Recently I came to some important understandings about my life. During the WRAP Week interviews for the Honest Answers Podcast I was introduced to a 21 Day Program of Tony Litster‘s in which he walked me through some activities to help me “clear out the weeds” in the garden of my mind. We evaluated why I do what I do, the beliefs behind the actions, etc. After the weeding, and all along the way actually, he shared this idea of being enough. The idea same idea was shared by other guests throughout the week as well and it slowly started to sink in…until one day I was feeling some urges to act out my addiction, but decided instead to turn to God. It was incredible how he helped me to see what the urge was all about, what was driving the powerful feelings of lust. It’s like he took the blinders away and allowed me to see things as they really were. That time I was simply hungry. The next time I turned to Him my eyes were opened to see that I feared never really being loved.

Each time I’ve turned to him during these moments of temptation, I’ve been filled with a love from heaven that let’s me know I am enough, period. My worth is not based on my weaknesses, character flaws or even poor choices I’ve made. Do those things bring sorrow? Sure they do, but they don’t change the way that my Father Above feels about me. And they don’t need to weigh me down with sorrow or shame, in essence keeping from reaching my full potential. My worth is constant.

So, with this new understanding I looked back on my mission experience & I saw things with new eyes. Because I unknowing attaching my worth to my behaviors I felt great during the time I was doing good, but when I began to slip, I had concluded that my worth too had somehow slipped as well. That contributed to a downward spiral and led me right back into patterns that I had left behind for near a year’s time.

Well, I want to remind myself and you as well that God loves you infinitely. In His eyes you are GREAT! There is NOTHING you can do that will ever change that. Understanding this helped me get past the barriers that I had put up between Him & I. Knowing that He was constant in his ability to love me gave me permission to go to Him when I was slipping and work through the hard feelings so I could again stand on firm ground. You are MORE than the choices that you’ve made. You are God’s kid!

Hey Man,

It’s me JR. I know what you’re going through. I have felt completely alone and even tried to convince myself at times that I don’t even need anyone, but came to realize that both were lies. I had to take a real hard look at what was real in my life and what was fake. The hardest, but most powerful thing I had to realize was that I had infinite worth that wasn’t tied to what I did. I could do all the good in the world, but I was still just as valuable to God. Converesly, I could also fill my life with poor decisions about my health, my relationships, etc and he would still love me just as much.

This was the biggest breakthrough I have even known! It actually allowed me to drop all the baggage I was carrying along, trying to look good to others and myself. When I did that it became clear to me that I had piled lies upon lies to protect myself. I had done so thinking that I needed to, or else I would be worthless. Well, I’m not worthless and neither are you. Take a walk sometime soon and think about where you are in life, what you had hoped for yourself, those dreams that perhaps you never shared with anyone for fear of looking foolish.

Look deep inside and try to locate where you are in relation to those deep desires and dreams. Then, don’t clobber yourself over the head when you realize that you may have turned your back on them. We all get stuck at times. You are still worth much, much more that you can ever realize.

And when you get honest and start clearing the baggage away that you don’t have to hold onto anymore, you will start to see life as a bright, vibrant, loving thing to engage in. But until then, you will be like I was for over 2 decades, trying to fill an internal hole in my heart with external things, trying to validate myself, find peace and be happy…but never finding it.

You are infinitely loved by an infinitely capable God. There’s a better way and the very best part, He takes us wherever we are at, in whatever state and breathes life into us. But we have to let him. All it takes is to get honest with ourselves and others and not fear the results. Get honest my friend. While you may have to face some painful things, there’s nothing more painful than the place you are in now. It’s a slow death, and chances are, you probably don’t even realize it.

Check out an interview I did with Wendy Maltz, a sex therapist for 35 years. She explains just what porn can do to us.

Love ya man, you’re in my prayers, because I know the emptiness you feel. You can do it!

Sincerely,

JR

Thank you to Courage Philippines for sharing Jeff’s powerful story with me.

Were it possible for one chained to compulsivity to addictive behavior to see what they could be free from the addiction they would be much more ready and able to walk forth into the light of freedom. In fact, it IS possible! And, it’s essential.

Many times in the course of trying to change people make the grave mistake of narrowly focusing on the problem rather than the solution. Have you ever tried to drive straight on the freeway while looking in your rear-view mirror or over either shoulder? No, well let me assure you that looking straight ahead is the only direction that will keep you heading towards your destination in the safest fashion.

To establish a vision of what a vision of what life would be like with out your sexual addiction it’s often helpful to start with an honest evaluation of where you are at present. Distasteful through it may be, knowing the truth puts you in a place to know what you need to do to get you to where you want to go.

Next, picture in your mind what you want your life to be like. What’s it look like when you face your urges and are in control rather than letting them control you what’s your relationship with God look like? With yourself? With your family and friends?

This vision is a fluid thing that’s going to evolve over time as you think of new and beautiful ways to live your life. Take some time each day to picture this good and light picture of you. As you imagine it give it life with tastes, touch, smells, color, etc. Make it vivid! You can also use this vision when faced with urges. It will help you keep the big picture. Also pay attention during your daily visioning sessions you’ll be prompted to do certain things. Take note of them and act upon them. Over time you’ll cultivate an inner voice that hears the divine as you grow into the vision you’ve brought into your life.

To learn more about your addicted brain and receive sex addiction help that has helped thousands in clinical settings sign up for the free mini-course to the right.

In their book entitled “Willpower is Not Enough,” A. Dean Byrd & Mark Chamberlain explain that one reason we don’t succeed at change despite our continued efforts is that we think we need to force ourselves to refrain, an act of the mind. They explain beautifully that by accessing the power of the heart, by learning to channel our desires, emotions and needs properly we can avoid the daunting waves that can and will sweep over us before they destroy us.

We must know, if we quietly assess the situation, that we are much more capable than we’ve been giving ourselves credit for. We all have value outside our actions. Even the man with the greatest burden is of great worth to God, for he is His son and has the opportunity to obtain all that God has. Even that mans potential beyond imagination.

Breaking free may have seemed impossible up ‘till now, but with God, nothing is impossible! Success is inevitable to one who puts his trust in the Lord. To Him, you’ve already won. Do you wonder why 12 Step programs have been so successful at helping people out of addictions of all types, alcoholism, over eating, gambling, sex addictions, etc.?

One reason in addiction to the connection that one develops with their God in the course of the program is the place of honesty it can bring one to. When one admits before God that they are powerless with out him, they find that his power is more than sufficient. When they surrender their meager control over their addiction they find that the control He provides is much greater than they ever had.

This release may seem counterintuitive, after all, the river rages and you’re determined to fight it. Just let go and you’ll see that the heavens have already orchestrated your safe arrival on the shore.

One other reason that the 12 step programs are so powerful is that they are founded on the principles of personal responsibility and effort. You have been given power to act. You always have a choice even if your capacity has diminished through giving into porn over and over again.

You always have a choice. That choice may be as small as going to a meeting, starting to feast upon the word of God or to open up to a friend or family member, but remember, you always have a choice. As the successful Bob (What About Bob) once learned, “baby steps” is the way to move forward one step at a time.

Here’s one baby step you can take right now to enhance your letting go process: Fill out the form to the right and get access to a free mini-course packed with powerful principles that have helped thousands break their porn & sex addictions!

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Those suffering from a sex addiction fueled by the fire of porn so often don’t feel like there’s an escape. Thus, they may have come to justify their behavior as acceptable, or at very least, tolerable. But there is beauty missing from an otherwise amazing aspect of their committed relationship to their spouse.

While many emotions and thoughts in the head of the one addicted can keep them bound to a sex addiction, there are some that may help to break the chains and help them breathe beauty and wholeness again into that sacred aspect of the marriage relationship.

First, know and feel your worth as a human. If this is hart to do for you, imagine someone you know who you see as a great person. Put yourself in the picture and see them conferring their greatness upon you as one is knighted. You may also imagine them telling you that you are important and loved. Feel their acceptance into a new “brotherhood” and thank them for this amazing new perspective.

Second, know that there is hope! You’re not the only one who’s struggled with an addiction to porn or sex and you’re not the only one who will overcome this with consistent actions to learn, apply and teach those known skills that lead to personal freedom and happiness.

Third, know that you’ve been sent here to earth to accomplish great things. You may have already felt impressions as to what. This can make an addiction all the more frustrating, but know that there are incredible things in your future. Let the positive energy of these things fill your mind. See yourself affecting others in powerful ways. Letting go of this addiction to porn and/or sex will only be a wonderful step towards that future that’s filled with joy and light. You can know that future even now.

Start your journey by signing up to the right for a free mini course that will teach you a little about how the brain can trap you into an addiction to masturbation, porn, sex and how you can harness its power to get you out.

I’m assuming you’ve found your way here, not to find evidence to prove that masturbation is healthy and good, but rather because you have found it to be a frustrating and fruitless endeavor despite the immediate gratification that can be obtained through self-stimulation.

If this is the case, here are a few thoughts to help you stand above the degradation of selfish self-indulgence of this sort.

1. Know you have an infinite worth and a tremendous value outside of any action. Many come to feel worthless because of their involvement with masturbation. This is not true and only serves to perpetuate an addiction to it.

2. Know you have a choice. While it may feel like you can do nothing about it when that powerful urge rushes over you, that’s not true. You can! Every time you give in it becomes easier, every time you choose instead to channel your energy into a more productive and creative endeavor, that too becomes easier.

3. Know that you’re not alone. Opening up to others helps you realize this. It also opens the doors to healing because the clamp of secrecy no longer presses so hard down upon you.

There is hope if you’re seeking escape from an addiction to masturbation. Don’t give up! In fact, take a step right now to learn more about how the brain can trap you into this behavior by filling out the form to the right. You may also purchase a course that addresses sexual addicts, porn addiction, etc.

I’d like to start by refuting the idea that anyone’s an “addict.” While addictions are very real and do occur, the mind has a powerful capacity to color our world by what we believe about it, about ourselves. If in our assessment of self we accept the idea that we’re an addict we also unfortunately may come to believe a whole slue of other things that just aren’t true like “I can’t do anything about it.” or “I don’t have a choice in the matter,“ “I was born this way,“ “That’s just the way I am.”

While we have been born with a particular genetic makeup and some have even been born with propensities towards certain addictions we all were born with the precious gift of choice. There’s ALWAYS a choice. What is often felt as helplessness can be better classified as behavior patterns which has become easier and stronger through repetition and chemical reinforcement.

Also, before you were an “addict” you were first an amazing child of divine heritage with the capacity and possibility to think, understand, grow and succeed at making choices that bring happiness, peace and fulfillment. Anything that teaches you otherwise is false and will serve to further entrench you addiction. Don’t believe it!

So, while you mat have been born with a gene or two for a tendency towards addiction, the whole of your spiritual DNA is eternal and divine.

Now, with this idea in place and remembered often it’s possible to understand that you are not weak, a moron or a loser, but rather that you have great strengths and that the addiction is actually using them against you.

You can learn to see how. You’re not alone in your addiction. There are many who have done it before and many who are finding freedom right now. To receive a free mini-course designed for the “sexual addict” and pornography addiction recovery please sign up on the right.

Apathy is hard to combat; however, even the skeptic can come to understand a greater picture of what life has in store for those who learn to “bridle their passions.” While pornography use, most often accompanied by masturbation, can become the default solution to many of life’s situations in which we feel boredom, loneliness, stress, anger, tiredness, hunger, fear and other emotions, if there is a sense that there’s a better way within the mind of awareness of the so-called addict then there’s enough to provide a foundation to begin a successful recovery.

Because there’s a tendency within many to not be pushed or forced to do things one addicted to porn often has to recognize this feeling this whispering from within. If they take a moment to consider this they’ll often understand that there IS a way to life that generates greater happiness. When any bitterness or resistance is let go of the process can begin to flourish.

Recovery is a process. It’s learning how to think, how to act and how to feel in order to have a healthy and rewarding lifestyle. Recovery is also going to involve at some point learning how to connect with others in meaningful ways. This doesn’t mean that you need to become a social butterfly, simply that the relationships you do have take on new life and become stranger and powerfully beneficial.

Recovery is most often effective when it’s part of a structured plan that can be engaged in on a daily basis. Consistency is a necessity to changing behavior.

If you’d like to free mini course that shows how to overcome pornography addiction and includes assignments and pod casts sign up to the right. You’ll also have the chance to join a great program that’s helped many on their journey to recovery from pornography addiction.

Principle 1: There is hope! Addiction is understood very well and there are many who in the chains of porn addiction who have grasped onto that hope and have overcome.

Principle 2: You’re not alone! There are people who know how you feel. There are people tht know how to help and eager to do so. Your addiction is a personal problem, but it affects others as well and can be overcome with the help of others.

Principle 3: You have a choice! Addiction tears down resolve and many often come to a point of feeling like they have no choice – like they were born that way, like there’s nothing they can do, or like the efforts they make are worthless. This is absolutely false. You ALWAYS have a choice and that’s one of the most powerful tools to help you break free.

Now, thinking on the above ideas would be worth your while. Take some quiet moments and let them sink in. Ask yourself how you’ve thought and felt about them in the past and how you feel about them now. When you come to a point of hopefulness consider the following 3 actions you could do immediately to help you move towards freedom from your addiction.

Action 1: What’s most important to you? Take some time to consider and write down the things in life that build you, that make you excited, that bring you a sense of complete and utter joy and fulfillment. This will be a very powerful tool in your recovery. Do something to feel the power of these daily and the strength of your addiction will begin to weaken.

Action 2: Open your heart. Find someone you can trust to share fully what you’re struggling with. You may choose to share with a family member, a clergyman or close friend. This will break the power that your additions holds over you through secrecy. You’ll also realize that you can be loved and accepted and that your addiction may be a challenge to conquer, but it doesn’t determine your worth as a human being.

Action 3: Begin an organized plan. This may be a workbook, an addiction recovery program or going to see a counselor that can work with you to adopt healthy views of sexuality and to discover the joys to be had in freedom from pornography addiction.

If you’d like to learn more please fill in your name and email to the right for a free mini-course or learn a little about Sex Addicts Anonymous.