So, yesterday I reported that I talked to my girlfriend about my all-night indulgence. I found it very rewarding to take her to lunch and ask her how she was feeling about it all. She expressed frustration that we have something so amazing and real and that I still have a need to turn to something so void of real connecting and empty of love.
That said, she was also very encouraging and complemented me on my progress. We’ve both seen people that have chose to give up when the battle gets hard. They listen to the negative self-talk and believe that they aren’t worth while, that they can’t do it, that there is no God, that they’re just made that way or that there’s nothing even wrong with the course they’re choosing.
I have come to see that there are laws of human nature just as there are laws of physics, math or biology. When those laws are followed, we obtain freedom. When we ignore them, fight against them or don’t see them we still must suffer the consequences that come not living in harmony with those laws.
It was a very good day yesterday because I stood up after I fell, brought it to light and evaluated the situation so I’m more aware for next time.
Mark Kastleman, a co-founder of the porn recovery program I’m going through did a podcast in May all about failure. He was reviewing research out of Stanford University. He said there are two types of mindsets one can have towards falling down: A growth mindset or a fixed mindset.
With a growth mindset our brain enters a state of focus, learning and growth when we make a mistake because we become alert to the problems as we seek to find out new ways to approach the situation and affect change. When our mind is “fixed” we see mistakes as failures and don’t try to change. Mistakes are only failures when we stay down.
As was aptly stated by Mr. Wayne, the father of classic superhero Batman, “Why do we fall Bruce? So we can learn to pick ourselves back up.”
Note: Mark’s podcast was part of an ongoing subscription to the Candeo addiction recovery program. Other great topics discussed in these podcasts are: ADHD and Addiction, Healthy Sexual Relations in Marriage, Dealing with Erotic Dreams, The Amazing Power of Journaling & How Porn Radically Alters the Brain.
