Freedom From Porn Addiction

One Substance! – American Discovery

Joseph — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 15:23:00 +0000

Our planet is rich with tradition, wisdom, and mythical stories, and it is sad that we pair-off, divide up, and waste so much energy trying to prove ourselves as right and others as wrong. The universe is made of ONE substance. Einstein led the way in dealing a death blow to duality. There is not matter and energy- just energy.

Why is it that Christians in particular can’t embrace their beliefs as well as sharing the jewels of ancient cultures, Eastern religions, and native American Discovery wisdom?

Almost all religions seek enlightenment and speak of the “light within”. Christianity in particular directly sasy that God is light, Jesus is light, and that we are children of light. We buy that because it comes from our own Bible; however, when someone like the mystic White Eagle offers a similar principle we shy away. Yet, who can argue with this quote from White Eagle, “You are a bearer of the Light, bearing within you the Light of the Son. Take this light out into the world to bless and to heal, and quicken the vibrations of the whole earth”.

I am one with the Inca, Hopi, Muslim, Jew, Hindu, Buddha, and then atheist!

God created humanity, homo sapien sapiens, and all of creation IN HIS IMAGE! God is ENERGY, and as Alberet Einsten said, “Matter is Energy. Energy is Light. We are all Light Beings.” So why is it that we can’t accept those of another religion- those with somewhat different beliefs than we. Wasn’t it the desire of Jesus that we would be ONE (which doesn’t mean that we all think alike)? And didn’t Jesus say that he had “other sheep”?

So, let’s just enjoy everyone and BE the LOVE that we ARE!

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I Know I Should Stop Looking at Porn, But Don’t Want To. What Can I Do?

Joseph — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 22:21:33 +0000

What’s it gonna take to get you to want to stop? In this episode of Honest Answers Podcast Jeff Fisher talks about the switch that has to go off, deep inside, before change takes place. Don’t wait until you get caught to change. If you yet lack the conviction to stop, take a minute to listen to Jeff’s answer below about what to do when you know you should stop, but don’t want to.

I Liked it! Now what?

Learn more about Jeff Fisher and hear his answers to other questions.
Join Destination Freedom for free to hear the entire hour-long interview with Jeff. (sign up at the right)
Subscribe to the Honest Answers Podcast to get all the answers
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How Do I Tell My Spouse about My Struggles with Porn?

Joseph — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 20:20:50 +0000

Jeff Fisher took his fantasy, lust & pornography habit into his marriage, thinking that in some way marriage would help to resolve those things he had yet to fully address in himself. Well, Jeff found as many do that marriage alone doesn’t solve the addiction & dependency. Speaking of the erosion of intimacy that takes place when we hide stuff from our spouses, Jeff insists that openness with your spouse is the very foundation of your marriage. Listen to Jeff’s advice about how to share with your spouse that you struggle with pornography.

I Liked it! Now what?

Learn more about Jeff Fisher and hear his answers to other questions.
Join Destination Freedom for free to hear the entire hour-long interview with Jeff. (sign up at the right)
Subscribe to the Honest Answers Podcast to get all the answers
“Recommend” the question on Facebook, share it with a friend, email it or link to it.

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Jeff Fisher of PorntoPurity.com Jeff Fisher was an average American child. He grew up...
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You Are A Living House – Let God Do His Work

Joseph — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 22:16:33 +0000

The strangely deep thoughts of CS Lewis have always shaken me out of my stale perceptions of life & of Christ ever since I came upon his writings some years ago. Recently I was honored with a chance to interview Jon Snyder with MightyManManual.com for the Honest Answers Podcast and ever since have been eager to read his manual which details his beautiful experience in coming to know God and the deliverance that Christ gives to those who truly surrender all to him.

In chapter 4 of Mighty Man Manual Jon brings up some delightfully”Lewisesque” insights about God and his interaction with his children, us. He says,

“You are God’s workmanship. He is the potter. We are the clay. Hands off the pottery! The sooner you settle that you can take credit for nothing and give God ALL the glory for your victory, the quicker God can work.”

This passage brought to mind an analogy Lewis uses to describe the work that God does within the hearts and lives of those who surrender to him.

“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of — throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.” (Mere Christianity, 1952)

I’m quickly coming to believe the truth in these statements. In my website intro video (YouTube: Stop Porn Addiction) I shared how I have felt like there are a million different answers, but that without something to guide me through it all I would continue to try and fail, get frustrated and eventually give up.

God has a plan for us, but if we insist on setting him straight with our own limited picture of how things we miss out on the grand plans he has in store for us.

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Can I Overcome an Addiction to Pornography Alone?

Joseph — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 07:29:31 +0000

To those who ask this question, Jeff Fisher would counter with, “How’s that working out for ya so far?” The goal is not you stopping a behavior, but rather being everything you can be. What IS your goal? Do you want REAL deliverance? REAL victory? Then you must do more that the bear minimum. Listen to what Jeff’s answer here:

I Liked it! Now what?

Learn more about Jeff Fisher and hear his answers to other questions.
Join Destination Freedom for free to hear the entire hour-long interview with Jeff. (sign up at the right)
Subscribe to the Honest Answers Podcast to get all the answers
“Recommend” the question on Facebook, share it with a friend, email it or link to it.

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Honest Answers Podcast – The Journey Begins

Joseph — Sat, 07 Aug 2010 02:45:51 +0000

So it came to when I asked a simple question, what should I be doing? I’ve never done it before so creating a podcast where I interview a host of people who have struggled, counseled with those who struggle or have studied the issue of pornography addiction seemed a bit out my league. But, forward I march and the momentum’s already begun to pick up!

The thought came to me last week and so far I’ve invited 53 people to join me to share their experience, thoughts and knowledge with you. 21 have responded favorably and plan to join us in answering some honest questions about pornography. 2 declined respectfully for personal reasons and I appreciate their sincere words of support. The rest I have yet to hear from.

On Monday I hold the first interview and most likely will have that first podcast edited & ready to go sometime later in the week. Leading up to the interviews I have asked each of our guests to select 3 questions about pornography that they feel particularly qualified to answer. We will get to know their experience a little, dive into the questions and then let them share with us what they feel is the most important information they could leave with anyone struggling through addiction.

Some of those who have already agreed to share their wisdom with us include:

Recovered sex addict & author of Porn Nation: Conquering America’s #1 Addiction, Michael Leahy
Researcher & author of Wired for Intimacy: How Pornography Hijacks the Male Brain, Dr. William M. Struthers
Porn To Purity podcaster & recovering addict Jeff Fisher
Author & lecturer Brad Wilcox who has lectured on Pornography, Satan’s Counterfeit
Many more!

Get Involved!

If you would like to be more involved (send in questions for the guests) just put your email in the form at the right I’ll keep you posted on who I’m interviewing and give you opportunities to send in questions for the guests to answer. With the sign-up you’ll also receive my Destination Freedom map & one of my hope reports entitled Who You Really Are. I’ll also keep you posted on new resources I review.

Potential Guests

If you have somebody you think would be a good guest, please contact me with their name & email address and I will get in touch with them.

Thank You!

Thank you for your prayers and for walking the road with me. We CAN rise above the pulls of the flesh and be free!

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Pornography: Satan’s Counterfeit – Brad Wilcox

Joseph — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 17:58:21 +0000

Addressing a crowd at Brigham Young University’s Cyber Secrets conference Dr. Brad Wilcox teaches how pornography is a counterfeit of real intimacy. The real thing strengthens and builds relationships while the counterfeit degrades and destroys.

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101 Questions About Pornography – What’s YOUR Question?

Joseph — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 21:01:24 +0000

So, I get anxious each day wondering what I should be doing. It’s only when I sit down and really meditate & pray on where my energies would be best spent that I access truly meaningful direction. Maybe it’s just me, but I think it’s good every once in a while to head to the mountains and think about where I’m going in life. So, in one of my latest flashes of inspiration I’ve decided to spend some time answering questions that you have about pornography, addiction and the like.

My intention is to take all the questions I gather up and go to the experts: those who have overcome addictions as well as those working with others to overcome their addiction to pornography. Some answers may come as blog posts, others as podcasts (audio interviews) and some as videos.

I’ve kick-started the list of questions to have answered. These are questions I’ve either asked myself or have heard people ask. I encourage you to ask your questions in the comment section below or to otherwise contact me with your most pressing questions about pornography and addiction. I look forward to answering your questions!!

Then make sure you’ve signed up for the Destination Freedom list with the form at the right to be notified of coming podcast guests and as each answer is made available. NEW! Honest Answers Podcast.

Understanding Pornography & Pornographers

1. What exactly is pornography?
2. Porn is just porn when there’s nudity & sex, right?
3. About what age to people typically 1st see porn?
4. Do pornographers really want me addicted or just to go about legitimately selling their product?
5. Where does my money go if I buy porn?
6. If I just look at free porn I’m not supporting the industry, right?
7. What’s the effect of porn on those creating it? What goes on behind the scenes in the creation of pornography?

Something May Be Wrong: Am I Addicted? (Sincere Questions)

8. If I look at porn, can I become addicted? Is pornography really an addiction?
9. How do I know if I’m addicted to pornography?
10. I’ve heard “once and addict, always an addict.” Is this true with porn addiction?
11. I struggle to not look at porn, do I have an addiction?
12. Everyone says watching porn is okay…why do I feel so bad?
13. Why is porn everywhere nowadays?
14. Do I need to see a doctor about my porn addiction?
15. Where can I read more about porn addiction?
16. Are there any lasting effects of watching porn?
17. Is porn addiction genetic?
18. What’ the typical profile of someone who’s addicted to porn?

In Need of Hope

19. I started w/ porn, but now am involved sexually. Is it too late for me?
20. I’ve tried to stop watching porn before. Can I really do it this time?
21. I’ve tried everything! How can I once and for all overcome pornography addiction?
22. Can people really break porn addictions or are they just wired that way?

Understanding Addiction

23. What role does fear play in a porn addiction?
24. What’s the role of fantasy in a porn addiction?
25. What’s the role of shame in perpetuating a porn addiction?
26. What role does secrecy play in a pornography addiction?

Porn & the Brain (Porn as a Drug)

27. Why do I always “zone out” when I start thinking of porn? It’s like I can’t do anything else until I look at porn.
28. I’ve heard pornography is like a drug. How?
29. How can porn be addictive if you don’t ingest it?
30. If I see porn once will I always have those images in my head?
31. I’ve seen some pretty bad porn. Will it ever leave my mind?
32. How long does it take to forget the porn I’ve seen?
33. What happens in my brain when I look at porn?

How does an understanding of the brain influence how we think about pornography?
What are the brain differences between men and women and pornography addiction?

Porn & Relationships

34. Can I watch porn and still have a healthy attitude towards women?
35. Can I overcome an addiction to pornography alone?
36. Can porn change the way I think about women?
37. How can my relationships with others help me in overcoming a porn addiction?
38. I already stopped watching porn. Do I still need to tell somebody about it?
39. How does pornography use affect my relationships?

Porn, Marriage & the Family

40. Can porn really destroy my marriage?
41. How do I tell my spouse about my struggles with porn?
42. My wife said she’d divorce me if she ever caught me looking at porn. I looked. What do I do?!
43. Won’t my addiction to pornography go away when I get married?
44. I’ve got porn, so why get married?
45. Why is porn more exciting than sex with my spouse?
46. What’s the difference between porn & sex within marriage?
47. Can I use porn to spice up my marriage?

Opening Up: Breaking the Silence

48. I feel like I’ll be rejected if I tell others about my porn problem.
49. How can I talk to my parents about my porn problem?
50. How can I overcome my embarrassment to tell someone about my struggle with porn?
51. I’m a public official, sharing my problem will harm many people, should I still come clean?
52. Why is it important to be accountable (i.e. report) to someone else for my porn problem?

Breaking Addiction

53. What can a 12 Step program do to help me break my porn addiction?
54. How can I stop watching porn?
55. What can my life be like without pornography?
56. What’s the role of gratitude in breaking a porn addiction?
57. What’s the role of service in overcoming a porn addiction?
58. Are there any meds I can take to stop my porn addiction?
59. What activities work best to replace my need for porn?
60. Why do I keep going back to porno even though I hate it?
61. What’s the most important thing I can do to break my porn addiction?
62. Are there affirmations I can use to change my attitudes and beliefs about porn and people?
63. Can I use hypnosis to stop my porn addiction?
64. Are there warning signs that someone is addicted to porn?

Addiction Prevention & Maintenance

65. What can I do on a daily basis to prevent porn addiction?
66. How do I identify the triggers that pull me back into my porn addiction?
67. I feel like I have no choice. Why can’t I stop looking at porn?
68. I know I should stop looking at porn, but don’t want to. What can I do?

The Pull

69. The urges to view porn are so overwhelming. How do I prepare to face the urges to view porn?
70. It feels like I’ll die if I don’t get porn. Why are these urges so strong?

Relapse

71. I just totally indulged in porn. What now?
72. If I’ve already relapsed why not just do it some more?
73. Is there a healthy way to deal with relapse?

Spiritual Questions

74. Will I go to Hell if I look at porn?
75. I’m a Christian, why am I still tempted to look at porn?
76. How can I involve God in my recovery from porn addiction?

Setting Healthy Boundaries

77. What do I do if I can access porn at work?
78. I have co-workers/friends that give me porn. What should I do?
79. I’m on the computer all day, what can I do to help prevent using porn?

What’s the Big Deal? Common Rationalizations

80. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with porn. Why should I stop?
81. Isn’t porn a good place to learn about sex?
82. How can I protect myself against the effects of porn?
83. What’s so bad about porn?
84. Is porn really that big of a problem?
85. Is the industry really out to get me? Seems like a scare tactic.
86. Isn’t it true that all guys look at porn?
87. Some say you can’t be addicted to porn because it’s not a substance. Is that true?
88. I only look at porn a little, what’s the big deal?
89. It’s my choice to look at porn if I want to, why don’t people get off my back?
90. Will looking at porn make me go blind?
91. My favorite magazine says that porn’s okay? Are they right? If not, why do they say it?
92. Will boundaries, like a filter, really help me with my porn addiction? I can just get around it.
93. What’s wrong with just looking once at porn to see what it’s like?
94. If porn feels so good, how can it be so bad?
95. I feel so low. Porn makes me feel normal. Why stop?
96. Is there ever a time when porn use is okay?

Taking a Stand: Community Advocacy

97. Aren’t there laws against pornography?
98. What can I do to keep porn out of my community?
99. What can I do to keep porn out of my home?
100. Is it important to talk openly about porn @ home even if there’s no problem?
101. How do I know if someone I love is struggling with porn?

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Porn Addiction & A 17 Year Old Looking For Answers

Joseph — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 19:15:08 +0000

So, I was browsing around Yahoo Answers today and found a 17 year old Christian kid who was struggling to find answers to his struggle with pornography and masturbation. You can see his situation and my answer to him over there, but as I started to read the other answers that he was getting I was sad to see all the falsehoods and lies he was getting thrown at him. I started to understand why so many are being led away from powerful, positive solutions. The responses nearly all echoed the same sediment, “there’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing.” And giving some reason why it was completely justifiable. I am finding that those answers mimic what’s being pushed in the popular media and fear that they are completely reckless. I didn’t have enough space to address them on Answers, so I wanted to address them here.

“is better for you to masturbate then to have sex with random women”

- True, but don’t let that be a permission to masturbate. They are not mutually exclusive. You don’t need to do one in order to keep from doing the other.

“…real women want to be respected. as long as you remember that, then porn is not damaging for you.”

- Pornography molds and shapes our perceptions of women with the help of one of the most powerful conditioning systems we have built into our bodies. When we see women in pornography being treated as objects, as things to get sexual pleasure from and then we masturbate and ejaculate to that image, it become part of us, we begin to crave those things because we’ve told our brains, this image, what they’re doing on the screen is what arouses me…so, in pure obedience, your brain starts to get you excited when you see similar scenes to those you pleased yourself with. Scientists have actually conditioned people with pornography to get aroused when they see common objects. THAT’S the problem with porn, it breeds unhealthy connections in our brain. And that’s one reason why sex within marriage serves to cement the relationship, we become “bonded” to our spouse and we’re more likely to do things to protect them, share love with them and to grow with them. Beautiful setup actually.

“It’s normal to view porn when ur online but it’s just like watching something you enjoy”

- It is in the sense that you’re releasing pleasure chemicals in the brain, but releasing them through sports and a fun date is MUCH different than releasing them in conjunction with images & masturbation as I explained above.

“I highly doubt that God minds it if you watch porn. I’m sure he has better things to be worrying about.”

- God has NOTHING more important to worry about than YOU and your happiness. In fact, that’s ALL he does. Everything he’s done if the that very purpose. He’s provided a Savior. He created this world. He gave you a body so you can learn how to work with it and eventually become like him.

“But seriously, watching porn isn’t any worse than fantasizing.”

- He’s right, and neither lead to a clear conscience nor meaningful uplifting thoughts about and actions towards your sisters in Christ. If you have a sister, think, “what would I think if some dude were thinking of her the way I’m thinking of this girl.” Fantasy has been shown to be a big part of addiction and can even conjure up the same chemicals in the brain that occur during porn use. He who masters his thoughts triumphs in the greatest of all battles.

“You aren’t hurting anyone,”

- Ha! The biggest lie. You’re hurting yourself first and foremost because you’re sapping yourself slowly of future and present ability to relate on a level beyond sex. One reason “guys always think of sex” is that they feed those thoughts and think this very thought, I’m not hurting anyone. Just because people don’t see the sin, doesn’t mean that they don’t react to the subtle changes in who you’re becoming. Because porn tends to draw people inward you also are stealing from each person that could have been lifted up by your special and unique talents. Now this doesn’t mean that if you looked at porn once you can never bless another’s life. It’s not that cut & dry, but in little ways over time you can come to turn away from people.

“You aren’t even having sex.”

- Righteousness by comparison never was a logical way to live. I didn’t kill the man…so beating him senseless is alright?! Poor reasoning!

“It’s normal and healthy to get to know yourself sexually by masturbating.”

A wise man once said something the effect of we come to know ourselves only as we come to know God. Because he is the source of all truth we can access all the information we need to really know ourselves. “Knowing” yourself in the above way is a false idea. By masturbating we falsely come to see ourselves as sexual being 1^st, rather than spiritual beings. The consequence is so often the very ideas expressed throughout these answers and porn itself, that my pleasure matters above all other things. Putting God first we can see the proper place for sexuality in our lives and it can be much more beautiful than any mere physical sensation of orgasm.

“You should be damn great full young man that that’s’ all you have to worry about in this life?”

- Again, God individually attends to our needs. He’s God, he can do that. Truly there are great problems in the world, but the suffering of another or even a group doesn’t negate the severity of your suffering. Now it may be that thinking of this may help you to say, man, I don’t have time to look at porn, I gotta help save the world. In which case, cool. But don’t ever think that God has better things to attend to. He can walk and chew gum, I PROMISE!

“christians are not even suppose to talk about it”

- Not true! Talk about sexuality with people who respect and revere it. Gain your own respect for it. When you feel awkward about something, pushing it down only leads to it problems. Don’t “locker-room” talk it, but spend some time learning how important and sacred it is, that’ll help a lot.

“there is no solution [it] is part of life.”

There IS a solution! You CAN life with greater peace! Confession does help, but it’s through the atonement of Jesus Christ that you can learn to become stronger so that when temptations come you do as Christ did, give them no heed.

If you have ever thought any of the above thoughts, learn the truth about addition and how to win the fight with pornography addiction. Sign up for our Destination Freedom Map and check out the Candeo Recovery Program. You can listen to their free podcasts (very helpful) and also get a trial period for their powerful brain reprograming training & coaching. Some Christian guys started it, so you get the best of both worlds!

I ended my answer to him the same way I will leave you: You can do it! You’re an amazing person. I know that because God created no junk…you’re his son. Ask him to help you remember that always.

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A Pornographer’s Redemption – Jeff Myers

Joseph — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 18:17:56 +0000

As one of the largest producers of online pornography in the country Jeff turned to God and through a merciful cleansing of the years of filth that covered his mind, heart & soul he found redemption from his self-destructive behaviors. Hope IS real for all those who struggle with addiction. Don’t wait until you land yourself in prison to find God’s love!

Thank you to Courage Philippines for sharing Jeff’s powerful story with me.

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