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Addicted to Masturbation

December 26th, 2009

Are you addicted to masturbation? Do you find yourself unable to stop despite continued efforts and countless broken promises and ongoing frustration with your perceived inability to control your behavior? Well here are ten questions to ask yourself to get to the bottom of your masturbation addiction.

1.Why do you masturbate?

2.Why do you wish to stop masturbating? Is it because someone close to you thinks it is disgusting or inappropriate? Is it because it interferes with your goals and plans? Is it because you feel deep inside that you’re not living to your fullest?

3.When did you begin masturbating? Perhaps you were taught while you were young. Perhaps when you were a teenager.

4.How often do you masturbate? The more frequently you masturbate the greater the chance of addiction.

5.When do you masturbate? Is there a time of day, like when you wake up or go to bed, that you choose to do it? Attention to this shines the light of awareness into the darkness of despair.

6.What feelings immediately precede your choice to masturbate? This may be a hard one (no pun intended). Often times the addiction gone unchecked leads the one addicted to form a routine. The routine is entered into often not even realizing that one is going into it. Identifying how you feel just before can help you know when you’re most vulnerable.

7.Do you view pornography while you masturbate? While they don’t always go hard in hand viewing pornography adds volumes of images later available for recall in fantasy. Porn doesn’t help an addiction.

8.Do you masturbate despite sexual relations with a spouse? If so, perhaps examining the state of the relationship would help. How open are you with each other? How much do you connect emotionally? Etc.

9.What are your beliefs about masturbation? That it’s okay? Healthy? Harmful? A sin? A moral weakness?? Your beliefs all largely play a part in your addiction. You’ll want to evaluate your Beliefs and look down deep to determine how correct they are.

10.What would life look like without being addicted to masturbation? Many forget that our thoughts determine our actions & without regularly seeing a pictures of freedom from addiction one cannot expect to ever escape.

If you’d like to receive some pornography addiction help, sign up for the free e-course at the right.

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Pornography Addiction Help

December 25th, 2009

Are you looking for help with a pornography addiction? Good, that shows that you at least realize that it is a problem and undesirable in the long run to your happiness. Before we discuss some helps I wish to underscore the importance of two key elements of successful recovery from any addiction:

First, hope. Know that deliverance is possible. Know that many others have traveled this path before you and have now have happy, loving & productive lives free from the chains of addiction.

Second, diligence. Look till you find what works for you. While there are some commonalities among addicts, there are definitely elements that will be very individual to you and you need to look until you find what works for you. Commit to learn all you can.

Now, as you’re seeking help let me guide you to several important lessons I’ve learned duffing my own struggle with pornography addiction.

1.You always have a choice! While porn & masturbation has dug a rut into my brain making it easier to consider it the solution to many of the challenges I face, I know I can always choose a healthier way that then makes the next choice easier to make.

2.Doing is being. There was a time when I was so frustrated with the control I was giving my addiction that I started to read everything I could about it thinking that if I could just learn that one thing that was keeping me addicted I’d stop automatically. I was looking for “the magic bullet.” There is no bit of learning that can do any good without taking action to test it. Knowing truth requires us to take action.

3.Consistency pays off. Along with my frantic attempts to learn all I could was the tendency to try something for a day or two then to conclude that it didn’t work. I subsequently moved on to the next bit of information that also could not work, not because it wasn’t true, but because I didn’t give it the sunlight and water of daily consistency. Think about these two scenarios. I brush my teeth 7 times each week. Good for me! My teeth will be strong and healthy, right? Well, one other thing, I did it all on Saturday. Does the analysis of my dental health change? Likewise, I am training for a marathon and do four months of running all the week before the race. Because it wasn’t spread out, my body didn’t have time to grow and recover before the race. So you can see, spread out, daily efforts is the only way to have long-term success in most things in life.

Take these thoughts for what their worth and if you’d like some more help from professionals that have helped thousands cure porn addiction just fill in your name in the form at the right for a free e-course and powerful podcasts.

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Dissonance Reduction

September 24th, 2009

I’m not the kind of guy who typically shares my struggles with people, especially when it comes to pornography, masturbation and sexual addiction. If you ask most of my friends they’d tell you I’m an upbeat, positive guy who doesn’t seem to let life get him down. This, I agree is true. However, in the course of any given day “filled with sunshine” I struggle tremendously inside to live what I know to be right. But I am committed to come off conqueror.

In psychology there’s a concept known as dissonance reduction. When reality appears to be different from one’s beliefs or desires it can create internal disharmony or what’s known as cognitive dissonance. A common way that people try to reconcile this uneasy gap between what is and what is wanted is to change one’s beliefs…to bring into harmony one’s desires/beliefs with the perceived reality, being content.

Now at times, contentment can be very helpful and positive, freeing one’s self of flawed self and world views. But, it is worth considering the Serenity Prayer of Alcoholics Anonymous: “God grant me the ability to change what I can, accept that which I cannot and the wisdom to know the difference.” The danger with always reducing dissonance by changing our beliefs should be obvious. Without a set of firm and true guiding principles we are likely to be tossed around every time something is difficult and ultimately never achieve greatness.

Life, by design, is meant to engage us in a grand learning experience. Pain or challenge is a great teacher to those seeking truth. This doesn’t necessarily mean that one intentionally seeks out these masterful educators. There is a second way to achieve a reduction of dissonance when reality seems to be separate from our desires.

Assuming that your beliefs are founded on true principles, i.e. they lead you to do good, to help others, to love and give and grow and have inner peace even when external circumstances are bereft of peace, then changing your behaviors or actions to align with your beliefs is at the very center of the principles of growth and change.

If we are here on earth to learn and grow and find and follow truth, which I believe that we are, then it’s a must to know when to change our beliefs to mirror truth and when to change our behaviors to do the same.

Cognitive Dissonance or internal uneasiness is almost like an indicator we can use to gauge our progress on our journeys through life, a life success barometer. Those feelings bring to our attention a basic need, calling to be filled. It’s then up to us to examine it to decide whether a belief needs to be changed or a behavior that needs to more closely fall in alignment with our beliefs.

Through thoughtful consideration and sincere prayer it would be in our best interest to decide whether we need to “stick to our guns” (our beliefs) and “cowboy up” (change our actions)  or whether we just need to let go of old and untrue beliefs. It’s my firm conviction that we all have a conscience that, if we listen, can tell us what paths will lead to happiness and what ones will lead to sadness and despair. Therefore, any decision to let go of our beliefs shouldn’t happen just because it’s challenging to live according to them.

When we live truth we will inevitably encounter situations where we are tested in our devotion to it. Peer pressure, popularity of an idea of idea or support of an philosophy by a leader shouldn’t be our yardstick for measuring truth. Truth, when pondered in quiet moments with a sincere desire to live what one learns will “ring true” in some way. Often it comes through a calm or peaceful assurance. I will get excited by the prospects when I feel the clean & pure power of truth. Then it’s up to us to decide how we need to change to fit what we have just learned.

I recently heard someone say that which we focus on expands. I have heard this same idea expressed in other ways over the years and it is something that rings true to me as I’ve observed the things on which I focus. Focus is also how the brain learns and grows. It lays down new connections to reinforce existing connections and the more we study or spend time with a topic the more intricate the network of neurons becomes around that topic.

I have felt the power in this concept as I have been practicing what my pornography recovery program calls gratitude breathing. Each morning and night I spend 20 minutes in a quiet, secluded place. I have written down 5 situations that are fearful or anxiety producing to me. I bring them to mind, one by one, imagining myself in the setting. When I begin to feel the temptation or urge arise to indulge in sexual fantasy I immediately begin deep breathing, in for 6 seconds and out for the same. During my first breathe I ask the Lord for help in seeing things clearly.

While I breathe in I think of something for which I am grateful. While I breathe out I let the gratitude fill my entire body. I repeat this 5 times. As I’ve done this, a powerful calm fill me and I’m able to see the situation more clearly. I then face the temptation and re-frame it by stating aloud what I want it to mean to me.

For example: if the temptation is seeing a woman immodestly dressed and feeling the urge to fantasize about seeing her nude or having sex with her, after clearing my mind and filling my heart with gratitude I may say out loud something like, “What a beautiful woman. I wonder what her hopes and dreams are. I am her brother, a protector of virtue. I love my girlfriend and am excited to give my all to her someday. These powerful feelings I’m having  are a gift from God to cement a loving relationship together. I choose to bridle my passions that I may be filled with love and respect for all women.”

This practice has prepared me to face temptations I inevitably have on a daily basis, temptations to align my actions with my feelings and leave behind my values and beliefs. It’s through a sincere study of and praying about the word of the Lord and other good books that I find the truths that can make one happy and it’s through living them that I live after the manner of happiness.

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My Freedom Journey

September 12th, 2009

Journaling is a powerful tool through which I acknowledge divine power at work. It has the power to maintain my momentum, sharpen my focus & keep me motivated. Truth often speaks so softly that we need moments of reflection to capture it before we can incorporate it.

I’ve decided to keep a fairly regular (as close to daily as I can) log of my journey from sexual addiction to freedom. I want it to be clear to myself and to anyone who ever asks, “how did you do it?!” that it was my Savior that reached into my life in small and simple ways to work great and marvelous changes in my life.

After continued evaluation and re-evaluation I’ve come up with 4 areas that really energize & motivate me. When I journal I will be asking myself the following questions as I daily strive for personal freedom from addiction.

My Journey of Freedom’s Focus Questions:

How did I see the Lord’s power to change in my life today while I…

1. …thoughtfully gave of myself to my brothers and sisters?
2. …gratefully remembered his mercy and grace?
3. …was learning about my addiction?
4. …courageously chose the right?

In this journal I hope to shed light on the truths of pornography use, to instill hope in those that are caught in the darkness of addiction, to inspire action and to help facilitate the success that will come to all those who wish it.

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Posted in Facilitating Success, Inspiring Action, Instilling Hope, Shedding Light On

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Giving: The Grand Meaning

August 25th, 2009

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about what’s most important in life and why. It seems to me that knowing this would add meaning & power to my healing & recovery from pornography addiction. Again and again in small and simple, yet profound ways the answer has come to me: People matter most. How I interact with others determines the quality of my life.

There is a great teaching in many religions that can be summarized by the simple words of the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Ghandi said it this way, “be the change you wish to see in the world.” These sayings invite us to look inward and to focus on changing our own behavior. How wise indeed, for no man can change the habits of another unless he inspires action through the power of his own right conduct. We can only change ourselves.

Treating others with kindness because it’s how we’d like to be treated is a great reason to live a life of service. Looking deeper we can find that the reason these teachings exist is because our very understanding of life’s deepest truths can only be fully understood as we give ourselves to the aid of others.

Last week as I got ready for my day I had the strong impression that “we need each other.” The thought came seemingly out of the blue although it was preceeded by a smile and quick memory about my girlfriend. The thought however of us all needing each other sunk in deep during the moments that followed.

I recalled times where I had felt like I wanted escape being around others or that I could understand life without the help of others. I even felt that I could overcome my pornography addiction without the others, just me and God, that’s all I needed. Ironically, I often came to those feelings while reading books…written by, yup, others. I also would feel this superman-like determination after a relapse and because I was embarrassed to tell anyone of what I had done.

The power of connecting emotionally with others allows love flow freely as we give our energies; our time, our thoughts and prayers, our skills and passions, our laughter and our true understanding gained through lives experiences – to those around us. Indeed, it is ONLY through these, often difficult efforts, that any lasting connection can be made. Victor Brown said in his powerful book Human Intimacy: Illusion & Reality, “marriage (and for that matter, all relationships) is not for emotional weaklings.”

It’s so easy to overlook the debt which we owe to our fellow man…for just about EVERYTHING. I love to play the guitar. However, my enjoyment of this hobby would have been severely limited without the efforts of the thousands who came before me; those who studied acoustics, those that build prototypes who failed and tried again, those that diligently observed and documented the relationships between notes, those who sored to great musical heights and inspire greatness and those who took incentive to finance and manufacture the creation of affordable guitars. My enjoyment has been developed over centuries and I am the beneficiary. I owe those people a debt of gratitude.

When we truly see and feel the connection we have to others – that they are part of us, our brothers and sisters – we can open up and fully give of ourselves to them and in so doing know that all we give will be returned to us. In fact, we cannot fully receive that which we do not also give. Kindness is repaid with kindness. The healing of forgiveness is obtained when we afford it to others. We help others and in doing so we only help ourselves. This was beautifully illustrated in The Celestine Prophecy, a novel by James Redfield made motion picture in 2006 (watch through about 4:15)

Perhaps this is why the final step in the Alcoholics Anonymous 12 Step Program is to give back and to share your story with others. We share our experiences to learn of ourselves. We gain freedom and hope as we share freedom and hope with others. Because love is such a powerful key to avoiding the pitfalls of pornography addiction it’s essential to learn to give love and to serve.

Glory to God!

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