Posts Tagged ‘beliefs’

Leaving Behind False Beliefs

September 3rd, 2011

I relapsed yesterday. Upon thinking about where it all began I stumbled upon the fact that I sat in front of the computer with no plan. I was doing anything BUT my work. That wasn’t the problem exclusively. Looking deeper I saw that my thoughts around that was that I was incapable of succeeding in life. It’s THOSE thoughts that create the frustration & anxiety. It’s THOSE thoughts that I’m running from. I’m learning to observe them and surrender them and boy, it’s sure powerful. I’m also getting in the habit of listing things that I’m grateful for. Now THAT’S powerful!

To keep from repeating yesterday, I wrote down exactly what I wanted to do during specific time frames, limiting myself to 30 minute stints online along and visiting only one specific site, the one where I could accomplish what I set out to do during that 30 minutes.

My first 30 minute I spent 10 minutes looking into something that wasn’t on my plan. When my 30 minutes was up I hopped off the internet and changed activities like I had planned. This change was like a reset button and my propensity to wander was starved. The plan worked for today and though I’ve had a real difficult time making plans in the past, I believe it was due to my perfectionistic tendencies that were driven by the belief that I’m not capable of succeeding. The time to leave  behind THAT belief has come!

Learning to Surrender (Audio Post)

August 3rd, 2011

Passing day 35 of my 90 in 90 I am learning to surrender. When I first jumped into 12 step addiction recovery meetings it was a difficult thing to understand what that meant, but I’m seeing that it’s a very practical thing to do throughout the day. When I began recovery I began by surrendering my addiction, admitting that I am powerless over it. As I’ve been doing that I, in essence, peeled back a layer of the onion that is my soul. Once that was pulled back I saw that I needed to surrender not only my behavior, but my urges to act out. Once that was pulled back, I noticed that there was frustration that too could be surrendered. Even deeper was what that frustration was stemming from and covering, feelings of inferiority, beliefs that I was not good enough or that I was incapable of succeeding.

Here’s what surrender looks like to me. In moments where I notice my eyes wandering, when I’m frustrated, when I feel irritated, I say to God, “Hey God, I notice that I am looking to objectify. I am giving this desire to you. You’ve promised strength to those who ask. I am asking now for you to take my wandering eyes and deliver to me courage and peace of mind.” I will also often get up and move to a different location or go for a quick walk to have this conversation in order to help change my state of mind. It’s simple. It’s practical and best of all, it’s a skill that I can practice in the moment.

Addicted to Masturbation

December 26th, 2009

Are you addicted to masturbation? Do you find yourself unable to stop despite continued efforts and countless broken promises and ongoing frustration with your perceived inability to control your behavior? Well here are ten questions to ask yourself to get to the bottom of your masturbation addiction.

1.Why do you masturbate?

2.Why do you wish to stop masturbating? Is it because someone close to you thinks it is disgusting or inappropriate? Is it because it interferes with your goals and plans? Is it because you feel deep inside that you’re not living to your fullest?

3.When did you begin masturbating? Perhaps you were taught while you were young. Perhaps when you were a teenager.

4.How often do you masturbate? The more frequently you masturbate the greater the chance of addiction.

5.When do you masturbate? Is there a time of day, like when you wake up or go to bed, that you choose to do it? Attention to this shines the light of awareness into the darkness of despair.

6.What feelings immediately precede your choice to masturbate? This may be a hard one (no pun intended). Often times the addiction gone unchecked leads the one addicted to form a routine. The routine is entered into often not even realizing that one is going into it. Identifying how you feel just before can help you know when you’re most vulnerable.

7.Do you view pornography while you masturbate? While they don’t always go hard in hand viewing pornography adds volumes of images later available for recall in fantasy. Porn doesn’t help an addiction.

8.Do you masturbate despite sexual relations with a spouse? If so, perhaps examining the state of the relationship would help. How open are you with each other? How much do you connect emotionally? Etc.

9.What are your beliefs about masturbation? That it’s okay? Healthy? Harmful? A sin? A moral weakness?? Your beliefs all largely play a part in your addiction. You’ll want to evaluate your Beliefs and look down deep to determine how correct they are.

10.What would life look like without being addicted to masturbation? Many forget that our thoughts determine our actions & without regularly seeing a pictures of freedom from addiction one cannot expect to ever escape.

If you’d like to receive some pornography addiction help, sign up for the free e-course at the right.

Cure Porn Addiction

December 24th, 2009

The question may be asked of many ailments that plague mankind: Can it be cured? Meaning, can I get rid of the pain and live normally again? While many only treat the symptoms there is real hope when the question is asked by those suffering with a porn addiction. YES! You CAN cure porn addiction.

Belief System

Porn addiction, like many other problems is rooted in the mind. Now that doesn’t mean simply “don’t think about it and it won’t be a problem.” No, what i mean is that the roots of it begin in the brain. Our beliefs are what guide our actions whether we’re conscious of those beliefs or not. Beliefs evaluated can help one uncover the meaning of pornography in their life. Beliefs are important to understand, beliefs of self, of other, of life, of love, of God. Knowing what you believe can put you in a place of knowing what led you to and what is supporting your continued participation in pornography.

Beliefs are a key to understanding your porn addiction; however, for anyone that’s ever indulged in pornography viewing there’s an added element, biological control. The brain is most definitely affected by the beliefs we espouse and the thoughts we have, but another layer is added to the mix when we act on those mental constructs.

Biology of Porn

Viewing pornography however is more than just a regular behavior. Chemicals are released in the brain and body that intensify the experience and cement it deeper into our very being than other actions may. This experience gains ever a deeper hold when it is accompanied by masturbation. The greater ever when orgasm is achieved in this process.

These two components are essential to evaluate if your addiction to porn is to be cured. A good counselor can help you evaluate the limiting and destructive beliefs that led you to pornography and can help you to develop new and productive ones that help you gain control over biology of the addiction.

Mental Illness

Another thing to consider if you are addicted to pornography is the existence of any other mental illnesses or addictions. Many clinicians are beginning to note for instance that the existence of ADHD, alcohol addiction and other addictions of ten accompany porn addictions.

Make sure your looking at the whole picture and not simply your challenges with pornography. Treating your whole self will be much more affective in curing your addiction to pornography than simply looking at the porn problem in isolation.

Find a counselor in your area that can help you evaluate the true motive of your addiction and in the meantime get started on understanding your beliefs behind your struggles by filling in the form to the right for free info & powerful podcasts to help you stop porn addiction.

Masturbation Addict

December 18th, 2009

In the 12 step programs there is a phrase often tossed around that I quite disagree with. The statement is usually something like, “once an addict, always an addict.” While I understand that there’s always a need in everyone’s life to be cautious of falling into dark patterns of behavior, I also know the human brain has an amazing plasticity or ability to change. One should not underestimate the capacity of the human spirit to exert change when it sets its will to do so and for that change to become permanent, a very part of their nature.

With this initial premise in place I wish to talk briefly to those who may consider themselves or be considered by others to be a masturbation addict. Masturbation or self-stimulation is nothing new. Sexual tendencies lie within all of us & they have been exploited in many ways as long as humans have been around.

Quite often those who compulsively masturbate also have incorporated into their belief system false ideas which do them great disservice. These beliefs can lead them to engage in the illusion of intimacy while avoiding the heart of it. While seeing a professional therapist may be appropriate there is much headway one can make on their own to understand & correct those core beliefs.

Each of us has an inner voice that when paid attention to can help us understand great things about ourselves, including the reasons we may have turned to masturbation in the first place.

Even though masturbation is quite common it is not a proper means of expressing the sexual desires we have had placed inside of us by a loving Heavenly Father. Masturbation has been used to condition people to become stimulated by deviant behavior (Human Intimacy, Victor L. Brown). This is one thing that makes masturbation such a problem to those seeking real human intimacy, that deep & meaningful connection with others.

Chemicals released during sexual intercourse help join man & woman together in a committed, loving relationship while masturbation mimics the chemical release but provides not those things that a real relationship can. It also forms a bond to the object of attention.

Pornography addiction for example is a bond often formed by the means of masturbation. A connection to pictures or videos rather than a spouse can lead to wedges driven into what otherwise may have been a beautiful & rewarding relationship.

For the “masturbation addict” it’s important to know first and foremost that you are a child of God with unlimited potential divinely placed inside of you! You have great power to change. There IS hope! Learn to listen to that voice within as you turn your heart to that voice from above. Follow the impressions you get to move towards good, they will not fail you.

Along the way, learning of how your brain can pull you down into an addiction is very important. To begin your journey sign up for the free mini-course to the right that will give you help with porn addiction, masturbation & other sexual behaviors.

Pornography has Real Consequences

November 17th, 2009

I picked up a book several weeks ago that I should have left alone, but it gave a definition of pornography that I found particularly cavalier and destructive. The definition was something to the effect that porn was anything that people wanted to suppress and hide about the human body. The attitude was one of discrediting anyone that thought nudity and sexuality shouldn’t be openly embraced. The message was clearly one justifying such a stance.

Over time I’ve learned that many have been fooled into believing that there’s no such thing as right and wrong. It’s interesting how these words can call like sirens. They flatter the unaware listener and say there’s no devil, that there’s no God and that man is free to do what he wants without consequence.

Well, how unattractive would the Hollywood blockbuster be that actually showed the long-term consequences of an all night kegger or the loss of ability of one to connect really with others as they squander their efforts with one-night stands?

Despite the effort of many to disassociate natural consequences from action we will one day have to account for our actions. Facing the music shouldn’t be our sole motivation for seeking out and living according to truth, but it’s a reminder ever now and then to not heed the smooth lies that abound all around us.

Truth: There are natural outcomes to all actions, thoughts, attitudes and feelings. The closer I look the better I can see what leads to what. I will be patient with myself as I watch and pray always that I am not led into temptation.

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