I have thought a lot on the idea of where real worth comes from. I recall leaving home to do some mission work in a foreign country. It was wonderful and up till that point I had never felt closer to God as I had then. But somewhere along the way things got tougher and while not understanding all the reasons, I faltered and lost confidence and power in my efforts to bring people to the arms of Christ. I’ve often looked back on that to try to determine what it was that contributed to the good times and what it was that I did to loose my footing.

Recently I came to some important understandings about my life. During the WRAP Week interviews for the Honest Answers Podcast I was introduced to a 21 Day Program of Tony Litster‘s in which he walked me through some activities to help me “clear out the weeds” in the garden of my mind. We evaluated why I do what I do, the beliefs behind the actions, etc. After the weeding, and all along the way actually, he shared this idea of being enough. The idea same idea was shared by other guests throughout the week as well and it slowly started to sink in…until one day I was feeling some urges to act out my addiction, but decided instead to turn to God. It was incredible how he helped me to see what the urge was all about, what was driving the powerful feelings of lust. It’s like he took the blinders away and allowed me to see things as they really were. That time I was simply hungry. The next time I turned to Him my eyes were opened to see that I feared never really being loved.

Each time I’ve turned to him during these moments of temptation, I’ve been filled with a love from heaven that let’s me know I am enough, period. My worth is not based on my weaknesses, character flaws or even poor choices I’ve made. Do those things bring sorrow? Sure they do, but they don’t change the way that my Father Above feels about me. And they don’t need to weigh me down with sorrow or shame, in essence keeping from reaching my full potential. My worth is constant.

So, with this new understanding I looked back on my mission experience & I saw things with new eyes. Because I unknowing attaching my worth to my behaviors I felt great during the time I was doing good, but when I began to slip, I had concluded that my worth too had somehow slipped as well. That contributed to a downward spiral and led me right back into patterns that I had left behind for near a year’s time.

Well, I want to remind myself and you as well that God loves you infinitely. In His eyes you are GREAT! There is NOTHING you can do that will ever change that. Understanding this helped me get past the barriers that I had put up between Him & I. Knowing that He was constant in his ability to love me gave me permission to go to Him when I was slipping and work through the hard feelings so I could again stand on firm ground. You are MORE than the choices that you’ve made. You are God’s kid!