Posts Tagged ‘hope’



101 Questions About Pornography – What’s YOUR Question?

July 27th, 2010

So, I get anxious each day wondering what I should be doing. It’s only when I sit down and really meditate & pray on where my energies would be best spent that I access truly meaningful direction. Maybe it’s just me, but I think it’s good every once in a while to head to the mountains and think about where I’m going in life. So, in one of my latest flashes of inspiration I’ve decided to spend some time answering questions that you have about pornography, addiction and the like.

My intention is to take all the questions I gather up and go to the experts: those who have overcome addictions as well as those working with others to overcome their addiction to pornography. Some answers may come as blog posts, others as podcasts (audio interviews) and some as videos.

I’ve kick-started the list of questions to have answered. These are questions I’ve either asked myself or have heard people ask. I encourage you to ask your questions in the comment section below or to otherwise contact me with your most pressing questions about pornography and addiction. I look forward to answering your questions!!

Then make sure you’ve signed up for the Destination Freedom list with the form at the right to be notified of coming podcast guests and as each answer is made available. NEW! Honest Answers Podcast.

Understanding Pornography & Pornographers

1. What exactly is pornography?
2. Porn is just porn when there’s nudity & sex, right?
3. About what age to people typically 1st see porn?
4. Do pornographers really want me addicted or just to go about legitimately selling their product?
5. Where does my money go if I buy porn?
6. If I just look at free porn I’m not supporting the industry, right?
7. What’s the effect of porn on those creating it? What goes on behind the scenes in the creation of pornography?

Something May Be Wrong: Am I Addicted? (Sincere Questions)

8. If I look at porn, can I become addicted? Is pornography really an addiction?
9. How do I know if I’m addicted to pornography?
10. I’ve heard “once and addict, always an addict.” Is this true with porn addiction?
11. I struggle to not look at porn, do I have an addiction?
12. Everyone says watching porn is okay…why do I feel so bad?
13. Why is porn everywhere nowadays?
14. Do I need to see a doctor about my porn addiction?
15. Where can I read more about porn addiction?
16. Are there any lasting effects of watching porn?
17. Is porn addiction genetic?
18. What’ the typical profile of someone who’s addicted to porn?

In Need of Hope

19. I started w/ porn, but now am involved sexually. Is it too late for me?
20. I’ve tried to stop watching porn before. Can I really do it this time?
21. I’ve tried everything! How can I once and for all overcome pornography addiction?
22. Can people really break porn addictions or are they just wired that way?

Understanding Addiction

23. What role does fear play in a porn addiction?
24. What is the role of fantasy in a porn addiction?
25. What’s the role of shame in perpetuating a porn addiction?
26. What role does secrecy play in a pornography addiction?

Porn & the Brain (Porn as a Drug)

27. Why do I always “zone out” when I start thinking of porn? It’s like I can’t do anything else until I look at porn.
28. I’ve heard pornography is like a drug. How?
29. How can porn be addictive if you don’t ingest it?
30. If I see porn once will I always have those images in my head?
31. I’ve seen some pretty bad porn. Will it ever leave my mind?
32. How long does it take to forget the porn I’ve seen?
33. What happens in my brain when I look at porn?

Porn & Relationships

34. Can I watch porn and still have a healthy attitude towards women?
35. Can I overcome an addiction to pornography alone?
36. Can porn change the way I think about women?
37. How can my relationships with others help me in overcoming a porn addiction?
38. I already stopped watching porn. Do I still need to tell somebody about it?
39. How does pornography use affect my relationships?

Porn, Marriage & the Family

40. Can porn really destroy my marriage?
41. How do I tell my spouse about my struggles with porn?
42. My wife said she’d divorce me if she ever caught me looking at porn. I looked. What do I do?!
43. Won’t my addiction to pornography go away when I get married?
44. I’ve got porn, so why get married?
45. Why is porn more exciting than sex with my spouse?
46. What’s the difference between porn & sex within marriage?
47. Can I use porn to spice up my marriage?

Opening Up: Breaking the Silence

48. I feel like I’ll be rejected if I tell others about my porn problem.
49. How can I talk to my parents about my porn problem?
50. How can I overcome my embarrassment to tell someone about my struggle with porn?
51. I’m a public official, sharing my problem will harm many people, should I still come clean?
52. Why is it important to be accountable (i.e. report) to someone else for my porn problem?

Breaking Addiction

53. What can a 12 Step program do to help me break my porn addiction?
54. How can I stop watching porn?
55. What can my life be like without pornography?
56. What’s the role of gratitude in breaking a porn addiction?
57. What’s the role of service in overcoming a porn addiction?
58. Are there any meds I can take to stop my porn addiction?
59. What activities work best to replace my need for porn?
60. Why do I keep going back to porno even though I hate it?
61. What’s the most important thing I can do to break my porn addiction?
62. Are there affirmations I can use to change my attitudes and beliefs about porn and people?
63. Can I use hypnosis to stop my porn addiction?
64. Are there warning signs that someone is addicted to porn?

Addiction Prevention & Maintenance

65. What can I do on a daily basis to prevent porn addiction?
66. How do I identify the triggers that pull me back into my porn addiction?
67. I feel like I have no choice. Why can’t I stop looking at porn?
68. I know I should stop looking at porn, but don’t want to. What can I do?

The Pull

69. The urges to view porn are so overwhelming. How do I prepare to face the urges to view porn?
70. It feels like I’ll die if I don’t get porn. Why are these urges so strong?

Relapse

71. I just totally indulged in porn. What now?
72. If I’ve already relapsed why not just do it some more?
73. Is there a healthy way to deal with relapse?

Spiritual Questions

74. Will I go to Hell if I look at porn?
75. I’m a Christian, why am I still tempted to look at porn?
76. How can I involve God in my recovery from porn addiction?

Setting Healthy Boundaries

77. What do I do if I can access porn at work?
78. I have co-workers/friends that give me porn. What should I do?
79. I’m on the computer all day, what can I do to help prevent using porn?

What’s the Big Deal? Common Rationalizations

80. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with porn. Why should I stop?
81. Isn’t porn a good place to learn about sex?
82. How can I protect myself against the effects of porn?
83. What’s so bad about porn?
84. Is porn really that big of a problem?
85. Is the industry really out to get me? Seems like a scare tactic.
86. Isn’t it true that all guys look at porn?
87. Some say you can’t be addicted to porn because it’s not a substance. Is that true?
88. I only look at porn a little, what’s the big deal?
89. It’s my choice to look at porn if I want to, why don’t people get off my back?
90. Will looking at porn make me go blind?
91. My favorite magazine says that porn’s okay? Are they right? If not, why do they say it?
92. Will boundaries, like a filter, really help me with my porn addiction? I can just get around it.
93. What’s wrong with just looking once at porn to see what it’s like?
94. If porn feels so good, how can it be so bad?
95. I feel so low. Porn makes me feel normal. Why stop?
96. Is there ever a time when porn use is okay?

Taking a Stand: Community Advocacy

97. Aren’t there laws against pornography?
98. What can I do to keep porn out of my community?
99. What can I do to keep porn out of my home?
100. Is it important to talk openly about porn @ home even if there’s no problem?
101. How do I know if someone I love is struggling with porn?

Porn & Sex Addiction

January 4th, 2010

Pornography is a powerful mimicry of actual sexual relations. When a man and a woman engage in one of the most intimate acts they can engaged in, and if they have done so under the sanctifying shelter of a committed relationship, marriage, there is a strength, a binding and a powerful unifying that occurs. But when porn is introduced it bleeds this pure and real relationship of the true power it can hold. It can and so often does, lead to a perverted illusion and even a sex addiction.

Those suffering from a sex addiction fueled by the fire of porn so often don’t feel like there’s an escape. Thus, they may have come to justify their behavior as acceptable, or at very least, tolerable. But there is beauty missing from an otherwise amazing aspect of their committed relationship to their spouse.

While many emotions and thoughts in the head of the one addicted can keep them bound to a sex addiction, there are some that may help to break the chains and help them breathe beauty and wholeness again into that sacred aspect of the marriage relationship.

First, know and feel your worth as a human. If this is hart to do for you, imagine someone you know who you see as a great person. Put yourself in the picture and see them conferring their greatness upon you as one is knighted. You may also imagine them telling you that you are important and loved. Feel their acceptance into a new “brotherhood” and thank them for this amazing new perspective.

Second, know that there is hope! You’re not the only one who’s struggled with an addiction to porn or sex and you’re not the only one who will overcome this with consistent actions to learn, apply and teach those known skills that lead to personal freedom and happiness.

Third, know that you’ve been sent here to earth to accomplish great things. You may have already felt impressions as to what. This can make an addiction all the more frustrating, but know that there are incredible things in your future. Let the positive energy of these things fill your mind. See yourself affecting others in powerful ways. Letting go of this addiction to porn and/or sex will only be a wonderful step towards that future that’s filled with joy and light. You can know that future even now.

Start your journey by signing up to the right for a free mini course that will teach you a little about how the brain can trap you into an addiction to masturbation, porn, sex and how you can harness its power to get you out.

Sexual Addicts

January 4th, 2010

Addiction is a well understood phenomenon and these days with our growing capacity to look inside the human genetic structure and brain, that knowledge is ever increasing. Sexual addiction is sometimes not seen as a real addiction and occasionally it’s called a compulsion rather that an addiction, but sexual “addicts” know that despite their efforts to curb their undesirable behaviors, they’re trapped.

Sexuality is at the very core of our identity. It’s part of our very nature and like other addictions, addiction to sex or other sexual behavior can cause immense suffering, frustration and even very real danger.

While addictions to sex and sexual behavior exists it’s often very helpful for the one struggling to not classify themselves as “addicts,” but rather as capable and competent people who have become addicted. You will always he a being of light and great worth. You won’t always have an addiction, so learn now not to label yourself as an addict. It’s a struggle, not who you are. You can change. There is hope. Grab hold of it!

Now because there are all kinds of sexual behavior that one can engage in and subsequently find oneself trapped, it is not my intention to get into each one, but rather to touch on some of the beliefs that are common to them all.

Beliefs are our perception, views, attitudes and they color the way we see the world. Along the way those with a sexual addiction have come to adapt false and harmful beliefs. A good recovery program will help one sort out these and allow for adoption of healthy ones. Here are a few of the beliefs that can hinder healing:

1. “I’m all alone.” No, you’re not. There are people who understand what you’re going through and people that are eager to help.

2. “I’m not addicted.” Whether this is true or not ask yourself the questions, “am I happy? Am I getting the most out my life?” You may see your behavior in a very new light when evaluated in the context of your life goals.

3. “I‘m not hurting anyone.” As humans we need others. If you’re behavior is solitary you are building a wall between you and a real connection with other others. If your behavior is with others then you are jeopardizing your potential for a full and powerful relationship that one who builds unevenly upon sexual relations cannot ever achieve.

If you have thought any of these things please take a moment to fill your name and email in the form to the right for a free mini-course on understanding your sexual addiction and how to escape the misconception of being a sexual addict.

Sexual Addict

January 1st, 2010

Does you or someone you know have obsessive sexual thoughts or experience compulsive urges to act out in some sexual manner? While there is within each one of us a sex drive there is at times problems which come about and interfere with our lives in ways that can prove frustrating, painful or even dangerous. There is a way out!

I’d like to start by refuting the idea that anyone’s an “addict.” While addictions are very real and do occur, the mind has a powerful capacity to color our world by what we believe about it, about ourselves. If in our assessment of self we accept the idea that we’re an addict we also unfortunately may come to believe a whole slue of other things that just aren’t true like “I can’t do anything about it.” or “I don’t have a choice in the matter,“ “I was born this way,“ “That’s just the way I am.”

While we have been born with a particular genetic makeup and some have even been born with propensities towards certain addictions we all were born with the precious gift of choice. There’s ALWAYS a choice. What is often felt as helplessness can be better classified as behavior patterns which has become easier and stronger through repetition and chemical reinforcement.

Also, before you were an “addict” you were first an amazing child of divine heritage with the capacity and possibility to think, understand, grow and succeed at making choices that bring happiness, peace and fulfillment. Anything that teaches you otherwise is false and will serve to further entrench you addiction. Don’t believe it!

So, while you mat have been born with a gene or two for a tendency towards addiction, the whole of your spiritual DNA is eternal and divine.

Now, with this idea in place and remembered often it’s possible to understand that you are not weak, a moron or a loser, but rather that you have great strengths and that the addiction is actually using them against you.

You can learn to see how. You’re not alone in your addiction. There are many who have done it before and many who are finding freedom right now. To receive a free mini-course designed for the “sexual addict” and pornography addiction recovery please sign up on the right.

Pornography Addiction Recovery

December 31st, 2009

While a darkness can mask this hope to anyone involved in such an addiction, there IS hope. A recovery from an addiction to pornography is possible! Occasionally hopelessness can lead to an apathetic attitude and even serve to cause the one with the addiction to conclude that there’s nothing wrong with their behavior, changing at times prior to values and beliefs that didn’t accept this kind of behavior.

Apathy is hard to combat; however, even the skeptic can come to understand a greater picture of what life has in store for those who learn to “bridle their passions.” While pornography use, most often accompanied by masturbation, can become the default solution to many of life’s situations in which we feel boredom, loneliness, stress, anger, tiredness, hunger, fear and other emotions, if there is a sense that there’s a better way within the mind of awareness of the so-called addict then there’s enough to provide a foundation to begin a successful recovery.

Because there’s a tendency within many to not be pushed or forced to do things one addicted to porn often has to recognize this feeling this whispering from within. If they take a moment to consider this they’ll often understand that there IS a way to life that generates greater happiness. When any bitterness or resistance is let go of the process can begin to flourish.

Recovery is a process. It’s learning how to think, how to act and how to feel in order to have a healthy and rewarding lifestyle. Recovery is also going to involve at some point learning how to connect with others in meaningful ways. This doesn’t mean that you need to become a social butterfly, simply that the relationships you do have take on new life and become stranger and powerfully beneficial.

Recovery is most often effective when it’s part of a structured plan that can be engaged in on a daily basis. Consistency is a necessity to changing behavior.

If you’d like to free mini course that shows how to overcome pornography addiction and includes assignments and pod casts sign up to the right. You’ll also have the chance to join a great program that’s helped many on their journey to recovery from pornography addiction.

Overcome Pornography Addiction

December 31st, 2009

Overcoming a pornography addiction may seem daunting, but here are 3 principles and 3 actions to help you succeed and overcome the frustration and pan that comes with this and any addiction.

Principle 1: There is hope! Addiction is understood very well and there are many who in the chains of porn addiction who have grasped onto that hope and have overcome.

Principle 2: You’re not alone! There are people who know how you feel. There are people tht know how to help and eager to do so. Your addiction is a personal problem, but it affects others as well and can be overcome with the help of others.

Principle 3: You have a choice! Addiction tears down resolve and many often come to a point of feeling like they have no choice – like they were born that way, like there’s nothing they can do, or like the efforts they make are worthless. This is absolutely false. You ALWAYS have a choice and that’s one of the most powerful tools to help you break free.

Now, thinking on the above ideas would be worth your while. Take some quiet moments and let them sink in. Ask yourself how you’ve thought and felt about them in the past and how you feel about them now. When you come to a point of hopefulness consider the following 3 actions you could do immediately to help you move towards freedom from your addiction.

Action 1: What’s most important to you? Take some time to consider and write down the things in life that build you, that make you excited, that bring you a sense of complete and utter joy and fulfillment. This will be a very powerful tool in your recovery. Do something to feel the power of these daily and the strength of your addiction will begin to weaken.

Action 2: Open your heart. Find someone you can trust to share fully what you’re struggling with. You may choose to share with a family member, a clergyman or close friend. This will break the power that your additions holds over you through secrecy. You’ll also realize that you can be loved and accepted and that your addiction may be a challenge to conquer, but it doesn’t determine your worth as a human being.

Action 3: Begin an organized plan. This may be a workbook, an addiction recovery program or going to see a counselor that can work with you to adopt healthy views of sexuality and to discover the joys to be had in freedom from pornography addiction.

If you’d like to learn more please fill in your name and email to the right for a free mini-course or learn a little about Sex Addicts Anonymous.

Break Porn Addiction

December 28th, 2009

Breaking any habit can be tough, not to mention one that is reinforced with strong chemical bond in the brain. This is exactly what a porn addiction is, a powerful bond formed in the brain to the experience of pornography viewing, reinforced greatly by the presence of masturbation.

Pornography addiction is a drug addiction. Mark Kastleman in his book The Drug of the New Millennium identifies the chemical released during a session of pornography and self-stimulation. These chemicals are the same as the ones present during a loving sexual interaction between husband and wife. The problem is that when these chemicals are released during porn viewing it leads to a powerful bond with the fake relationship instead of a real one with a partner. One comes to give anything for an image instead of their beloved companion.

While addictions are hard to break, it can be done! You can break your porn addiction. Many feel trapped and hopeless, like they are unique in some way that excludes them from the joy to be felt in life when emotional and other challenges are faced head on and dealt with productively rather than turning to at “drug of choice.”

Along with this understanding it’s also important to know that through learning correct principles, through applying them and through doing it on a consistent basis one ca break even the powerful bonds of a porn addiction.

The sex drive that’s been placed in each one of us is a precious gift that can unite a man and wife and allow for natural growth that surpasses any attempt at self-gratification through masturbation and pornography

To break free from the darkness of pornography you’re going to need a little light to illuminate the path. Truth is this way to freedom. Learning the truth of your addiction will brighten your hope and give you the courage needed to succeed. As you act on the truth you find you’ll slowly gain a character that will be able to stand up to the temptations you have to engage in pornography.

Check out the mini-course at the right to check out some powerful information that’s helped thousands who are addicted to masturbation, pornography and other sexual behaviors.

Stop Porn Addiction

December 23rd, 2009

Trying to stop a porn addiction? It’s been frustrating hasn’t it? You’ve made promise after promise to yourself and others that you’d never do it again…and yet you did. If you have found your way here I’m extremely pleased and excited for you. Because here is where you’ll find hope, gain confidence and learn the way to stop a porn addiction!

Before I invite you to get some free information and powerful podcasts I will go over a few of the principles I consider to be a necessary foundation for stopping an addiction to pornography.

Principle 1: There is a God and he loves you infinitely. To understand that there is a being who knows where I have been, how I feel and the circumstances of how I got into this place is good, but then also to know that I am his child and thus have infinite potential and capability and strength is amazing! He loves us and thus we may know that any thoughts or feelings that cut us down and tell us we’re no good are not from him.

Principle 2: We have a choice. Many have come to a believe, as I did at times, that having an addiction means that I have no choice in the matter. There is always a choice! Though urges and feelings of acting out most likely have grown stronger by acting on them, we always have a choice. Often when we indulge in porn viewing we have let ourselves believe we have no choice or it’s too strong. Use your agency wisely and your capacity to make proper choices will increase. Abuse that gift by rationalizations and that too will become easier.

Principle 3: There is always hope! Hope isn’t something that ever goes away. While we may turn away and thus not see it, it’s always nearby. Admitting our true situation may be scary, but only by doing so can we assess the scene rightly and lay the foundation to move on.

“When the student is ready the teacher will appear,” says an ancient Chinese proverb. If you’re ready to learn how to break a porn addiction put your name and email in the form to the right for powerful tools and education to make your promises to yourself finally last.

Overcome Porn Addiction

December 21st, 2009

I speak to those of you who want to overcome a porn addiction. Thank you for coming to my site. I have been struggling for years with an addiction to porn and I have finally decided that I have had enough. It has been a long journey, but I am giving all that I got now and am realizing how necessary personal effort is in overcoming an addiction like this.

Pornography is mesmerizing and our brains are so good at “helping” us to rationalize what is obviously a practice in deception, deception of the model, deception of the sellers, deception in self and society’s acceptance of that which binds many down to a connection with fantasy rather that with real people.

Overcoming porn addiction is a tough battle. There are several obstacles that I’ve come to identify in my own efforts to break free from its tight grasp:

  1. Keep it secret, keep it going. One of the more difficult things to do is to admit to yourself that you have a problem, let alone admitting it to others. However, a powerful chain is broken when you share with others that with which you struggle.
  2. Doubt disables deliverance. Hope is one of the most powerful tools you have in your arsenal. Hope helps you learn from relapses. Hope helps you to see the situation for what it is, temporary. Hope allows you to find joy in the journey, not just the destination. And the best part is, Hope is Real!
  3. If you’re alone, you’re weak. Unfortunately this deception is one of the most common and most terrible lies. First of all, you are NEVER alone! Others can understand what you’re going through. Your behaviors doesn’t just affect yourself, it affects others. And you need others to overcome your porn addiction. Reach out, serve and trust others. You will be amazed at the power you gain from it!
  4. “I’ll grow out of it.” For some reason, this one really got me. I have believed that it is just a phase and that one day I will wake up and not have the need for porn anymore. Unfortunately, this deception leads one to in action and thus no progress is made in healing. You won’t “just grow out of” porn addiction.

Involving others with your recovery is essential. Reach out and take courage. Overcoming your porn addiction is possible. To learn more of the specifics on how addiction affects the brain and how you can break free please leave your name and email in the form to the right. You will get access to powerful free information and learn how to stop porn addiction.

Masturbation Addict

December 18th, 2009

In the 12 step programs there is a phrase often tossed around that I quite disagree with. The statement is usually something like, “once an addict, always an addict.” While I understand that there’s always a need in everyone’s life to be cautious of falling into dark patterns of behavior, I also know the human brain has an amazing plasticity or ability to change. One should not underestimate the capacity of the human spirit to exert change when it sets its will to do so and for that change to become permanent, a very part of their nature.

With this initial premise in place I wish to talk briefly to those who may consider themselves or be considered by others to be a masturbation addict. Masturbation or self-stimulation is nothing new. Sexual tendencies lie within all of us & they have been exploited in many ways as long as humans have been around.

Quite often those who compulsively masturbate also have incorporated into their belief system false ideas which do them great disservice. These beliefs can lead them to engage in the illusion of intimacy while avoiding the heart of it. While seeing a professional therapist may be appropriate there is much headway one can make on their own to understand & correct those core beliefs.

Each of us has an inner voice that when paid attention to can help us understand great things about ourselves, including the reasons we may have turned to masturbation in the first place.

Even though masturbation is quite common it is not a proper means of expressing the sexual desires we have had placed inside of us by a loving Heavenly Father. Masturbation has been used to condition people to become stimulated by deviant behavior (Human Intimacy, Victor L. Brown). This is one thing that makes masturbation such a problem to those seeking real human intimacy, that deep & meaningful connection with others.

Chemicals released during sexual intercourse help join man & woman together in a committed, loving relationship while masturbation mimics the chemical release but provides not those things that a real relationship can. It also forms a bond to the object of attention.

Pornography addiction for example is a bond often formed by the means of masturbation. A connection to pictures or videos rather than a spouse can lead to wedges driven into what otherwise may have been a beautiful & rewarding relationship.

For the “masturbation addict” it’s important to know first and foremost that you are a child of God with unlimited potential divinely placed inside of you! You have great power to change. There IS hope! Learn to listen to that voice within as you turn your heart to that voice from above. Follow the impressions you get to move towards good, they will not fail you.

Along the way, learning of how your brain can pull you down into an addiction is very important. To begin your journey sign up for the free mini-course to the right that will give you help with porn addiction, masturbation & other sexual behaviors.

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