Posts Tagged ‘marriage’



101 Questions About Pornography – What’s YOUR Question?

July 27th, 2010

So, I get anxious each day wondering what I should be doing. It’s only when I sit down and really meditate & pray on where my energies would be best spent that I access truly meaningful direction. Maybe it’s just me, but I think it’s good every once in a while to head to the mountains and think about where I’m going in life. So, in one of my latest flashes of inspiration I’ve decided to spend some time answering questions that you have about pornography, addiction and the like.

My intention is to take all the questions I gather up and go to the experts: those who have overcome addictions as well as those working with others to overcome their addiction to pornography. Some answers may come as blog posts, others as podcasts (audio interviews) and some as videos.

I’ve kick-started the list of questions to have answered. These are questions I’ve either asked myself or have heard people ask. I encourage you to ask your questions in the comment section below or to otherwise contact me with your most pressing questions about pornography and addiction. I look forward to answering your questions!!

Then make sure you’ve signed up for the Destination Freedom list with the form at the right to be notified of coming podcast guests and as each answer is made available. NEW! Honest Answers Podcast.

Understanding Pornography & Pornographers

1. What exactly is pornography?
2. Porn is just porn when there’s nudity & sex, right?
3. About what age to people typically 1st see porn?
4. Do pornographers really want me addicted or just to go about legitimately selling their product?
5. Where does my money go if I buy porn?
6. If I just look at free porn I’m not supporting the industry, right?
7. What’s the effect of porn on those creating it? What goes on behind the scenes in the creation of pornography?

Something May Be Wrong: Am I Addicted? (Sincere Questions)

8. If I look at porn, can I become addicted? Is pornography really an addiction?
9. How do I know if I’m addicted to pornography?
10. I’ve heard “once and addict, always an addict.” Is this true with porn addiction?
11. I struggle to not look at porn, do I have an addiction?
12. Everyone says watching porn is okay…why do I feel so bad?
13. Why is porn everywhere nowadays?
14. Do I need to see a doctor about my porn addiction?
15. Where can I read more about porn addiction?
16. Are there any lasting effects of watching porn?
17. Is porn addiction genetic?
18. What’ the typical profile of someone who’s addicted to porn?

In Need of Hope

19. I started w/ porn, but now am involved sexually. Is it too late for me?
20. I’ve tried to stop watching porn before. Can I really do it this time?
21. I’ve tried everything! How can I once and for all overcome pornography addiction?
22. Can people really break porn addictions or are they just wired that way?

Understanding Addiction

23. What role does fear play in a porn addiction?
24. What is the role of fantasy in a porn addiction?
25. What’s the role of shame in perpetuating a porn addiction?
26. What role does secrecy play in a pornography addiction?

Porn & the Brain (Porn as a Drug)

27. Why do I always “zone out” when I start thinking of porn? It’s like I can’t do anything else until I look at porn.
28. I’ve heard pornography is like a drug. How?
29. How can porn be addictive if you don’t ingest it?
30. If I see porn once will I always have those images in my head?
31. I’ve seen some pretty bad porn. Will it ever leave my mind?
32. How long does it take to forget the porn I’ve seen?
33. What happens in my brain when I look at porn?

Porn & Relationships

34. Can I watch porn and still have a healthy attitude towards women?
35. Can I overcome an addiction to pornography alone?
36. Can porn change the way I think about women?
37. How can my relationships with others help me in overcoming a porn addiction?
38. I already stopped watching porn. Do I still need to tell somebody about it?
39. How does pornography use affect my relationships?

Porn, Marriage & the Family

40. Can porn really destroy my marriage?
41. How do I tell my spouse about my struggles with porn?
42. My wife said she’d divorce me if she ever caught me looking at porn. I looked. What do I do?!
43. Won’t my addiction to pornography go away when I get married?
44. I’ve got porn, so why get married?
45. Why is porn more exciting than sex with my spouse?
46. What’s the difference between porn & sex within marriage?
47. Can I use porn to spice up my marriage?

Opening Up: Breaking the Silence

48. I feel like I’ll be rejected if I tell others about my porn problem.
49. How can I talk to my parents about my porn problem?
50. How can I overcome my embarrassment to tell someone about my struggle with porn?
51. I’m a public official, sharing my problem will harm many people, should I still come clean?
52. Why is it important to be accountable (i.e. report) to someone else for my porn problem?

Breaking Addiction

53. What can a 12 Step program do to help me break my porn addiction?
54. How can I stop watching porn?
55. What can my life be like without pornography?
56. What’s the role of gratitude in breaking a porn addiction?
57. What’s the role of service in overcoming a porn addiction?
58. Are there any meds I can take to stop my porn addiction?
59. What activities work best to replace my need for porn?
60. Why do I keep going back to porno even though I hate it?
61. What’s the most important thing I can do to break my porn addiction?
62. Are there affirmations I can use to change my attitudes and beliefs about porn and people?
63. Can I use hypnosis to stop my porn addiction?
64. Are there warning signs that someone is addicted to porn?

Addiction Prevention & Maintenance

65. What can I do on a daily basis to prevent porn addiction?
66. How do I identify the triggers that pull me back into my porn addiction?
67. I feel like I have no choice. Why can’t I stop looking at porn?
68. I know I should stop looking at porn, but don’t want to. What can I do?

The Pull

69. The urges to view porn are so overwhelming. How do I prepare to face the urges to view porn?
70. It feels like I’ll die if I don’t get porn. Why are these urges so strong?

Relapse

71. I just totally indulged in porn. What now?
72. If I’ve already relapsed why not just do it some more?
73. Is there a healthy way to deal with relapse?

Spiritual Questions

74. Will I go to Hell if I look at porn?
75. I’m a Christian, why am I still tempted to look at porn?
76. How can I involve God in my recovery from porn addiction?

Setting Healthy Boundaries

77. What do I do if I can access porn at work?
78. I have co-workers/friends that give me porn. What should I do?
79. I’m on the computer all day, what can I do to help prevent using porn?

What’s the Big Deal? Common Rationalizations

80. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with porn. Why should I stop?
81. Isn’t porn a good place to learn about sex?
82. How can I protect myself against the effects of porn?
83. What’s so bad about porn?
84. Is porn really that big of a problem?
85. Is the industry really out to get me? Seems like a scare tactic.
86. Isn’t it true that all guys look at porn?
87. Some say you can’t be addicted to porn because it’s not a substance. Is that true?
88. I only look at porn a little, what’s the big deal?
89. It’s my choice to look at porn if I want to, why don’t people get off my back?
90. Will looking at porn make me go blind?
91. My favorite magazine says that porn’s okay? Are they right? If not, why do they say it?
92. Will boundaries, like a filter, really help me with my porn addiction? I can just get around it.
93. What’s wrong with just looking once at porn to see what it’s like?
94. If porn feels so good, how can it be so bad?
95. I feel so low. Porn makes me feel normal. Why stop?
96. Is there ever a time when porn use is okay?

Taking a Stand: Community Advocacy

97. Aren’t there laws against pornography?
98. What can I do to keep porn out of my community?
99. What can I do to keep porn out of my home?
100. Is it important to talk openly about porn @ home even if there’s no problem?
101. How do I know if someone I love is struggling with porn?

Compulsive Sex

January 9th, 2010

Have you or someone you know become “addicted” to sex? Do you find your compulsion so overpowering that it seems insatiable at times? Well you’re not alone. There are many others who struggle just like you. But be aware that many now enjoy happy lives free from this frustration and there’s hope for you too!

Many reasons could lead to the compulsion to engage in sex or sexual behavior. Abuse ranks among the top reasons. If this is the case in your situation, know that it’s not your fault and that you can obtain a happy and emotionally burden free life. Discuss the proper course of action with a clergyman and/or a professional counselor. They can help you release any unnecessary guilt or shame you may be feeling about your abuse.

Now, if your behavior has moved into you acting out with others, while part of that would have come from your past experiences, you’re going to find it helpful to resolve those issues and feelings so that you don’t continue the cycle of hurt and pain that leads to risky sexual behavior. You can obtain this freedom. Compulsive sexual behavior can be understood and curbed. Again, turning to others for help will most likely be a tough, but necessary step.

Most likely along the way you’ve learned some falsehoods about yourself, about proper and meaningful relationship and about the role of sex in a loving and committed relationship like marriage, so deciding to dedicate yourself to education will be an essential step in gaining mastery over your compulsive urges to have sex. Even within a marriage where sex can have proper context and meaning, compulsivity can lead to damaging the other necessary components of the relationship, like mutual respect, consideration and positive communication.

If you’d like to learn how addictions to sex work in the brain and how to think correctly about sexuality, sign up at the right for a free mini-course. Note: This course addresses pornography & masturbation as well as “sex & love addicts“. If you experience sexual compulsivity it is highly recommended that you seek individual professional help in addiction to signing up for this course.

Porn & Sex Addiction

January 4th, 2010

Pornography is a powerful mimicry of actual sexual relations. When a man and a woman engage in one of the most intimate acts they can engaged in, and if they have done so under the sanctifying shelter of a committed relationship, marriage, there is a strength, a binding and a powerful unifying that occurs. But when porn is introduced it bleeds this pure and real relationship of the true power it can hold. It can and so often does, lead to a perverted illusion and even a sex addiction.

Those suffering from a sex addiction fueled by the fire of porn so often don’t feel like there’s an escape. Thus, they may have come to justify their behavior as acceptable, or at very least, tolerable. But there is beauty missing from an otherwise amazing aspect of their committed relationship to their spouse.

While many emotions and thoughts in the head of the one addicted can keep them bound to a sex addiction, there are some that may help to break the chains and help them breathe beauty and wholeness again into that sacred aspect of the marriage relationship.

First, know and feel your worth as a human. If this is hart to do for you, imagine someone you know who you see as a great person. Put yourself in the picture and see them conferring their greatness upon you as one is knighted. You may also imagine them telling you that you are important and loved. Feel their acceptance into a new “brotherhood” and thank them for this amazing new perspective.

Second, know that there is hope! You’re not the only one who’s struggled with an addiction to porn or sex and you’re not the only one who will overcome this with consistent actions to learn, apply and teach those known skills that lead to personal freedom and happiness.

Third, know that you’ve been sent here to earth to accomplish great things. You may have already felt impressions as to what. This can make an addiction all the more frustrating, but know that there are incredible things in your future. Let the positive energy of these things fill your mind. See yourself affecting others in powerful ways. Letting go of this addiction to porn and/or sex will only be a wonderful step towards that future that’s filled with joy and light. You can know that future even now.

Start your journey by signing up to the right for a free mini course that will teach you a little about how the brain can trap you into an addiction to masturbation, porn, sex and how you can harness its power to get you out.

Pornography Recovery

December 16th, 2009

Recovery from pornography addiction can be a tricky endeavor. There are so many voices these days who claim that there is nothing wrong with viewing porn and some psychologists even use it to “enhance marital intimacy.”

While there are so many who justify its use there is a voice inside each one of us which, if listened to, tells us that there is something noble and uplifting about modesty, something virtuous about waiting to give that part of ourselves until the whole self can be given in marriage & something profoundly powerful about sexual purity until that is achieved.

There are powerful mechanisms in the brain that help lock into place the desire to view porn once it has already been viewed. If you’ve found yourself caught in this rut, don’t get down on yourself. Shame most likely will not lead you to overcome this struggle.

While there are ideal sexual conditions, there are many who have stumbled for whatever reason upon the many false portrayals of human intimacy that promise, but can never deliver true joy.

Pornography addiction recovery is possible and is one of the best things that one who’s addicted can do for themselves and for others in their life. There IS hope if you’ve fallen into despair. There IS a reason to break free if you’ve been caught up in the illusion of porn. There is true beauty to be had again & confidence to be restored.

If you or someone you know is seeking freedom from porn addiction there are several directions you could take, but know that each one requires a sincere commitment, even if it just begins as a commitment to simply learn a bit about the addiction & behavior.

Take a deep breath, imagine where you want to be & let that feeling build in you. When you are ready to take the 1st step, sign up at the right for a free mini-course that will help you learn the skills that thousands have now learned and used to successfully overcome pornography & other sexual addictions. You have great strengths, but they’re being used you. Learn how to turn the tables!

Christian Porn Addiction

December 15th, 2009

Believers in Christ are not exempt from experiencing temptation. As human beings we all experience the natural and wonderfully divine urges that draw man and women close to one another. There is a very beautiful reason for these sexual feelings. They were placed inside of us by a loving Father in Heaven.

As Christians learn at some point, we are all members of a great eternal family and on earth we have the grand opportunity to seek out loving relationships & to bind them in an unique and powerful way through marriage. Within the bonds of marriage we can find the true purpose for those sexual urges within us.

Sometimes Christians are falsely taught that sex is evil and that their bodies are wicked and thus their sexual desires are as well. This is most definitely not true, but if believed can lead to distorted efforts to seek out sexual expression through the means of masturbation, porn & other sexual behaviors that lie outside the limits that their Father in heaven has set.

Expression of this sort is has been forbidden by Him, not for a cruel punishment, but as a loving guideline to prevent the unhappiness that comes from these deceptively pleasing, but utterly selfish expressions of the sexual drive within each one of us.

One of the sad outcomes of engaging in these behaviors can be addiction of an image of intimacy as opposed to the powerfully fulfilling “real thing.” Victor L. Brown in his powerful book Human Intimacy tells how intimacy occurs on many levels & is not equal to mere sexual encounters.

Porn addiction in Christians is truly a sad thing. If you are Christian & have a porn or sex addiction, know first that you are not alone. Many struggle with this temptation & many heal.

Know too that your Father in Heaven ALWAYS loves you and is eager to  hear from you your heartaches & to help you experience true joy, freedom from porn addiction.

Put your name & email in the form on the right to receive a powerful mini-course that helps you understand your addiction & how to harness your natural abilities to escape.

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