My intention is to take all the questions I gather up and go to the experts: those who have overcome addictions as well as those working with others to overcome their addiction to pornography. Some answers may come as blog posts, others as podcasts (audio interviews) and some as videos.

I’ve kick-started the list of questions to have answered. These are questions I’ve either asked myself or have heard people ask. I encourage you to ask your questions in the comment section below or to otherwise contact me with your most pressing questions about pornography and addiction. Then make sure you’ve signed up with the form at the right to be notified as each answer comes out. I look forward to answering your questions!!

Understanding Pornography & Pornographers

1. What exactly is pornography?
2. Porn is just porn when there’s nudity & sex, right?
3. About what age to people typically 1st see porn?
4. Do pornographers really want me addicted or just to go about legitimately selling their product?
5. Where does my money go if I buy porn?
6. If I just look at free porn I’m not supporting the industry, right?
7. What’s the effect of porn on those creating it? What goes on behind the scenes in the creation of pornography?

Something May Be Wrong: Am I Addicted? (Sincere Questions)

8. If I look at porn, can I become addicted?
9. How do I know if I’m addicted to pornography?
10. I’ve heard “once and addict, always an addict.” Is this true with porn addiction?
11. I struggle to not look at porn, do I have an addiction?
12. Everyone says watching porn is okay…why do I feel so bad?
13. Why is porn everywhere nowadays?
14. Do I need to see a doctor about my porn addiction?
15. Where can I read more about porn addiction?
16. Are there any lasting effects of watching porn?
17. Is porn addiction genetic?
18. What’ the typical profile of someone who’s addicted to porn?

In Need of Hope

19. I started w/ porn, but now am involved sexually. Is it too late for me?
20. I’ve tried to stop watching porn before. Can I really do it this time?
21. I’ve tried everything! How can I once and for all overcome pornography addiction?
22. Can people really break porn addictions or are they just wired that way?

Understanding Addiction

23. What role does fear play in a porn addiction?
24. What’s the role of fantasy in a porn addiction?
25. What’s the role of shame in perpetuating a porn addiction?
26. What role does secrecy play in a pornography addiction?

Porn & the Brain (Porn as a Drug)

27. Why do I always “zone out” when I start thinking of porn? It’s like I can’t do anything else until I look at porn.
28. I’ve heard pornography is like a drug. How?
29. How can porn be addictive if you don’t ingest it?
30. If I see porn once will I always have those images in my head?
31. I’ve seen some pretty bad porn. Will it ever leave my mind?
32. How long does it take to forget the porn I’ve seen?
33. What happens in my brain when I look at porn?

Porn & Relationships

34. Can I watch porn and still have a healthy attitude towards women?
35. Can I overcome an addiction to pornography alone?
36. Can porn change the way I think about women?
37. How can my relationships with others help me in overcoming a porn addiction?
38. I already stopped watching porn. Do I still need to tell somebody about it?
39. How does pornography use affect my relationships?

Porn, Marriage & the Family

40. Can porn really destroy my marriage?
41. How do I tell my spouse about my struggles with porn?
42. My wife said she’d divorce me if she ever caught me looking at porn. I looked. What do I do?!
43. Won’t my addiction to pornography go away when I get married?
44. I’ve got porn, so why get married?
45. Why is porn more exciting than sex with my spouse?
46. What’s the difference between porn & sex within marriage?
47. Can I use porn to spice up my marriage?

Opening Up: Breaking the Silence

48. I feel like I’ll be rejected if I tell others about my porn problem.
49. How can I talk to my parents about my porn problem?
50. How can I overcome my embarrassment to tell someone about my struggle with porn?
51. I’m a public official, sharing my problem will harm many people, should I still come clean?
52. Why is it important to be accountable (i.e. report) to someone else for my porn problem?

Breaking Addiction

53. What can a 12 Step program do to help me break my porn addiction?
54. How can I stop watching porn?
55. What can my life be like without pornography?
56. What’s the role of gratitude in breaking a porn addiction?
57. What’s the role of service in overcoming a porn addiction?
58. Are there any meds I can take to stop my porn addiction?
59. What activities work best to replace my need for porn?
60. Why do I keep going back to porno even though I hate it?
61. What’s the most important thing I can do to break my porn addiction?
62. Are there affirmations I can use to change my attitudes and beliefs about porn and people?
63. Can I use hypnosis to stop my porn addiction?
64. Are there warning signs that someone is addicted to porn?

Addiction Prevention & Maintenance

65. What can I do on a daily basis to prevent porn addiction?
66. How do I identify the triggers that pull me back into my porn addiction?
67. I feel like I have no choice. Why can’t I stop looking at porn?
68. I know I should stop looking at porn, but don’t want to. What can I do?

The Pull

69. The urges to view porn are so overwhelming. How do I prepare to face the urges to view porn?
70. It feels like I’ll die if I don’t get porn. Why are these urges so strong?

Relapse

71. I just totally indulged in porn. What now?
72. If I’ve already relapsed why not just do it some more?
73. Is there a healthy way to deal with relapse?

Spiritual Questions

74. Will I go to Hell if I look at porn?
75. I’m a Christian, why am I still tempted to look at porn?
76. How can I involve God in my recovery from porn addiction?

Setting Healthy Boundaries

77. What do I do if I can access porn at work?
78. I have co-workers/friends that give me porn. What should I do?
79. I’m on the computer all day, what can I do to help prevent using porn?

What’s the Big Deal? Common Rationalizations

80. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with porn. Why should I stop?
81. Isn’t porn a good place to learn about sex?
82. How can I protect myself against the effects of porn?
83. What’s so bad about porn?
84. Is porn really that big of a problem?
85. Is the industry really out to get me? Seems like a scare tactic.
86. Isn’t it true that all guys look at porn?
87. Some say you can’t be addicted to porn because it’s not a substance. Is that true?
88. I only look at porn a little, what’s the big deal?
89. It’s my choice to look at porn if I want to, why don’t people get off my back?
90. Will looking at porn make me go blind?
91. My favorite magazine says that porn’s okay? Are they right? If not, why do they say it?
92. Will boundaries, like a filter, really help me with my porn addiction? I can just get around it.
93. What’s wrong with just looking once at porn to see what it’s like?
94. If porn feels so good, how can it be so bad?
95. I feel so low. Porn makes me feel normal. Why stop?
96. Is there ever a time when porn use is okay?

Taking a Stand: Community Advocacy

97. Aren’t there laws against pornography?
98. What can I do to keep porn out of my community?
99. What can I do to keep porn out of my home?
100. Is it important to talk openly about porn @ home even if there’s no problem?
101. How do I know if someone I love is struggling with porn?

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“is better for you to masturbate then to have sex with random women”

- True, but don’t let that be a permission to masturbate. They are not mutually exclusive. You don’t need to do one in order to keep from doing the other.

“…real women want to be respected. as long as you remember that, then porn is not damaging for you.”

- Pornography molds and shapes our perceptions of women with the help of one of the most powerful conditioning systems we have built into our bodies. When we see women in pornography being treated as objects, as things to get sexual pleasure from and then we masturbate and ejaculate to that image, it become part of us, we begin to crave those things because we’ve told our brains, this image, what they’re doing on the screen is what arouses me…so, in pure obedience, your brain starts to get you excited when you see similar scenes to those you pleased yourself with. Scientists have actually conditioned people with pornography to get aroused when they see common objects. THAT’S the problem with porn, it breeds unhealthy connections in our brain. And that’s one reason why sex within marriage serves to cement the relationship, we become “bonded” to our spouse and we’re more likely to do things to protect them, share love with them and to grow with them. Beautiful setup actually.

“It’s normal to view porn when ur online but it’s just like watching something you enjoy”

- It is in the sense that you’re releasing pleasure chemicals in the brain, but releasing them through sports and a fun date is MUCH different than releasing them in conjunction with images & masturbation as I explained above.

“I highly doubt that God minds it if you watch porn. I’m sure he has better things to be worrying about.”

- God has NOTHING more important to worry about than YOU and your happiness. In fact, that’s ALL he does. Everything he’s done if the that very purpose. He’s provided a Savior. He created this world. He gave you a body so you can learn how to work with it and eventually become like him.

“But seriously, watching porn isn’t any worse than fantasizing.”

- He’s right, and neither lead to a clear conscience nor meaningful uplifting thoughts about and actions towards your sisters in Christ. If you have a sister, think, “what would I think if some dude were thinking of her the way I’m thinking of this girl.” Fantasy has been shown to be a big part of addiction and can even conjure up the same chemicals in the brain that occur during porn use. He who masters his thoughts triumphs in the greatest of all battles.

“You aren’t hurting anyone,”

- Ha! The biggest lie. You’re hurting yourself first and foremost because you’re sapping yourself slowly of future and present ability to relate on a level beyond sex. One reason “guys always think of sex” is that they feed those thoughts and think this very thought, I’m not hurting anyone. Just because people don’t see the sin, doesn’t mean that they don’t react to the subtle changes in who you’re becoming.  Because porn tends to draw people inward you also are stealing from each person that could have been lifted up by your special and unique talents. Now this doesn’t mean that if you looked at porn once you can never bless another’s life. It’s not that cut & dry, but in little ways over time you can come to turn away from people.

“You aren’t even having sex.”

- Righteousness by comparison never was a logical way to live. I didn’t kill the man…so beating him senseless is alright?! Poor reasoning!

“It’s normal and healthy to get to know yourself sexually by masturbating.”

A wise man once said something the effect of we come to know ourselves only as we come to know God. Because he is the source of all truth we can access all the information we need to really know ourselves. “Knowing” yourself in the above way is a false idea. By masturbating we falsely come to see ourselves as sexual being 1^st, rather than spiritual beings. The consequence is so often the very ideas expressed throughout these answers and porn itself, that my pleasure matters above all other things. Putting God first we can see the proper place for sexuality in our lives and it can be much more beautiful than any mere physical sensation of orgasm.

“You should be damn great full young man that that’s’ all you have to worry about in this life?”

- Again, God individually attends to our needs. He’s God, he can do that. Truly there are great problems in the world, but the suffering of another or even a group doesn’t negate the severity of your suffering. Now it may be that thinking of this may help you to say, man, I don’t have time to look at porn, I gotta help save the world. In which case, cool. But don’t ever think that God has better things to attend to. He  can walk and chew gum, I PROMISE!

“christians are not even suppose to talk about it”

- Not true! Talk about sexuality with people who respect and revere it. Gain your own respect for it. When you feel awkward about something, pushing it down only leads to it problems. Don’t “locker-room” talk it, but spend some time learning how important and sacred it is, that’ll help a lot.

“there is no solution [it] is part of life.”

There IS a solution! You CAN life with greater peace! Confession does help, but it’s through the atonement of Jesus Christ that you can learn to become stronger so that when temptations come you do as Christ did, give them no heed.

If you have ever thought any of the above thoughts, learn the truth about addition and how to win the fight with pornography addiction. Sign up for our Destination Freedom Map and check out the Candeo Recovery Program. You can listen to their free podcasts (very helpful) and also get a trial period for their powerful brain reprograming training & coaching. Some Christian guys started it, so you get the best of both worlds!

I ended my answer to him the same way I will leave you: You can do it! You’re an amazing person. I know that because God created no junk…you’re his son. Ask him to help you remember that always.

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John Piper talks about sexual sin and what’s at the root, a lack of connection with God. It’s a symptom of the disease, not the disease.

Thousands are walking away from their dreams that can impact others in a positive nature because of the effects of their failed attempts at sexuality.

Guilt and a sense of unworthiness bleeds down into a sense of spiritual powerlessness, of carnal security and strip us of our amazing dreams and we settle for middle class happiness.

Theology, with passion for Jesus can conquer biology.

Beautifully said.

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Because in each one of us lays a sacred and strong sex drive, we often fall prey to the reckless philosophy of “do what feels good” or “eat, drink and be merry.” However, these age old body worship practices are just as devastating as they were back then when they were thought up. For you see, all action carries consequences and many without even realizing this fully are now finding they need sex addiction help.

If you or someone you love are in this place of frustration know that you are not alone. There are many who can help and many that have once again gained control of their passions that they lift and serve rather than bleach and burn.

Several things can help you come to a place where you’re prepared to overcome your sex addiction. No one breaks free until they decide to and decision without determination and action is empty. So let’s get you ready to succeed!

First, in the course of your addiction you may have come to believe that you’re stupid, dumb, a loser, a pervert, a lost cause, a sicko or any other number of falsehoods. Remember, you were a son or daughter of God before you were an “addict.” You were put here for a specific purpose and that purpose included amongst other things to overcome all challenges put before you. Remember that God only asks of us what he’s willing to provide. He’ll make a way and this because you are divine and have infinite worth and potential.

Second, you may have also come to believe that you are alone. This reminds me of Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix. If you, as Harry did, start to believe that you’re all alone, it will be much easier for the “Dark Lord” to destroy you. There are three important ways that you’re never alone: 1. You’re not the only ones who know how we feel. 2. You are not the only one affect by your sexual addiction. And 3. You’re not alone in having to climb out of the hole you’re in. We all need others!

Third, you may through countless broken personal promises, have concluded that you’re not able to break free. While addictions break down our capacity to change, it’s not true that we have no choice. You always have a choice! Even if those choices and actions are small at first, as we make consistent effort over time we’ll regain our ability and confidence to act according to our innermost values.

If you’re addicted to sex or sexual behavior, use these tips to prepare you to receive help from professionals. Another powerful way to break the chains of addiction is to learn about addiction in the brain.

Sign up at the right for a free mini-course that teaches you principles that have helped thousands find the sex and porn addiction help they need to triumph over their sex addictions.

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“Sex addict” is a term used to describe those who have come to find they cannot resist or live without sex. Because there is often a void they are seeking to fill, a loving relationship, the term “love addict” also is used at times. While I disagree with calling people addicts, I do know first had the power of addiction.

When a person becomes trapped by their sexuality, a prison like no other is formed. When someone is addicted to heroin they can go somewhere where there is none and detox. Sexual addictions can be one of the hardest to break because we carry with us at all times the “drug of choice.” All one needs is a moment to fantasize and the chemicals are released into the brain. And when others are involved with the “addict” it becomes a trap that deadens and destroys relationships.

“Bridle your passions that you may be filled with love,” is a wise statement on so many levels. Imagine your passion and drive for sex to be a horse. Which scenario delivers the freedom you desire – A bucking bronco with the rope tied at his groin or the tamed and broken stallion with the rope attached to a harness, giving you direction and control of his movements?

Are you or someone you know addicted to sex? You’re not alone. Wherever you find people you’ll find others trying to exploit those base desires. But you always have a choice and can overcome if you you’ve found yourself addicted to sex or love. There IS hope! Many others have found themselves addicted and have also found their way out. You can too!

Sign up to the right for a free mini-course to learn more about how the brain experiences addiction and what how you can use it for breaking your pornography addiction.

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None who get involved in porn in any way fail to come out a victim. It is a disease that is paraded around so casually in much of the media. It is a core tenant of many marketers that “sex sells.” So with all that standing against us how can one overcoming a porn addiction stand a chance? Is there any way out?

Let me reassure you that there is hope! Thousands just like you have struggled to gain freedom and have triumphed. You are not alone and trusting others with your secret is perhaps one of the greatest steps you will make in your journey to overcome the snares of pornography.

To begin, let me borrow a few tenants from the time tested 12-step program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Six of the twelve steps involve turning over to God the addiction that has become unmanageable. What does this mean? Well, practically speaking it involves:

1) Admitting that nothing’s impossible with God.
2) Making a decision to turn your life over to God.
3) Admitting to him the exact nature of the wrongs you’ve been involved in.
4) Become entirely ready to have Him remove all of your defects of character.
5) Asking him to do so,
6) Improve your relationship with Him through prayer and meditation, seeking His will alone and power to carry it out.

The rest of the steps, in truth the above steps as well, all deal with the relationship we have with ourselves and others. These three relationships are so interconnected that when we affect change in one, we affect change in all.

We are never alone in our lives, least of all when we struggle with powerful urges that seem to have no other resolution that acting upon them. The way our brains work, the more we do something, the easier it becomes. Our brains seek to make like easy for us; however, when pornography gets involved an additional layer of strength is added that can very easily form an addiction because of the chemicals released during viewing.

You can and will overcome your porn addiction if you want to. Remember, you always have a choice. Make the best of it by learning today more about how you can harness the great ability already inside of you for breaking a porn addiction. Fill out the form to the right for a free mini-course.

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Sexuality is at the very core of our identity. It’s part of our very nature and like other addictions, addiction to sex or other sexual behavior can cause immense suffering, frustration and even very real danger.

While addictions to sex and sexual behavior exists it’s often very helpful for the one struggling to not classify themselves as “addicts,” but rather as capable and competent people who have become addicted. You will always he a being of light and great worth. You won’t always have an addiction, so learn now not to label yourself as an addict. It’s a struggle, not who you are. You can change. There is hope. Grab hold of it!

Now because there are all kinds of sexual behavior that one can engage in and subsequently find oneself trapped, it is not my intention to get into each one, but rather to touch on some of the beliefs that are common to them all.

Beliefs are our perception, views, attitudes and they color the way we see the world. Along the way those with a sexual addiction have come to adapt false and harmful beliefs. A good recovery program will help one sort out these and allow for adoption of healthy ones. Here are a few of the beliefs that can hinder healing:

1. “I’m all alone.” No, you’re not. There are people who understand what you’re going through and people that are eager to help.

2. “I’m not addicted.” Whether this is true or not ask yourself the questions, “am I happy? Am I getting the most out my life?” You may see your behavior in a very new light when evaluated in the context of your life goals.

3. “I‘m not hurting anyone.” As humans we need others. If you’re behavior is solitary you are building a wall between you and a real connection with other others. If your behavior is with others then you are jeopardizing your potential for a full and powerful relationship that one who builds unevenly upon sexual relations cannot ever achieve.

If you have thought any of these things please take a moment to fill your name and email in the form to the right for a free mini-course on understanding your sexual addiction and how to escape the misconception of being a sexual addict.

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Another addictive quality of internet porn is that it’s relatively instant. Within seconds one can access any kind of porn imaginable filling the mind with all sorts of misinformation about relationships.

Thirdly, on need not spend any money to see thousands upon thousands of images and engage in hours of stimulation cementing addiction further each moment. Addiction these days is very affordable.

Lastly, one could also access porn anywhere in the world as long as they have an internet connection. It’s definitely more easily available than having to drive to the edge of town to get a video or magazine.

With all these aspects of internet pornography that haven’t ever applied to porn, addicts are growing at an increasing rate. There are also more psychologists to be found now that see patients addicted to porn than ever before. Whereas there once was a time when one may never have come in contact with porn there are now many who stumble upon it without ever looking and our of curiosity become trapped into the vicious cycles of addiction.

There is however hope for those seeking to be free from any compulsive behavior associated with internet porn. If you are addicted, know that you’re not alone and that many have curbed their addictions. Don’t feel ashamed. Addiction is a well understood phenomenon and you can take action necessary to stand up tall as one that connects in healthy ways with others, finds true peace and satisfaction in life and accomplishes great things.

Take action now and learn more about your addiction by filling in your name and email below for a free mini-course on how to break porn addiction.

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Pornography addiction is a drug addiction. Mark Kastleman in his book The Drug of the New Millennium identifies the chemical released during a session of pornography and self-stimulation. These chemicals are the same as the ones present during a loving sexual interaction between husband and wife. The problem is that when these chemicals are released during porn viewing it leads to a powerful bond with the fake relationship instead of a real one with a partner. One comes to give anything for an image instead of their beloved companion.

While addictions are hard to break, it can be done! You can break your porn addiction. Many feel trapped and hopeless, like they are unique in some way that excludes them from the joy to be felt in life when emotional and other challenges are faced head on and dealt with productively rather than turning to at “drug of choice.”

Along with this understanding it’s also important to know that through learning correct principles, through applying them and through doing it on a consistent basis one ca break even the powerful bonds of a porn addiction.

The sex drive that’s been placed in each one of us is a precious gift that can unite a man and wife and allow for natural growth that surpasses any attempt at self-gratification through masturbation and pornography

To break free from the darkness of pornography you’re going to need a little light to illuminate the path. Truth is this way to freedom. Learning the truth of your addiction will brighten your hope and give you the courage needed to succeed. As you act on the truth you find you’ll slowly gain a character that will be able to stand up to the temptations you have to engage in pornography.

Check out the mini-course at the right to check out some powerful information that’s helped thousands who are addicted to masturbation, pornography and other sexual behaviors.

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Belief System

Porn addiction, like many other problems is rooted in the mind. Now that doesn’t mean simply “don’t think about it and it won’t be a problem.” No, what i mean is that the roots of it begin in the brain. Our beliefs are what guide our actions whether we’re conscious of those beliefs or not. Beliefs evaluated can help one uncover the meaning of pornography in their life. Beliefs are important to understand, beliefs of self, of other, of life, of love, of God. Knowing what you believe can put you in a place of knowing what led you to and what is supporting your continued participation in pornography.

Beliefs are a key to understanding your porn addiction; however, for anyone that’s ever indulged in pornography viewing there’s an added element, biological control. The brain is most definitely affected by the beliefs we espouse and the thoughts we have, but another layer is added to the mix when we act on those mental constructs.

Biology of Porn

Viewing pornography however is more than just a regular behavior. Chemicals are released in the brain and body that intensify the experience and cement it deeper into our very being than other actions may. This experience gains ever a deeper hold when it is accompanied by masturbation. The greater ever when orgasm is achieved in this process.

These two components are essential to evaluate if your addiction to porn is to be cured. A good counselor can help you evaluate the limiting and destructive beliefs that led you to pornography and can help you to develop new and productive ones that help you gain control over biology of the addiction.

Mental Illness

Another thing to consider if you are addicted to pornography is the existence of any other mental illnesses or addictions. Many clinicians are beginning to note for instance that the existence of ADHD, alcohol addiction and other addictions of ten accompany porn addictions.

Make sure your looking at the whole picture and not simply your challenges with pornography. Treating your whole self will be much more affective in curing your addiction to pornography than simply looking at the porn problem in isolation.

Find a counselor in your area that can help you evaluate the true motive of your addiction and in the meantime get started on understanding your beliefs behind your struggles by filling in the form to the right for free info & powerful podcasts to help you stop porn addiction.

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