The third thing that has been very powerful has been a few changes in my Face it. Replace it. Connect. I started listing to an audio program called The Power of Visualization. In addition to breathing in gratitude and talking truth to my temptations I practiced a little visual spoken about on the CD. Dr. Lee Pulos. He had me imagine where I want to be. Picture it clearly, eliciting my senses of touch, smell, sight, sound & taste.  Next you picture your current state, but don’t give it much energy, you can imagine it in black & white even. Then switch back & forth between the two visions. I found some great motivation doing this. Doing this allowed me to see the GREAT contrast between the  two and I was very excited.

These three things have given me much more ability to keep myself from wallowing in false beliefs about myself.

I have since come to a very different opinion of dreams. After looking a little into what dreams are I’ve felt some comfort in the thoughts of some dream researchers. Some believe that dreams are ways for our subconscious minds to work out answers to problems that we have during the day.

One researcher had worked with a girl that had been raped and was continually having nightmares about being overpowered by some man. She was told to enter her dreams and face her attacker. When she did her bad dreams stopped. Facing her fears brought about resolution.

[dream video]

Dreams have meant quite a bit to me over the years. I have spent time thinking about the things that happen in my dreams and felt some pretty powerful meanings arise. In one dream I stood in front of a classroom for some sort of show and tell. I had a little red pig that my girlfriend at the time had given to me. As I stood up there I felt embarrassed in front of the classroom, so I make fun of the pig. Everyone laughed, but I saw at the back of the room my girlfriend run away crying. I was unaware that she had been there, but at that moment I knew that I had something in my life that was important that I wasn’t treasuring as I should. Upon thinking about that meaning I was able to clearly identify something in my waking life that I needed to take more seriously.

I am grateful for my dreams and even thought I don’t fully understand them I am glad I have them.

After I woke up this morning I turned on a podcast by Candeo’s Mark Kastleman about Dealing with Erotic Dreams. One thing that I like about what he said was that we can approach waking from our dreams in the same way that we approach any other stimulus or trigger, with facing it, replacing it and connecting. We can do some gratitude breathing if we feel aroused and then give the dream the meaning that we want, replacing old beliefs that keep us trapped as prisoners to those dreams.

He suggested that if it’s too powerful we put in an inspiring movie or some powerful music to help us vividly connect with our motives and goals. And if by chance we wake up in the middle of the night and feel like there’s no way to connect he suggested journaling as a powerful way to connect with other. We could even write a letter to a friend or plan out some service we’re gonna do 1st thing when we wake up.

Breaking from the topic of dreams, I felt like I haven’t been as diligent the last couple of days in my recovery. I haven’t spent time learning or practicing that much. I’m not going to beat myself up for it, so I want to remember some of the great things that I’ve chosen to do. I have been with my girlfriend each day after work and have shared some sweet moments with her and her daughter. Last night we built a fort in their front room and roasted hot dogs and marshmallows over the fire in their fireplace. Good times!

I choose to avoid being complacent and am recommitting to being vigilant in my recovery and I’m excited to learn and grow each day.

Glory to God!

First, I notice temptations or triggers. This takes some practice. Second, I stop what I’m doing, get up (or sit down as the case may be) and begin deep breathing (about 6 seconds in and 6 seconds out). With each breathe out I share with my Father in Heaven something I am grateful for. I do this 5 times. Third, I talk to the temptation and re-frame the situation to reflect the truth and my goals instead of the deceptions I’ve ingrained in my mind through repetitiously following my impulses. Forth, I envision my goals and good things and bring into my awareness the feeling of success. I enjoy it and bask in it for a while.  Lastly, I reach out and connect to another by doing something nice for them, a smile, a compliment, a nice text message or call just to say I was thinking of them.

Take a list of common temptations that lead you to indulge in your undesired sexual behavior. Each day spend some time morning and night practicing this little technique with each of those situations so that when you actually DO face them you’ll have given your brain a way to face and address them rather than giving in. There’s only one big difference between real life facing and replacing and your practice sessions and that is you’re going to have to imagine the temptation in your mind. When you begin to feel the strength of it, that’s when you begin breathing. At first it may seem like you’re inviting temptation, but keep practicing and you’ll break the associations you’ve formed over time.

This has been just one of the powerful techniques in a broader program of healing. It’s helpful to understand this tool in context. To check out my reviews of the program click on one of the following links. From each page you’ll be given a link that will give you access to free educational audio programs about recovery and the brain science behind porn addiction as well as masturbation and other sexual addictions.

• Pornography Addiction Recovery Program
• Masturbation Addiction Recovery Program
• Sexual Addiction Recovery Program

Note: The Face it. Replace it. Connect. method is not my own. I learned it from the Candeo Pornography Addiction Recovery Program and made some of my own adjustments. To me, this process has become somewhat of a prayer to me. It has become my expression of faith, or rather the action I have chosen to do to follow my Savior to become pure as he is pure.

Yesterday I had a rough day. It was rough because when I was tempted I did not fully give my heart to engaging in my “Face it. Replace it. Connect.” exercise. This simple skill has come to mean a couple very special things to me.

By giving attention to how I’m feeling and thinking and then facing it with God’s help I have seen that each day I am given so many opportunities to choose who I follow and what direction I go. THAT is powerful!

So, back to yesterday. When I was tempted by my situations I stopped myself mid indulgence and ran from each one, believing the lies that were swirling around in my head:

• You are not a good person, look at what you’re thinking.
• This is too powerful. You can’t fight it.

The day almost ended with a conversation with my girlfriend. I spoke to her about my day filled with temptation and how I hadn’t fully faced them. I say almost because when I went home I opened my mind again to fantasy and in a tired state I proceeded to remove the computer filter that has been ever so helpful. I then indulged in pornography viewing and self-stimulation until about 4:30 in the morning all the while despising myself for the choice. I had had the thought to just go to bed. I had another impression to call my girl. I followed neither.

This morning as I talked to my girlfriend about it we both expressed frustration, but hope. We made a couple of invaluable observations.

1. I am not the feelings I was feeling. I am God’s son.
2. I should focus in on the progress and growth I’ve been making, not that I slipped again.
3. Because of the success I’d been having over the last week, the porn felt foreign to me. This was a step in a good direction.

All in all, I have had some valuable moments this morning as I’ve thought and written about the whole experience. I also began level 5 of my porn addiction recovery program. The first question was how the intensity of my recovery has changed. I HAVE felt the strength of the temptations lessening because I’ve been given a tool that allows me to stop, think, feel and act. Without this tool I had been running from my temptations and giving into them when I got tired of running.

Though I slipped a bit, I know that I’m not back to ground zero. I acknowledge the powerful changes that are taking place in my life. I know that they are a process and I’m pleased to be on this journey to freedom.