Posts Tagged ‘honesty’

Getting Back Up

March 21st, 2011

So, you guys ever feel like you’ve been stuck before? (That’s a rhetorical questions) I’ve been feeling that way for over a month now. I started this website as a journey for myself, but I think I’ve let myself believe that I needed to have all the answers, that I needed to have no setbacks, in essence, that I needed to be perfect in order to keep sharing my efforts here. Along the way some have assumed that because I created a site to help people with their struggles with pornography that I myself have completely overcome them. Not so, but I AM trying.

It takes a lot to admit your flaws, to admit that you’re not where you want to be. It’s difficult to be vulnerable with friends, let alone a whole bunch of strangers who find their way to your website. So, I’ve been avoiding updating everyone on my status and reaching out to those who have answers and interviewing them over the last couple months. I know it’s normal to feel fear, but it’s not as common to admit it and face it. I’ve once again come to the conclusion that the more I open up and share from the heart the more I am able to walk through the fear instead of cowering in a corner each time I feel it.

The last two weeks I’ve gone back to my 12 step program that I think I’ve been avoiding. I also met today with my religious leader. I’m setting goals to move on with my life, I’m planning my days and turning my desires over to a higher power. Through all of this I have been learning that strength comes from honesty. I felt that before and had even begun writing a book about it. It just feels like I can’t write until learn more about the topic. There’s a reason I guess that I keep relearning the need for honesty. Each time I close up and try to hide things from those who offer their help to me I jump onto a superficial plane where I’m not able to progress. It feels like I’m trying to ride my bike to a destination hundreds of miles away, but doing it on a stationary bike.

I often think about the interviews I’ve done up until this point with great men and women and they’ve all had one thing in common, they’ve all shown me in one way or another that they’ve had courage in the face of fear.

I just want to say thank you to those who have listened, who have supported me endlessly (even when I don’t appear to be making any progress) and for the friends, family and strangers who have shared with me hope and much needed love. YOU keep me going. YOU inspire me to try again. YOU lift me up when I fall and I thank you for it. I’m getting back up and I hope to join you again. Let’s fight the good fight.

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Breaking a Porn Addiction

January 5th, 2010

Breaking a porn addiction can be a little bit like trying to swim upstream in a fast moving river. Tired and worn out so many get swept away into the powerful current assuming that there’s no other way. While this may seem like the only option, it’s not! If you’re struggling against the current of porn addiction, looking, panicked and doubtfully for a break in the rapids then let me extend to you an oar and point the way to the shore.

In their book entitled “Willpower is Not Enough,” A. Dean Byrd & Mark Chamberlain explain that one reason we don’t succeed at change despite our continued efforts is that we think we need to force ourselves to refrain, an act of the mind. They explain beautifully that by accessing the power of the heart, by learning to channel our desires, emotions and needs properly we can avoid the daunting waves that can and will sweep over us before they destroy us.

We must know, if we quietly assess the situation, that we are much more capable than we’ve been giving ourselves credit for. We all have value outside our actions. Even the man with the greatest burden is of great worth to God, for he is His son and has the opportunity to obtain all that God has. Even that mans potential beyond imagination.

Breaking free may have seemed impossible up ‘till now, but with God, nothing is impossible! Success is inevitable to one who puts his trust in the Lord. To Him, you’ve already won. Do you wonder why 12 Step programs have been so successful at helping people out of addictions of all types, alcoholism, over eating, gambling, sex addictions, etc.?

One reason in addiction to the connection that one develops with their God in the course of the program is the place of honesty it can bring one to. When one admits before God that they are powerless with out him, they find that his power is more than sufficient. When they surrender their meager control over their addiction they find that the control He provides is much greater than they ever had.

This release may seem counterintuitive, after all, the river rages and you’re determined to fight it. Just let go and you’ll see that the heavens have already orchestrated your safe arrival on the shore.

One other reason that the 12 step programs are so powerful is that they are founded on the principles of personal responsibility and effort. You have been given power to act. You always have a choice even if your capacity has diminished through giving into porn over and over again.

You always have a choice. That choice may be as small as going to a meeting, starting to feast upon the word of God or to open up to a friend or family member, but remember, you always have a choice. As the successful Bob (What About Bob) once learned, “baby steps” is the way to move forward one step at a time.

Here’s one baby step you can take right now to enhance your letting go process: Fill out the form to the right and get access to a free mini-course packed with powerful principles that have helped thousands break their porn & sex addictions!

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How to Break Porn Addiction

December 22nd, 2009

Have you ever heard the phrase “kicking against the pricks?” Picture sawing against the grain or paddling upstream. These phrases all refer to doing something against the natural and intended way. This typically leads to frustration in emotion and in progress. We must learn how to break a porn addiction or we will be broken against it.

While there are methods that help many break free from the chains of addiction to pornography there are also reasons deep down that are very individual to he who is chained. In the course of most therapies designed for addictions you’ll find some way to get at these often “hidden” reasons. Many addictions have a long history that has often been forgotten. Abuse, abandonment, neglect and other root causes could have been tossed into the back of the memory rarely accessed by the one addicted.

However, it is essential that whatever program you use that it has opportunities and even guided helps on accessing those unwanted memories that may have been swept under the rugs of the mind. Reframing these hurts will help you learn how to deal with new pains that you will inevitably encounter.

Breaking a porn addiction also involves gaining a greater understanding of the process of addiction. How the mind works in becoming increasingly more visible and a knowledge of this can help facilitate much needed kindness towards yourself. Understanding the mind’s role in your addiction will also give you powerful awareness of how to use your brain in your favor instead of letting pornography use it against you.

Another key element in breaking a porn addiction is learning to listen. I’m not talking about learning to listen to pour parents, spouse or clergyman, though also have their place and could be a natural outgrowth of what I’m talking about here. No, I’m talking about learning to listen to yourself.

A quiet place, a piece of paper and a list of honest questions to ask yourself can do wonders. Ponder the answers to the questions like, Why do I look at pornography? What do I really want? What does God know that could help? As you think on these and other questions that come to mind you may just have a slue of personal insight that no program can provide…unless of course it has you do this activity as well :) .

If you’re looking for more answers on how to break a porn addiction please put your name and email in the form to the right for powerful information and free podcasts that have been used to help may overcome porn addiction.

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