Posts Tagged ‘porn addiction’



101 Questions About Pornography – What’s YOUR Question?

July 27th, 2010

So, I get anxious each day wondering what I should be doing. It’s only when I sit down and really meditate & pray on where my energies would be best spent that I access truly meaningful direction. Maybe it’s just me, but I think it’s good every once in a while to head to the mountains and think about where I’m going in life. So, in one of my latest flashes of inspiration I’ve decided to spend some time answering questions that you have about pornography, addiction and the like.

My intention is to take all the questions I gather up and go to the experts: those who have overcome addictions as well as those working with others to overcome their addiction to pornography. Some answers may come as blog posts, others as podcasts (audio interviews) and some as videos.

I’ve kick-started the list of questions to have answered. These are questions I’ve either asked myself or have heard people ask. I encourage you to ask your questions in the comment section below or to otherwise contact me with your most pressing questions about pornography and addiction. Then make sure you’ve signed up with the form at the right to be notified as each answer comes out. I look forward to answering your questions!!

Understanding Pornography & Pornographers

1. What exactly is pornography?
2. Porn is just porn when there’s nudity & sex, right?
3. About what age to people typically 1st see porn?
4. Do pornographers really want me addicted or just to go about legitimately selling their product?
5. Where does my money go if I buy porn?
6. If I just look at free porn I’m not supporting the industry, right?
7. What’s the effect of porn on those creating it? What goes on behind the scenes in the creation of pornography?

Something May Be Wrong: Am I Addicted? (Sincere Questions)

8. If I look at porn, can I become addicted?
9. How do I know if I’m addicted to pornography?
10. I’ve heard “once and addict, always an addict.” Is this true with porn addiction?
11. I struggle to not look at porn, do I have an addiction?
12. Everyone says watching porn is okay…why do I feel so bad?
13. Why is porn everywhere nowadays?
14. Do I need to see a doctor about my porn addiction?
15. Where can I read more about porn addiction?
16. Are there any lasting effects of watching porn?
17. Is porn addiction genetic?
18. What’ the typical profile of someone who’s addicted to porn?

In Need of Hope

19. I started w/ porn, but now am involved sexually. Is it too late for me?
20. I’ve tried to stop watching porn before. Can I really do it this time?
21. I’ve tried everything! How can I once and for all overcome pornography addiction?
22. Can people really break porn addictions or are they just wired that way?

Understanding Addiction

23. What role does fear play in a porn addiction?
24. What’s the role of fantasy in a porn addiction?
25. What’s the role of shame in perpetuating a porn addiction?
26. What role does secrecy play in a pornography addiction?

Porn & the Brain (Porn as a Drug)

27. Why do I always “zone out” when I start thinking of porn? It’s like I can’t do anything else until I look at porn.
28. I’ve heard pornography is like a drug. How?
29. How can porn be addictive if you don’t ingest it?
30. If I see porn once will I always have those images in my head?
31. I’ve seen some pretty bad porn. Will it ever leave my mind?
32. How long does it take to forget the porn I’ve seen?
33. What happens in my brain when I look at porn?

Porn & Relationships

34. Can I watch porn and still have a healthy attitude towards women?
35. Can I overcome an addiction to pornography alone?
36. Can porn change the way I think about women?
37. How can my relationships with others help me in overcoming a porn addiction?
38. I already stopped watching porn. Do I still need to tell somebody about it?
39. How does pornography use affect my relationships?

Porn, Marriage & the Family

40. Can porn really destroy my marriage?
41. How do I tell my spouse about my struggles with porn?
42. My wife said she’d divorce me if she ever caught me looking at porn. I looked. What do I do?!
43. Won’t my addiction to pornography go away when I get married?
44. I’ve got porn, so why get married?
45. Why is porn more exciting than sex with my spouse?
46. What’s the difference between porn & sex within marriage?
47. Can I use porn to spice up my marriage?

Opening Up: Breaking the Silence

48. I feel like I’ll be rejected if I tell others about my porn problem.
49. How can I talk to my parents about my porn problem?
50. How can I overcome my embarrassment to tell someone about my struggle with porn?
51. I’m a public official, sharing my problem will harm many people, should I still come clean?
52. Why is it important to be accountable (i.e. report) to someone else for my porn problem?

Breaking Addiction

53. What can a 12 Step program do to help me break my porn addiction?
54. How can I stop watching porn?
55. What can my life be like without pornography?
56. What’s the role of gratitude in breaking a porn addiction?
57. What’s the role of service in overcoming a porn addiction?
58. Are there any meds I can take to stop my porn addiction?
59. What activities work best to replace my need for porn?
60. Why do I keep going back to porno even though I hate it?
61. What’s the most important thing I can do to break my porn addiction?
62. Are there affirmations I can use to change my attitudes and beliefs about porn and people?
63. Can I use hypnosis to stop my porn addiction?
64. Are there warning signs that someone is addicted to porn?

Addiction Prevention & Maintenance

65. What can I do on a daily basis to prevent porn addiction?
66. How do I identify the triggers that pull me back into my porn addiction?
67. I feel like I have no choice. Why can’t I stop looking at porn?
68. I know I should stop looking at porn, but don’t want to. What can I do?

The Pull

69. The urges to view porn are so overwhelming. How do I prepare to face the urges to view porn?
70. It feels like I’ll die if I don’t get porn. Why are these urges so strong?

Relapse

71. I just totally indulged in porn. What now?
72. If I’ve already relapsed why not just do it some more?
73. Is there a healthy way to deal with relapse?

Spiritual Questions

74. Will I go to Hell if I look at porn?
75. I’m a Christian, why am I still tempted to look at porn?
76. How can I involve God in my recovery from porn addiction?

Setting Healthy Boundaries

77. What do I do if I can access porn at work?
78. I have co-workers/friends that give me porn. What should I do?
79. I’m on the computer all day, what can I do to help prevent using porn?

What’s the Big Deal? Common Rationalizations

80. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with porn. Why should I stop?
81. Isn’t porn a good place to learn about sex?
82. How can I protect myself against the effects of porn?
83. What’s so bad about porn?
84. Is porn really that big of a problem?
85. Is the industry really out to get me? Seems like a scare tactic.
86. Isn’t it true that all guys look at porn?
87. Some say you can’t be addicted to porn because it’s not a substance. Is that true?
88. I only look at porn a little, what’s the big deal?
89. It’s my choice to look at porn if I want to, why don’t people get off my back?
90. Will looking at porn make me go blind?
91. My favorite magazine says that porn’s okay? Are they right? If not, why do they say it?
92. Will boundaries, like a filter, really help me with my porn addiction? I can just get around it.
93. What’s wrong with just looking once at porn to see what it’s like?
94. If porn feels so good, how can it be so bad?
95. I feel so low. Porn makes me feel normal. Why stop?
96. Is there ever a time when porn use is okay?

Taking a Stand: Community Advocacy

97. Aren’t there laws against pornography?
98. What can I do to keep porn out of my community?
99. What can I do to keep porn out of my home?
100. Is it important to talk openly about porn @ home even if there’s no problem?
101. How do I know if someone I love is struggling with porn?

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Addicted to Internet Porn

December 28th, 2009

Being addicted to internet porn is no different that being addicted to other porn, accept it’s potential to bring about addiction is greater. With other types of pornography there are built in restraints. With a video from a store there is the barrier of being seen by others. With the anonymity of the internet this restraint and desire to keep secret the use is drastically reduced. One can access pornography on the internet without anyone ever knowing.

Another addictive quality of internet porn is that it’s relatively instant. Within seconds one can access any kind of porn imaginable filling the mind with all sorts of misinformation about relationships.

Thirdly, on need not spend any money to see thousands upon thousands of images and engage in hours of stimulation cementing addiction further each moment. Addiction these days is very affordable.

Lastly, one could also access porn anywhere in the world as long as they have an internet connection. It’s definitely more easily available than having to drive to the edge of town to get a video or magazine.

With all these aspects of internet pornography that haven’t ever applied to porn, addicts are growing at an increasing rate. There are also more psychologists to be found now that see patients addicted to porn than ever before. Whereas there once was a time when one may never have come in contact with porn there are now many who stumble upon it without ever looking and our of curiosity become trapped into the vicious cycles of addiction.

There is however hope for those seeking to be free from any compulsive behavior associated with internet porn. If you are addicted, know that you’re not alone and that many have curbed their addictions. Don’t feel ashamed. Addiction is a well understood phenomenon and you can take action necessary to stand up tall as one that connects in healthy ways with others, finds true peace and satisfaction in life and accomplishes great things.

Take action now and learn more about your addiction by filling in your name and email below for a free mini-course on how to break porn addiction.

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Cure Porn Addiction

December 24th, 2009

The question may be asked of many ailments that plague mankind: Can it be cured? Meaning, can I get rid of the pain and live normally again? While many only treat the symptoms there is real hope when the question is asked by those suffering with a porn addiction. YES! You CAN cure porn addiction.

Belief System

Porn addiction, like many other problems is rooted in the mind. Now that doesn’t mean simply “don’t think about it and it won’t be a problem.” No, what i mean is that the roots of it begin in the brain. Our beliefs are what guide our actions whether we’re conscious of those beliefs or not. Beliefs evaluated can help one uncover the meaning of pornography in their life. Beliefs are important to understand, beliefs of self, of other, of life, of love, of God. Knowing what you believe can put you in a place of knowing what led you to and what is supporting your continued participation in pornography.

Beliefs are a key to understanding your porn addiction; however, for anyone that’s ever indulged in pornography viewing there’s an added element, biological control. The brain is most definitely affected by the beliefs we espouse and the thoughts we have, but another layer is added to the mix when we act on those mental constructs.

Biology of Porn

Viewing pornography however is more than just a regular behavior. Chemicals are released in the brain and body that intensify the experience and cement it deeper into our very being than other actions may. This experience gains ever a deeper hold when it is accompanied by masturbation. The greater ever when orgasm is achieved in this process.

These two components are essential to evaluate if your addiction to porn is to be cured. A good counselor can help you evaluate the limiting and destructive beliefs that led you to pornography and can help you to develop new and productive ones that help you gain control over biology of the addiction.

Mental Illness

Another thing to consider if you are addicted to pornography is the existence of any other mental illnesses or addictions. Many clinicians are beginning to note for instance that the existence of ADHD, alcohol addiction and other addictions of ten accompany porn addictions.

Make sure your looking at the whole picture and not simply your challenges with pornography. Treating your whole self will be much more affective in curing your addiction to pornography than simply looking at the porn problem in isolation.

Find a counselor in your area that can help you evaluate the true motive of your addiction and in the meantime get started on understanding your beliefs behind your struggles by filling in the form to the right for free info & powerful podcasts to help you stop porn addiction.

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Stop Porn Addiction

December 23rd, 2009

Trying to stop a porn addiction? It’s been frustrating hasn’t it? You’ve made promise after promise to yourself and others that you’d never do it again…and yet you did. If you have found your way here I’m extremely pleased and excited for you. Because here is where you’ll find hope, gain confidence and learn the way to stop a porn addiction!

Before I invite you to get some free information and powerful podcasts I will go over a few of the principles I consider to be a necessary foundation for stopping an addiction to pornography.

Principle 1: There is a God and he loves you infinitely. To understand that there is a being who knows where I have been, how I feel and the circumstances of how I got into this place is good, but then also to know that I am his child and thus have infinite potential and capability and strength is amazing! He loves us and thus we may know that any thoughts or feelings that cut us down and tell us we’re no good are not from him.

Principle 2: We have a choice. Many have come to a believe, as I did at times, that having an addiction means that I have no choice in the matter. There is always a choice! Though urges and feelings of acting out most likely have grown stronger by acting on them, we always have a choice. Often when we indulge in porn viewing we have let ourselves believe we have no choice or it’s too strong. Use your agency wisely and your capacity to make proper choices will increase. Abuse that gift by rationalizations and that too will become easier.

Principle 3: There is always hope! Hope isn’t something that ever goes away. While we may turn away and thus not see it, it’s always nearby. Admitting our true situation may be scary, but only by doing so can we assess the scene rightly and lay the foundation to move on.

“When the student is ready the teacher will appear,” says an ancient Chinese proverb. If you’re ready to learn how to break a porn addiction put your name and email in the form to the right for powerful tools and education to make your promises to yourself finally last.

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Conquering Porn Addiction

December 19th, 2009

Are you looking for help in conquering a porn addiction? To you I say that perhaps no wiser words were ever uttered than “seek and ye shall find.”

Are you sincere in your journey to conquer it? Or have you been threatened by a spouse, parent, judge or other? No matter. Either way, as you take courageous steps to learn about your addiction & the harmful effects that pornography is having on you, you will most likely reach a point of awareness that will open your heart wide enough for a dsire to kick the addiction.

If you don’t currently have that desire it’s okay. Desire comes as one considers what he really wants in his life, as he learns the truths necessary to achieve those goals (including how addictions form & how to get rid of them) & as he begins to move towards it.

Now that we’ve established that you’re seeking to conquer your addiction & do or will soon gain the sincere desire to be commited to whatever its gonna take to do so, let’s move on to examining some of the truths about porn that you should know for your journey to be successful.

  1. Pornography NEVER only affects the viewer alone: Porn, in its production, harms in many ways those who are depicted. Abuse, manipulation & deception are often used to get victims to pose. There is also a violent underground sex trade that is fed by the demand for pornography.
  2. Pornography releases the same powerful chemicals in the brain as do many dangerous drugs. It’s been referred to as an erototoxin. It mimics normal & healthy sexual process, but produes quite a different result that does intercourse between husband & wife – it binds the viewer to its degrading images rather that to a real human.
  3. Porn addiction moves forward in a progression. The very nature of addiction leads one to seek greater & greater thrills, causing the one with the addiction to drop their morals, values & even break ties with loved ones in order to continue pursuing the illusory pleasure.

These simple 3 truths about pornography are but the beginning of things to consider if you’re seeking to conquer porn addiction. Overcoming requires a commitment to learning, introspection & positive actions.

Without these one merely starts & stops never truly arriving at their destination. And as I’m sure you may know this can be very frustrating, not to mention exhausting. If you’ve felt this frustration, know there IS hope! You are not alone!

There are paths that those seeking freedom from porn addiction are taking right now to come off conquers. Learn how! Just fill in your name & email at the right for free information, podcasts & professionals & more. There is also help for the “masturbation addict.”

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Help with Porn Addiction

December 17th, 2009

Are you or someone you know seeking help with a porn addition? Well, you’ve come to the right place! I too am on the same journey. In my seeking to know more about porn addiction I’ve learned a few vital keys that seem obvious to me now, but weren’t so obvious before I began my quest to break free from porn addiction. I’d like to share a few of those insights with the hope that someone struggling with an addiction to pornography may find them useful & gain a hope of deliverance.

  1. Powerful urges have been placed inside all of us. Were it not so, man & woman may have never joined together, bringing beautiful souls into the world. They we’d not be able to grow to our fullest capacity in complete unity & love. These urges are a gift from a loving Father in Heaven.
  2. The brain has a way to make false sexual encounters, i.e. those with pornography, masturbation, etc seem real. The same chemicals are released during those counterfeit activities as are released during real sexual relations. The real deal has the power to thus bind husband & wife together & again, allow for children to be born into the world.
  3. False beliefs about self can feed into one’s indulgent cycle. I have often felt inferior to others, a discrediting of my abilities & what I “deserve” in life. For a long time I didn’t feel worthy of love from another. This laid a ripe foundation for my involvement with porn and masturbation. Not cool!
  4. My Heavenly Father loves me no matter what! Whatever your religious beliefs it is common to feel disconnected from your spiritual source. This equates into feeling disconnected with others, who are a vital source of strength & help in any pornography recovery and healing. I learned that I am never alone & that my actions affect others always.

I learned this & many more things along my path to freedom from porn addiction. If you or someone you know are aching inside & seeking help with a porn addiction please consider joining me on a powerful journey of transformation that’s been helping thousands. Simply fill in your name & email at the right for some free information that will give you incredible ability to leave behind pornography & find true joy.

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Pornography Recovery

December 16th, 2009

Recovery from pornography addiction can be a tricky endeavor. There are so many voices these days who claim that there is nothing wrong with viewing porn and some psychologists even use it to “enhance marital intimacy.”

While there are so many who justify its use there is a voice inside each one of us which, if listened to, tells us that there is something noble and uplifting about modesty, something virtuous about waiting to give that part of ourselves until the whole self can be given in marriage & something profoundly powerful about sexual purity until that is achieved.

There are powerful mechanisms in the brain that help lock into place the desire to view porn once it has already been viewed. If you’ve found yourself caught in this rut, don’t get down on yourself. Shame most likely will not lead you to overcome this struggle.

While there are ideal sexual conditions, there are many who have stumbled for whatever reason upon the many false portrayals of human intimacy that promise, but can never deliver true joy.

Pornography addiction recovery is possible and is one of the best things that one who’s addicted can do for themselves and for others in their life. There IS hope if you’ve fallen into despair. There IS a reason to break free if you’ve been caught up in the illusion of porn. There is true beauty to be had again & confidence to be restored.

If you or someone you know is seeking freedom from porn addiction there are several directions you could take, but know that each one requires a sincere commitment, even if it just begins as a commitment to simply learn a bit about the addiction & behavior.

Take a deep breath, imagine where you want to be & let that feeling build in you. When you are ready to take the 1st step, sign up at the right for a free mini-course that will help you learn the skills that thousands have now learned and used to successfully overcome pornography & other sexual addictions. You have great strengths, but they’re being used you. Learn how to turn the tables!

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Christian Porn Addiction

December 15th, 2009

Believers in Christ are not exempt from experiencing temptation. As human beings we all experience the natural and wonderfully divine urges that draw man and women close to one another. There is a very beautiful reason for these sexual feelings. They were placed inside of us by a loving Father in Heaven.

As Christians learn at some point, we are all members of a great eternal family and on earth we have the grand opportunity to seek out loving relationships & to bind them in an unique and powerful way through marriage. Within the bonds of marriage we can find the true purpose for those sexual urges within us.

Sometimes Christians are falsely taught that sex is evil and that their bodies are wicked and thus their sexual desires are as well. This is most definitely not true, but if believed can lead to distorted efforts to seek out sexual expression through the means of masturbation, porn & other sexual behaviors that lie outside the limits that their Father in heaven has set.

Expression of this sort is has been forbidden by Him, not for a cruel punishment, but as a loving guideline to prevent the unhappiness that comes from these deceptively pleasing, but utterly selfish expressions of the sexual drive within each one of us.

One of the sad outcomes of engaging in these behaviors can be addiction of an image of intimacy as opposed to the powerfully fulfilling “real thing.” Victor L. Brown in his powerful book Human Intimacy tells how intimacy occurs on many levels & is not equal to mere sexual encounters.

Porn addiction in Christians is truly a sad thing. If you are Christian & have a porn or sex addiction, know first that you are not alone. Many struggle with this temptation & many heal.

Know too that your Father in Heaven ALWAYS loves you and is eager to  hear from you your heartaches & to help you experience true joy, freedom from porn addiction.

Put your name & email in the form on the right to receive a powerful mini-course that helps you understand your addiction & how to harness your natural abilities to escape.

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Face it. Replace it. Connect.

September 29th, 2009

In the sexual addiction recovery program I’ve been going through, I’ve been pleased to engage in a little exercise that’s allowed me to get in between any stimulus and my automatic response to it. Essentially it helps me see that I have a choice in every situation. Because I can see myself talking about it often in my Freedom Journal I wanted to make special mention of it and give a little background on what it entails.

First, I notice temptations or triggers. This takes some practice. Second, I stop what I’m doing, get up (or sit down as the case may be) and begin deep breathing (about 6 seconds in and 6 seconds out). With each breathe out I share with my Father in Heaven something I am grateful for. I do this 5 times. Third, I talk to the temptation and re-frame the situation to reflect the truth and my goals instead of the deceptions I’ve ingrained in my mind through repetitiously following my impulses. Forth, I envision my goals and good things and bring into my awareness the feeling of success. I enjoy it and bask in it for a while.  Lastly, I reach out and connect to another by doing something nice for them, a smile, a compliment, a nice text message or call just to say I was thinking of them.

Take a list of common temptations that lead you to indulge in your undesired sexual behavior. Each day spend some time morning and night practicing this little technique with each of those situations so that when you actually DO face them you’ll have given your brain a way to face and address them rather than giving in. There’s only one big difference between real life facing and replacing and your practice sessions and that is you’re going to have to imagine the temptation in your mind. When you begin to feel the strength of it, that’s when you begin breathing. At first it may seem like you’re inviting temptation, but keep practicing and you’ll break the associations you’ve formed over time.

This has been just one of the powerful techniques in a broader program of healing. It’s helpful to understand this tool in context. To check out my reviews of the program click on one of the following links. From each page you’ll be given a link that will give you access to free educational audio programs about recovery and the brain science behind porn addiction as well as masturbation and other sexual addictions.

Note: The Face it. Replace it. Connect. method is not my own. I learned it from the Candeo Pornography Addiction Recovery Program and made some of my own adjustments. To me, this process has become somewhat of a prayer to me. It has become my expression of faith, or rather the action I have chosen to do to follow my Savior to become pure as he is pure.

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Frodo’s Fight for Freedom

August 18th, 2009

So I’ve hesitated for quite some time now to begin wrriting my 1st post here. I guess it stems from my tendency to have things “just right.” It’s like owning a new journal or book and making your first mark upon it’s bare pages. Well, it’s time to jump in & start swimming. To begin with, I’d like to state my purpose for creating this site. I have an addiction. I’ve been caught in a web of pornography & sexual addiction for some 20 years; and I’m not talking about the kind of cobwebs you sweep easily out of the corner of your room with a rag or broom. I’m talking about the large, incredibily sticky, “WATCH OUT FRODO!” kind of web.

To continue with the Lord of the Rings visual, I’ve often felt like that little hobbit entering the giant spider Shelob’s lair – alone in an uninviting, dangerous cave. I too have at times sent my true friends away, thinking that I could handle things on my own, only to learn that the one I chose to trust was leading me right into a trap. I’ve also at times remembered the light of Eärendil, the “light…in dark places, when all other lights go out.” But as dangerous as it was and because my heart had become filled fear I too have let go of the light and found myself intoxicated by the enemy’s venum & bound by her sticky cords. At times I’ve felt quite like that mission-bound hobbit hedged on my journey, wrapped in the spider’s silken strings awaiting, not victory, but defeat as the poison slowly works its course within me.

I’ve felt the sting of regret, the draining power of poor choice & the despair of hopelessness. However, the reason I write to you today is to stand as a very real witness to the hope there is in the Light. We may at times let fear overcome us and loose sight of this brilliant power as did Froto convincing ourselves that there is no escape, no hope and no reason to go on, but we’d be doing ourselves a great diservice to internalize this dismal message. There are those who love us and who would bring back the Light that we let go of. We’ll always need to fight if we are to obtain any sort fo freedom. There is ALWAYS hope!

This blog is my journey of hope to obtain freedom from pornography addiction & the accompanying baggage that follows such an addiction. I do not consider myself an addict, but rather a child of divine parentage who has fallen into one of the many traps that a very real enemy lays to ensnare each of us in our journey towards the Light.

It is my firm belief that we are all children of a loving Father and that he’s sent his Son, Jesus Christ to, in some incredible way, provide us the power necessary to change our behavior and free ourselves from all types of addiction, I wish to invite everyone, regardless of beliefs or faith, to join me in an enlightening journey of hope.

My goal with this blog is to shed light on the true nature of pornography use and the many lies that are told to bring its viewers into bondage. This investigation will include words from prophets of God as well as understandings from modern science about the nature of addiction. It is also my intent to instill hope in my own heart and in the hearts of all those who wander in the darkness of pornography. I desire to inspire action and encourage committment to truth and will do this with stories, music, assignments and with other moving means. Lastly, I want to facilitate successful freedom from porn addiction and other sexual addiction by providing resources and tools that truly make sense, that help utilize hope and committment to change.

I feel love in my heart for all those who struggle as I do. I pray that if you are struggling that you would open your heart to the possibility of a life filled with light and love as you sincerely seek to gain your own personal freedom from addiction. You CAN learn to be in control of your thoughts, feelings and behaviors just as you can learn to play the piano or speak German. :)

Glory to God

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