I got a letter from a lady the other day that shared with me some words her estranged husband had said to her when she approached him about his porn use and the possibility of him having an addiction. I felt strongly about these words (I wouldn’t need it if you were nicer to me) and it caused me to write him a letter. I share it with you below.
Hey Man,
It’s me JR. I know what you’re going through. I have felt completely alone and even tried to convince myself at times that I don’t even need anyone, but came to realize that both were lies. I had to take a real hard look at what was real in my life and what was fake. The hardest, but most powerful thing I had to realize was that I had infinite worth that wasn’t tied to what I did. I could do all the good in the world, but I was still just as valuable to God. Converesly, I could also fill my life with poor decisions about my health, my relationships, etc and he would still love me just as much.
This was the biggest breakthrough I have even known! It actually allowed me to drop all the baggage I was carrying along, trying to look good to others and myself. When I did that it became clear to me that I had piled lies upon lies to protect myself. I had done so thinking that I needed to, or else I would be worthless. Well, I’m not worthless and neither are you. Take a walk sometime soon and think about where you are in life, what you had hoped for yourself, those dreams that perhaps you never shared with anyone for fear of looking foolish.
Look deep inside and try to locate where you are in relation to those deep desires and dreams. Then, don’t clobber yourself over the head when you realize that you may have turned your back on them. We all get stuck at times. You are still worth much, much more that you can ever realize.
And when you get honest and start clearing the baggage away that you don’t have to hold onto anymore, you will start to see life as a bright, vibrant, loving thing to engage in. But until then, you will be like I was for over 2 decades, trying to fill an internal hole in my heart with external things, trying to validate myself, find peace and be happy…but never finding it.
You are infinitely loved by an infinitely capable God. There’s a better way and the very best part, He takes us wherever we are at, in whatever state and breathes life into us. But we have to let him. All it takes is to get honest with ourselves and others and not fear the results. Get honest my friend. While you may have to face some painful things, there’s nothing more painful than the place you are in now. It’s a slow death, and chances are, you probably don’t even realize it.
Check out an interview I did with Wendy Maltz, a sex therapist for 35 years. She explains just what porn can do to us.
Love ya man, you’re in my prayers, because I know the emptiness you feel. You can do it!
Sincerely,
JR
