Last week I moved to a new city in a new state for work. I had been telling myself that when the move happened I would start a new life, leave behind all the past. Well, the funny thing about that is that we always take ourselves with us when we go anywhere. So, if I wasn’t willing to change before I left then a move by itself wouldn’t magically cause that to surface. Change is a decision. Decisions happen in the present. I decide now to change.
So, I went to an SA meeting last night out here just as something to do. I didn’t have a real strong dedication to engage in a recovery activity, but rather wanted to see a friend. However, in the meeting I was reminded by the honesty in the room that I’m not alone. I think that I’ve been pretty laid back for the last few months about recovery. While stringent adherence I’ve learned can sometimes cause stress and unnecessary guilt, I’ve also learned that approaching recovery in a casual, non-intentional way can lead to similarly frustrating results.
I writing now to remember that the addict inside of me doesn’t just go away because I ignore him. I’m writing to remind myself that I have so much going for me and when I fail to stop and recognize that, and be grateful for that, I so easily get sucked into addictive cycles. I’m writing to remember that I’m loved no matter what I do. I’m writing to build my commitment and dedication to seek good.
I know there’s purpose in everything. So while I’m here working, I want to make the best of my time. I will be intentional. I will think ahead and make plans for my successful navigation of life’s challenges. I will learn along the way and not be too hard on myself for making mistakes. I can learn from even mistakes and grow from even falling.
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