addiction

53. What can a 12 Step program do to help me break my porn addiction?
54. How can I stop watching porn?
55. What can my life be like without pornography?
56. What’s the role of gratitude in breaking a porn addiction?
57. What’s the role of service in overcoming a porn addiction?
58. Are there any meds I can take to stop my porn addiction?
59. What activities work best to replace my need for porn?
60. Why do I keep going back to porno even though I hate it?
61. What’s the most important thing I can do to break my porn addiction?
62. Are there affirmations I can use to change my attitudes and beliefs about porn and people?
63. Can I use hypnosis to stop my porn addiction?
64. Are there warning signs that someone is addicted to porn?

Addiction Prevention & Maintenance

65. What can I do on a daily basis to prevent porn addiction?
66. How do I identify the triggers that pull me back into my porn addiction?
67. I feel like I have no choice. Why can’t I stop looking at porn?
68. I know I should stop looking at porn, but don’t want to. What can I do?

The Pull

69. The urges to view porn are so overwhelming. How do I prepare to face the urges to view porn?
70. It feels like I’ll die if I don’t get porn. Why are these urges so strong?

Relapse

71. I just totally indulged in porn. What now?
72. If I’ve already relapsed why not just do it some more?
73. Is there a healthy way to deal with relapse?

Spiritual Questions

74. Will I go to Hell if I look at porn?
75. I’m a Christian, why am I still tempted to look at porn?
76. How can I involve God in my recovery from porn addiction?

Setting Healthy Boundaries

77. What do I do if I can access porn at work?
78. I have co-workers/friends that give me porn. What should I do?
79. I’m on the computer all day, what can I do to help prevent using porn?

What’s the Big Deal? Common Rationalizations

80. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with porn. Why should I stop?
81. Isn’t porn a good place to learn about sex?
82. How can I protect myself against the effects of porn?
83. What’s so bad about porn?
84. Is porn really that big of a problem?
85. Is the industry really out to get me? Seems like a scare tactic.
86. Isn’t it true that all guys look at porn?
87. Some say you can’t be addicted to porn because it’s not a substance. Is that true?
88. I only look at porn a little, what’s the big deal?
89. It’s my choice to look at porn if I want to, why don’t people get off my back?
90. Will looking at porn make me go blind?
91. My favorite magazine says that porn’s okay? Are they right? If not, why do they say it?
92. Will boundaries, like a filter, really help me with my porn addiction? I can just get around it.
93. What’s wrong with just looking once at porn to see what it’s like?
94. If porn feels so good, how can it be so bad?
95. I feel so low. Porn makes me feel normal. Why stop?
96. Is there ever a time when porn use is okay?

Taking a Stand: Community Advocacy

97. Aren’t there laws against pornography?
98. What can I do to keep porn out of my community?
99. What can I do to keep porn out of my home?
100. Is it important to talk openly about porn @ home even if there’s no problem?
101. How do I know if someone I love is struggling with porn?

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Porn Addiction & A 17 Year Old Looking For Answers

July 20th, 2010

Yahoo Answers 300x136 Porn Addiction & A 17 Year Old Looking For AnswersSo, I was browsing around Yahoo Answers today and found a 17 year old Christian kid who was struggling to find answers to his struggle with pornography and masturbation. You can see his situation and my answer to him over there, but as I started to read the other answers that he was getting I was sad to see all the falsehoods and lies he was getting thrown at him. I started to understand why so many are being led away from powerful, positive solutions. The responses nearly all echoed the same sediment, “there’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing.” And giving some reason why it was completely justifiable. I am finding that those answers mimic what’s being pushed in the popular media and fear that they are completely reckless. I didn’t have enough space  to address them on Answers, so I wanted to address them here.

“is better for you to masturbate then to have sex with random women”

- True, but don’t let that be a permission to masturbate. They are not mutually exclusive. You don’t need to do one in order to keep from doing the other.

“…real women want to be respected. as long as you remember that, then porn is not damaging for you.”

- Pornography molds and shapes our perceptions of women with the help of one of the most powerful conditioning systems we have built into our bodies. When we see women in pornography being treated as objects, as things to get sexual pleasure from and then we masturbate and ejaculate to that image, it become part of us, we begin to crave those things because we’ve told our brains, this image, what they’re doing on the screen is what arouses me…so, in pure obedience, your brain starts to get you excited when you see similar scenes to those you pleased yourself with. Scientists have actually conditioned people with pornography to get aroused when they see common objects. THAT’S the problem with porn, it breeds unhealthy connections in our brain. And that’s one reason why sex within marriage serves to cement the relationship, we become “bonded” to our spouse and we’re more likely to do things to protect them, share love with them and to grow with them. Beautiful setup actually.

“It’s normal to view porn when ur online but it’s just like watching something you enjoy”

- It is in the sense that you’re releasing pleasure chemicals in the brain, but releasing them through sports and a fun date is MUCH different than releasing them in conjunction with images & masturbation as I explained above.

“I highly doubt that God minds it if you watch porn. I’m sure he has better things to be worrying about.”

- God has NOTHING more important to worry about than YOU and your happiness. In fact, that’s ALL he does. Everything he’s done if the that very purpose. He’s provided a Savior. He created this world. He gave you a body so you can learn how to work with it and eventually become like him.

“But seriously, watching porn isn’t any worse than fantasizing.”

- He’s right, and neither lead to a clear conscience nor meaningful uplifting thoughts about and actions towards your sisters in Christ. If you have a sister, think, “what would I think if some dude were thinking of her the way I’m thinking of this girl.” Fantasy has been shown to be a big part of addiction and can even conjure up the same chemicals in the brain that occur during porn use. He who masters his thoughts triumphs in the greatest of all battles.

“You aren’t hurting anyone,”

- Ha! The biggest lie. You’re hurting yourself first and foremost because you’re sapping yourself slowly of future and present ability to relate on a level beyond sex. One reason “guys always think of sex” is that they feed those thoughts and think this very thought, I’m not hurting anyone. Just because people don’t see the sin, doesn’t mean that they don’t react to the subtle changes in who you’re becoming.  Because porn tends to draw people inward you also are stealing from each person that could have been lifted up by your special and unique talents. Now this doesn’t mean that if you looked at porn once you can never bless another’s life. It’s not that cut & dry, but in little ways over time you can come to turn away from people.

“You aren’t even having sex.”

- Righteousness by comparison never was a logical way to live. I didn’t kill the man…so beating him senseless is alright?! Poor reasoning!

“It’s normal and healthy to get to know yourself sexually by masturbating.”

A wise man once said something the effect of we come to know ourselves only as we come to know God. Because he is the source of all truth we can access all the information we need to really know ourselves. “Knowing” yourself in the above way is a false idea. By masturbating we falsely come to see ourselves as sexual being 1st, rather than spiritual beings. The consequence is so often the very ideas expressed throughout these answers and porn itself, that my pleasure matters above all other things. Putting God first we can see the proper place for sexuality in our lives and it can be much more beautiful than any mere physical sensation of orgasm.

“You should be damn great full young man that that’s’ all you have to worry about in this life?”

- Again, God individually attends to our needs. He’s God, he can do that. Truly there are great problems in the world, but the suffering of another or even a group doesn’t negate the severity of your suffering. Now it may be that thinking of this may help you to say, man, I don’t have time to look at porn, I gotta help save the world. In which case, cool. But don’t ever think that God has better things to attend to. He  can walk and chew gum, I PROMISE!

“christians are not even suppose to talk about it”

- Not true! Talk about sexuality with people who respect and revere it. Gain your own respect for it. When you feel awkward about something, pushing it down only leads to it problems. Don’t “locker-room” talk it, but spend some time learning how important and sacred it is, that’ll help a lot.

“there is no solution [it] is part of life.”

There IS a solution! You CAN life with greater peace! Confession does help, but it’s through the atonement of Jesus Christ that you can learn to become stronger so that when temptations come you do as Christ did, give them no heed.

If you have ever thought any of the above thoughts, learn the truth about addition and how to win the fight with pornography addiction. Sign up for our Destination Freedom Map and check out the Candeo Recovery Program. You can listen to their free podcasts (very helpful) and also get a trial period for their powerful brain reprograming training & coaching. Some Christian guys started it, so you get the best of both worlds!

I ended my answer to him the same way I will leave you: You can do it! You’re an amazing person. I know that because God created no junk…you’re his son. Ask him to help you remember that always.

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Pornography Addiction Recovery

December 31st, 2009

While a darkness can mask this hope to anyone involved in such an addiction, there IS hope. A recovery from an addiction to pornography is possible! Occasionally hopelessness can lead to an apathetic attitude and even serve to cause the one with the addiction to conclude that there’s nothing wrong with their behavior, changing at times prior to values and beliefs that didn’t accept this kind of behavior.

Apathy is hard to combat; however, even the skeptic can come to understand a greater picture of what life has in store for those who learn to “bridle their passions.” While pornography use, most often accompanied by masturbation, can become the default solution to many of life’s situations in which we feel boredom, loneliness, stress, anger, tiredness, hunger, fear and other emotions, if there is a sense that there’s a better way within the mind of awareness of the so-called addict then there’s enough to provide a foundation to begin a successful recovery.

Because there’s a tendency within many to not be pushed or forced to do things one addicted to porn often has to recognize this feeling this whispering from within. If they take a moment to consider this they’ll often understand that there IS a way to life that generates greater happiness. When any bitterness or resistance is let go of the process can begin to flourish.

Recovery is a process. It’s learning how to think, how to act and how to feel in order to have a healthy and rewarding lifestyle. Recovery is also going to involve at some point learning how to connect with others in meaningful ways. This doesn’t mean that you need to become a social butterfly, simply that the relationships you do have take on new life and become stranger and powerfully beneficial.

Recovery is most often effective when it’s part of a structured plan that can be engaged in on a daily basis. Consistency is a necessity to changing behavior.

If you’d like to free mini course that shows how to overcome pornography addiction and includes assignments and pod casts sign up to the right. You’ll also have the chance to join a great program that’s helped many on their journey to recovery from pornography addiction.

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Break Porn Addiction

December 28th, 2009

Breaking any habit can be tough, not to mention one that is reinforced with strong chemical bond in the brain. This is exactly what a porn addiction is, a powerful bond formed in the brain to the experience of pornography viewing, reinforced greatly by the presence of masturbation.

Pornography addiction is a drug addiction. Mark Kastleman in his book The Drug of the New Millennium identifies the chemical released during a session of pornography and self-stimulation. These chemicals are the same as the ones present during a loving sexual interaction between husband and wife. The problem is that when these chemicals are released during porn viewing it leads to a powerful bond with the fake relationship instead of a real one with a partner. One comes to give anything for an image instead of their beloved companion.

While addictions are hard to break, it can be done! You can break your porn addiction. Many feel trapped and hopeless, like they are unique in some way that excludes them from the joy to be felt in life when emotional and other challenges are faced head on and dealt with productively rather than turning to at “drug of choice.”

Along with this understanding it’s also important to know that through learning correct principles, through applying them and through doing it on a consistent basis one ca break even the powerful bonds of a porn addiction.

The sex drive that’s been placed in each one of us is a precious gift that can unite a man and wife and allow for natural growth that surpasses any attempt at self-gratification through masturbation and pornography

To break free from the darkness of pornography you’re going to need a little light to illuminate the path. Truth is this way to freedom. Learning the truth of your addiction will brighten your hope and give you the courage needed to succeed. As you act on the truth you find you’ll slowly gain a character that will be able to stand up to the temptations you have to engage in pornography.

Check out the mini-course at the right to check out some powerful information that’s helped thousands who are addicted to masturbation, pornography and other sexual behaviors.

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Pornography Addiction Help

December 25th, 2009

Are you looking for help with a pornography addiction? Good, that shows that you at least realize that it is a problem and undesirable in the long run to your happiness. Before we discuss some helps I wish to underscore the importance of two key elements of successful recovery from any addiction:

First, hope. Know that deliverance is possible. Know that many others have traveled this path before you and have now have happy, loving & productive lives free from the chains of addiction.

Second, diligence. Look till you find what works for you. While there are some commonalities among addicts, there are definitely elements that will be very individual to you and you need to look until you find what works for you. Commit to learn all you can.

Now, as you’re seeking help let me guide you to several important lessons I’ve learned duffing my own struggle with pornography addiction.

1.You always have a choice! While porn & masturbation has dug a rut into my brain making it easier to consider it the solution to many of the challenges I face, I know I can always choose a healthier way that then makes the next choice easier to make.

2.Doing is being. There was a time when I was so frustrated with the control I was giving my addiction that I started to read everything I could about it thinking that if I could just learn that one thing that was keeping me addicted I’d stop automatically. I was looking for “the magic bullet.” There is no bit of learning that can do any good without taking action to test it. Knowing truth requires us to take action.

3.Consistency pays off. Along with my frantic attempts to learn all I could was the tendency to try something for a day or two then to conclude that it didn’t work. I subsequently moved on to the next bit of information that also could not work, not because it wasn’t true, but because I didn’t give it the sunlight and water of daily consistency. Think about these two scenarios. I brush my teeth 7 times each week. Good for me! My teeth will be strong and healthy, right? Well, one other thing, I did it all on Saturday. Does the analysis of my dental health change? Likewise, I am training for a marathon and do four months of running all the week before the race. Because it wasn’t spread out, my body didn’t have time to grow and recover before the race. So you can see, spread out, daily efforts is the only way to have long-term success in most things in life.

Take these thoughts for what their worth and if you’d like some more help from professionals that have helped thousands cure porn addiction just fill in your name in the form at the right for a free e-course and powerful podcasts.

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Pornography Recovery

December 16th, 2009

Recovery from pornography addiction can be a tricky endeavor. There are so many voices these days who claim that there is nothing wrong with viewing porn and some psychologists even use it to “enhance marital intimacy.”

While there are so many who justify its use there is a voice inside each one of us which, if listened to, tells us that there is something noble and uplifting about modesty, something virtuous about waiting to give that part of ourselves until the whole self can be given in marriage & something profoundly powerful about sexual purity until that is achieved.

There are powerful mechanisms in the brain that help lock into place the desire to view porn once it has already been viewed. If you’ve found yourself caught in this rut, don’t get down on yourself. Shame most likely will not lead you to overcome this struggle.

While there are ideal sexual conditions, there are many who have stumbled for whatever reason upon the many false portrayals of human intimacy that promise, but can never deliver true joy.

Pornography addiction recovery is possible and is one of the best things that one who’s addicted can do for themselves and for others in their life. There IS hope if you’ve fallen into despair. There IS a reason to break free if you’ve been caught up in the illusion of porn. There is true beauty to be had again & confidence to be restored.

If you or someone you know is seeking freedom from porn addiction there are several directions you could take, but know that each one requires a sincere commitment, even if it just begins as a commitment to simply learn a bit about the addiction & behavior.

Take a deep breath, imagine where you want to be & let that feeling build in you. When you are ready to take the 1st step, sign up at the right for a free mini-course that will help you learn the skills that thousands have now learned and used to successfully overcome pornography & other sexual addictions. You have great strengths, but they’re being used you. Learn how to turn the tables!

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Christian Porn Addiction

December 15th, 2009

Believers in Christ are not exempt from experiencing temptation. As human beings we all experience the natural and wonderfully divine urges that draw man and women close to one another. There is a very beautiful reason for these sexual feelings. They were placed inside of us by a loving Father in Heaven.

As Christians learn at some point, we are all members of a great eternal family and on earth we have the grand opportunity to seek out loving relationships & to bind them in an unique and powerful way through marriage. Within the bonds of marriage we can find the true purpose for those sexual urges within us.

Sometimes Christians are falsely taught that sex is evil and that their bodies are wicked and thus their sexual desires are as well. This is most definitely not true, but if believed can lead to distorted efforts to seek out sexual expression through the means of masturbation, porn & other sexual behaviors that lie outside the limits that their Father in heaven has set.

Expression of this sort is has been forbidden by Him, not for a cruel punishment, but as a loving guideline to prevent the unhappiness that comes from these deceptively pleasing, but utterly selfish expressions of the sexual drive within each one of us.

One of the sad outcomes of engaging in these behaviors can be addiction of an image of intimacy as opposed to the powerfully fulfilling “real thing.” Victor L. Brown in his powerful book Human Intimacy tells how intimacy occurs on many levels & is not equal to mere sexual encounters.

Porn addiction in Christians is truly a sad thing. If you are Christian & have a porn or sex addiction, know first that you are not alone. Many struggle with this temptation & many heal.

Know too that your Father in Heaven ALWAYS loves you and is eager to  hear from you your heartaches & to help you experience true joy, freedom from porn addiction.

Put your name & email in the form on the right to receive a powerful mini-course that helps you understand your addiction & how to harness your natural abilities to escape.

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A Slight Change of Focus

October 15th, 2009

Over the last couple days I’ve felt a lack of confidence in the efforts I’ve been making to rid my life of pornography, addiction and lust. I guess with the realization that only Christ has power to save I mistakenly thought that I no longer needed to take heed when temptations would come. For a small moment I was thinking that he’d magically swoop in and save me IN my sins.

However, yesterday as I knelt in prayer and this morning as I was feasting upon the words of Christ I felt a gentle impression that my works ARE important, but that I just needed to remember why I was doing them. My efforts in learning about my addiction and in building skills necessary to face it are not so that I can fill some divine quota that would qualify myself for deliverance from my struggles.

Rather, my efforts are simply my meager offerings that I place on the altar of sacrifice before my Father in Heaven. I then must plead to him for acceptance of the offering that I know is not enough to save myself. Lastly, I must ask with all sincerity for the blood of his Son to cleanse and free me.

So, I again am confident that my efforts to change are not in vain. I simply must always keep the focus on my Savior and his ability, his might, his strength, for I of myself am weak. I of myself have been addicted to lust for almost 20 years. The only break in that addiction came when I began to search the words of Christ to find him and then gave myself to service.

It just hit me now as I’m writing this that I may just be arriving someday soon at the first step of the Alcoholics Anonymous 12 step program:

I admit that I, of myself, am powerless to overcome my addictions and that my life has become unmanageable.

I dearly seek the submission necessary to again leave behind my world of addiction and let the Light of Christ fill my heart, magnify my abilities and give me infinite love with which to serve my brothers and sisters here on this earth. Life is too short to spend it in any other way!

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Giving: The Grand Meaning

August 25th, 2009

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about what’s most important in life and why. It seems to me that knowing this would add meaning & power to my healing & recovery from pornography addiction. Again and again in small and simple, yet profound ways the answer has come to me: People matter most. How I interact with others determines the quality of my life.

There is a great teaching in many religions that can be summarized by the simple words of the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Ghandi said it this way, “be the change you wish to see in the world.” These sayings invite us to look inward and to focus on changing our own behavior. How wise indeed, for no man can change the habits of another unless he inspires action through the power of his own right conduct. We can only change ourselves.

Treating others with kindness because it’s how we’d like to be treated is a great reason to live a life of service. Looking deeper we can find that the reason these teachings exist is because our very understanding of life’s deepest truths can only be fully understood as we give ourselves to the aid of others.

Last week as I got ready for my day I had the strong impression that “we need each other.” The thought came seemingly out of the blue although it was preceeded by a smile and quick memory about my girlfriend. The thought however of us all needing each other sunk in deep during the moments that followed.

I recalled times where I had felt like I wanted escape being around others or that I could understand life without the help of others. I even felt that I could overcome my pornography addiction without the others, just me and God, that’s all I needed. Ironically, I often came to those feelings while reading books…written by, yup, others. I also would feel this superman-like determination after a relapse and because I was embarrassed to tell anyone of what I had done.

The power of connecting emotionally with others allows love flow freely as we give our energies; our time, our thoughts and prayers, our skills and passions, our laughter and our true understanding gained through lives experiences – to those around us. Indeed, it is ONLY through these, often difficult efforts, that any lasting connection can be made. Victor Brown said in his powerful book Human Intimacy: Illusion & Reality, “marriage (and for that matter, all relationships) is not for emotional weaklings.”

It’s so easy to overlook the debt which we owe to our fellow man…for just about EVERYTHING. I love to play the guitar. However, my enjoyment of this hobby would have been severely limited without the efforts of the thousands who came before me; those who studied acoustics, those that build prototypes who failed and tried again, those that diligently observed and documented the relationships between notes, those who sored to great musical heights and inspire greatness and those who took incentive to finance and manufacture the creation of affordable guitars. My enjoyment has been developed over centuries and I am the beneficiary. I owe those people a debt of gratitude.

When we truly see and feel the connection we have to others – that they are part of us, our brothers and sisters – we can open up and fully give of ourselves to them and in so doing know that all we give will be returned to us. In fact, we cannot fully receive that which we do not also give. Kindness is repaid with kindness. The healing of forgiveness is obtained when we afford it to others. We help others and in doing so we only help ourselves. This was beautifully illustrated in The Celestine Prophecy, a novel by James Redfield made motion picture in 2006 (watch through about 4:15)

 

Perhaps this is why the final step in the Alcoholics Anonymous 12 Step Program is to give back and to share your story with others. We share our experiences to learn of ourselves. We gain freedom and hope as we share freedom and hope with others. Because love is such a powerful key to avoiding the pitfalls of pornography addiction it’s essential to learn to give love and to serve.

Glory to God!

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The “True Self”

August 20th, 2009

In the course of my recent search for freedom from pornography and other sexual addictions and heavily rooted in the Candeo program I am engaged in, I’ve seen realized the absolute necessity to correctly understand who I am and conversely, who I am NOT.

Falling in the mud doesn’t make one mud, nor does even willfully playing in the mud while having an understanding of the consequences lead to a transformation of a man back into the elements originally utilized to form his body. I am NOT my addictions.

It was truly refreshing to hear the strong refuting in the Candeo program of the “Once and addict, always an addict” philosophy so heavily taught in the social sciences. I had come accross this same firm stance that we are more than our behaviors a couple years back while reading The Alcholholism and Addiction Cure. In so many subtle and convincing ways we can come to believe that we are merely what we think or do. Even Batman said it so persuasively, “It’s not who I am underneath, it’s what I DO that defines me.”

Wow, I’m just realizing now just how harmful that philosophy can be to the thousands that find themselves trapped in bad habits and addictive behavior and who are looking for answers in fear.

I have definitley struggled against believing I was worthless. I haven’t always succeeded is seeing right, but at times I’ve felt a love beyond description that has surrounded me, made me to feel completely safe and that has given me sure confidence in who I am – a being of eternal light and infinite worth. In those wonderful moments I’ve glimpsed the eternities and felt assurance that everything would work out for the best. It’s that vision of myself to whom I aspire, to which I seek to conform my life to and it’s THAT being that so much is this world seeks to supress.

Through our actions & thoughts we can convince ourselves that the philosophies of man – that man is only man and can succeed by their own strength a – humanism – is true. By doing so we lose sight of the divinty within us, that part that understands truth naturally, that part that reaches out to others in love and concern for their well being, that part of us that truly realizes that we are all one, children of a living God. We can also begin to worship pleasure (hedonism), the mind (intellectualism) or the things which we can create (materialism); again, all leading to the same drab conclusion: that our existence has an end in ourselves.

The “true self” of which I’ve caught glimpses – by cutting through the darkness & filth of negative self talk, indulgence in the physical appetites & idleness – can only be understood by one seeking to find it. This means that behavior and thought don’t define us, but rather, that if properly practiced can lead us to understanding and seeing our true selves.

This leads me my next an investigation on the nature of truth, how to really know it or rather, how to see things as they really are & how to keep from being deceived by those who would tell lies & falsehoods for their own purposes: riches, popularity, power & gratifying the lusts of the flesh.

Glory to God

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