Here’s the NPR Story, Religious Groups Tackle An X-Rated Secret

National Porn Sunday Talk from XXXchurch on Vimeo.

I don’t mean to minimize the hurt, the pain and the very real anguish that so many feel because of injustices that have been forced upon them. There are an infinite number of ways in which we can be wronged, but there is one way in which we can be free from the draining and life sapping effects of holding on to those wrongs.

While it may not be easy to forgive others who have wronged us or even ourselves for times we acted against our better judgment, it is always better to do so.

Take for example the story of Corrie Ten Boom who watched family members killed in a concentration camp and was later approached by one of the guards who oversaw those atrocities. She speaks of the rage that pulsed through her veins as she thought about what he had done. It was all she could do to lift her hand to receive the gesture of his. She told God that she would need his help forgiving because of the anger she felt towards this man. I’ve put her story and the story of others in the video playlist on the power of forgiveness below.

Whether you have an addiction to pornography or you love and support someone that does, forgiveness is for you. I hope you enjoy the videos. They made me cry and I feel a deeper sense of the need to forgive others their trespasses against me.

(if you’re viewing this on Facebook or somewhere that doesn’t bring in the video, please see my post Porn Addiction & the Power of Forgiveness).

God bless my friends! Keep on moving forward, taking a step at a time and one day you’ll look back and say, how in the world did I ever get through that monster of a trial? The answer may come simply and beautifully, “one step at a time.”

The Purity Report “40 Day Challenge” from Pure Community Ministries on Vimeo.

It’s a New Year with thoughts of progress and forward motion. I have meant to do this step for some time now. I guess in ways I have already begun, but I’m going to make it thorough and right. When I interviewed John Glisson of The Purity Report and other sites aimed at giving online community resources to those struggling with strong urges to turn to pornography to resolve deep emotional issues, he underscored for me the importance of accountability. I had heard of it before and even made attempts at practicing it. John however delineated between two important components of accountability. The initial part we may cal the First-Step Inventory. In Christian circles it’s often called confession. The power of digging down deep to share with another the true nature of your addiction, where it began, the things that it’s entailed is important. It’s like “like drawing a line in the sand” as John puts it. It also helps to purge yourself of the ugliness that’s been festering inside of you, fanned by the fuel of secrecy (a topic that Jonathan Daugherty brings up very poignantly). The second part of accountability is the ongoing, daily confession. The initial confession like a deep cleaning of the bedroom, the ongoing confession like hanging the clothes up, making the bed, dusting regularly, etc.

So, in the spirit of change and of newness I am starting John’s 40-Day Challenge. It’s simple if you’d like to give it try. Simply Tell Your Story & fill out a Purity Report each day for 40 days. You can read more about involving an accountability partner here.

Also relevant to this discussion:

• John Glisson’s Honest Answers Interview
• Jonathan Daugherty’s Honest Answers Interview
• Sign up for Destination Freedom to access all Honest Answers Podcast full interviews.

WRAP week creates a useful opportunity for clergy to raise the issue of pornography within the Church, and to call all Christians to renewed lives of sexual purity. It is a great time for those who have kept their struggles with porn secret to think about how to share for the first time. It is also a great time to get informed about just how bad the problem is and both protect and prepare yourself against the flood that will almost inevitably get someone you love wet at some point.

During this important week, a groups like The King’s Men, Morality in Media & others call upon all brothers and sisters in Christ to pray and fast in solidarity for those throughout the country who need help recognizing and doing something about pornography in their lives and in their communities. We are all connected through our common divinity & when one suffers we all suffer. Conversely, when one takes a stand, we all gain strength.

If porn has touched your life in any way, I invite you to take some time this week to think about how your experience can help others. You may feel to share your story for the first time with someone you love. Or you may be impressed to make up a flier and share it with those in your neighborhood or fellow church goers. You are unique in all the world and God has a way just as tailored to take your experience and talents and speak through them to help others avoid pornography’s dangers or escape from its grasp. Whatever it is, just follow that quiet voice inside and you will be participant to miracles!

If you have not yet seen the effects of pornography in your life or the lives of those you love, please take a moment to put aside any fears that you may have and take a look at the costs that its having on society. You may wish to look into what to do to help keep it out of your home or what to do when you discover that you or someone you love is being tricked by its enticing pull. Chances are good that you already know someone who is starting down that path, but that secrecy shrouds their deeds.

Whatever your situation, please do SOMETHING this week to bring light to this dark area of our society. At the very least, help us spread the word by sending the WRAP Facebook Event to friends and family.

Take courage. There is ALWAYS hope.

***

How Porn Has Affected Me

To kick off this week I will soon be sharing a bit about how porn has affected my life. Please feel free to post video comments, share your story as well, or send it to others. Please also share any experiences you have this week that can bring hope to others.

May God continue to bless all of your efforts and give you the courage you need to fight what is one of Satan’s greatest weapons in his quest to destroy marriage, the family and the Body of Christ today!!!

***

Helpful Resources To Help Inform, Support & Fight

Learn

• Sign up for Destination Freedom & hear interviews from professionals, authors, scientists and from those who have overcome
• The Social Cost of Pornography: Experts psychiatry, psychology, neurophysiology, philosophy, sociology, law, and political theory examine the real nature of pornography in its moral and social consequences.
• Porn Harms: This site is dedicated to providing the most accurate peer-reviewed research on the harm from pornography, along with relevant news and opinion.
• Press Release from Media Matters: Obscenity is not protected by Free Speech Amendment
• Shelley Lubben

Support

• Invite others to the WRAP Facebook Event this week & next
• Change your Facebook pictures to sport the official white ribbons:  www.wrapfamily.com

Act

• Pray & consider some way to share with others the importance of this work
• “What’s that Purple Building, Daddy?” documentary of how ordinary citizens protected their community from the selling of pleasure.

May the Lord bless you all in your recoveries until I return. Please, if you have not yet done so already, please sign up for Destination Freedom and listen to the 4 interviews I have done with great men, three of which have come through struggles with pornography. Signing up gives you access to the entire interview. I will also be interviewing several while I am away. I will get those edited and up once I return.

I will be checking my email briefly for any in need once a week on Mondays.

God bless!

JR

1. Exercise your body: giving blood to your brain is a good thing. Find an exercise you like to do, at your level that breaks a sweat at least 3-5 times a week. Body and mind are very connected.

2. Read good books: getting lost in an uplifting, enjoyable novel or self-help book can be a change from the same old thing.

3. Do a kind act for someone once a day: Porn sucks one into a world of selfishness. Without taking thought consciously for others you’ll risk a pitfall into loneliness or depression.

4. Hit your knees and take up prayer: to open yourself up spiritually to a higher power and the pure intelligence that can come from such a connection is at the heart of any recovery.

5. Be industrious: it’s different for everyone, but make sure your time is filled with work that benefits others, energizes you keeper idleness from flooding you with all kinds of temptations and urges.

6. Consider an internet break: a little fast can help you gain perspective and if this is where your problem is will give your some sobriety and time to think about your recovery.

7. Drop the hard music and grab a classical CD or two. Peaceful music has been shown to calm the body and ease stress and merry.

8. Meditation: Breath in and out. Learn to relax man, you’re too uptight!

9. Daily Structure: This can help you get in positive routines that can keep you out of trouble.

10. Positive imaging: Call it visualizing, imaging or whatever else you want, but spending time daily to bring good feelings and pictures into our minds charges us with ability and confidence that leads to better tackling of challenges.

You may feel the need to do all of these. If you’re good at beating yourself up when you don’t do something and you’re know to take on too much at once, pick one to start with. Do it daily for a week, then as you feel good about it, move on to another.

To learn more about sexual addiction recovery sign up below for a free mini-course that teaches principles that have helped thousands recover in clinical settings.

When someone first looks at pornography the thought that immediately precedes the session typically isn’t, “I really hope this one time is enough to get me hooked!” however, this is often all it takes. What once began with curiosity quickly turns into obsession, then with repetition the desire grows until the desire becomes insatiable. As tolerance grows one looks at more and different kinds of pornography to get the same high and can even lead to the desire to act out what is being seen. Danger to self, others and even criminality may be the outcome of what began as an innocent curiosity.

I personally know the pain that occurs in this trap of pornography and have had many friends lose loved ones to the selfish cycle, destroying families and marring character and self-esteem. If you’re trapped in an addiction to porn let me give you three ways to begin now to break free.

1. Get Honest. If you never admit to yourself the true nature of where your addiction has brought you, you’ll never be successful at recovery and full healing. Admit also to yourself the person you really know you are and can be. Let the heavens guide your impressions about yourself. You are powerful and of infinite worth!

2. Get Real. Addictions are almost never stopped alone. You need others. So once you’ve admitted the nature of your addiction and where you want to go, admit it to someone you can trust: a family member, clergyman, a professional counselor or all the above. This breaks a strong chain the addiction has over you.

3. Get Cookin’. Your addiction will not go away with time. You don’t just grow out of it. If it’s a real addiction it will get worse unless you do something about it. It will become easier as you admit to yourself, to God and to others. You’ll then need to take the necessary steps of learning about your patterns, what you need to do to curb it and how to clean up any messes that you made as a result of it.

Porn addiction help is available. You can be free from these chains and you can be free sooner than later. Choose today to get started. That’s all it takes to begin, a choice. Fill in the form to the right for a powerfully free e-course that is helping thousands overcome compulsive sex, pornography addiction and masturbation.

1) Developing a relationship with the divine
2) Having a clear vision of what your life will be like without the addiction
3) Using your ability to choose and act to carry yourself towards that inspired picture of freedom

With these three keys anyone can open the door to freedom and break free from an addiction to porn.

Let me tell you a little bit about myself. I have been addicted to pornography for well over 10 years and I have struggled as if against a tornado to break free. I have made countless promises to myself, my God and to others that I would stop, all of which to this point have been to no avail. I’ve been depressed and hopeless, faithless and apathetic. However, I now have begun to see the light at the end of a very long and very dark tunnel. For whatever reason I kept trying despite my skinned knees and badly bruised self-esteem.

The three keys I listed above may appear trite, but let me attempt to open up their power so you can gain the vision and hope that I have begun to gain on my own journey.

1) Cultivating a relationship with the divine. No, I’m not talking about some mystical, ominous entity that can’t be known or understood. I’m talking about a Father in Heaven that knows all, has all power, deals justly with all his children (you and me), has ample desire to extend mercy to us as much as we will allow him to, and loves us so much that he doesn’t force us to do anything. He, perhaps against what many have been taught, desires to bless rather than punish us. Because of his vision of our great worth and potential we can spend quiet moments each day to ask and learn from Him what those are. We can even come to understand our specific purpose for being here. Try it out and you’ll be surprises. Talk to Him like you would your best friend, openly and honestly. Consistency is a key here as with anything. This leads us to the second key.

2) Developing a vision, a clear picture of where you are going and what your life looks like free from the chains of pornography addiction. This picture, this vivid image will have the powerful to pull you through the dark times to a place of light, hope and joy. You can spend time each day illuminating your mind with these heavenly visions and feelings. They will prepare you to face the strong urges you’ve felt with your addiction.

3) Your connection to heaven and your vision of a perfect self will teach you thin you must do to move towards it, steps to take to progress on you path. When these impressions or thoughts come, write them down. Imagine a powerful and courageous you doing these things, then go out and do them. As you exercise your ability to act you will get more impressions and acting will become easier as you gain confidence in He who is leading you. Your connection to God will become stronger and your vision more clear and more certain.

Follow these three keys as you’re overcoming your porn addiction and you will find great success. For more ideas on breaking a pornography addiction sign up to the right for a free mini-course with principles that have helped thousands break free!

In their book entitled “Willpower is Not Enough,” A. Dean Byrd & Mark Chamberlain explain that one reason we don’t succeed at change despite our continued efforts is that we think we need to force ourselves to refrain, an act of the mind. They explain beautifully that by accessing the power of the heart, by learning to channel our desires, emotions and needs properly we can avoid the daunting waves that can and will sweep over us before they destroy us.

We must know, if we quietly assess the situation, that we are much more capable than we’ve been giving ourselves credit for. We all have value outside our actions. Even the man with the greatest burden is of great worth to God, for he is His son and has the opportunity to obtain all that God has. Even that mans potential beyond imagination.

Breaking free may have seemed impossible up ‘till now, but with God, nothing is impossible! Success is inevitable to one who puts his trust in the Lord. To Him, you’ve already won. Do you wonder why 12 Step programs have been so successful at helping people out of addictions of all types, alcoholism, over eating, gambling, sex addictions, etc.?

One reason in addiction to the connection that one develops with their God in the course of the program is the place of honesty it can bring one to. When one admits before God that they are powerless with out him, they find that his power is more than sufficient. When they surrender their meager control over their addiction they find that the control He provides is much greater than they ever had.

This release may seem counterintuitive, after all, the river rages and you’re determined to fight it. Just let go and you’ll see that the heavens have already orchestrated your safe arrival on the shore.

One other reason that the 12 step programs are so powerful is that they are founded on the principles of personal responsibility and effort. You have been given power to act. You always have a choice even if your capacity has diminished through giving into porn over and over again.

You always have a choice. That choice may be as small as going to a meeting, starting to feast upon the word of God or to open up to a friend or family member, but remember, you always have a choice. As the successful Bob (What About Bob) once learned, “baby steps” is the way to move forward one step at a time.

Here’s one baby step you can take right now to enhance your letting go process: Fill out the form to the right and get access to a free mini-course packed with powerful principles that have helped thousands break their porn & sex addictions!

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Principle 1: There is hope! Addiction is understood very well and there are many who in the chains of porn addiction who have grasped onto that hope and have overcome.

Principle 2: You’re not alone! There are people who know how you feel. There are people tht know how to help and eager to do so. Your addiction is a personal problem, but it affects others as well and can be overcome with the help of others.

Principle 3: You have a choice! Addiction tears down resolve and many often come to a point of feeling like they have no choice – like they were born that way, like there’s nothing they can do, or like the efforts they make are worthless. This is absolutely false. You ALWAYS have a choice and that’s one of the most powerful tools to help you break free.

Now, thinking on the above ideas would be worth your while. Take some quiet moments and let them sink in. Ask yourself how you’ve thought and felt about them in the past and how you feel about them now. When you come to a point of hopefulness consider the following 3 actions you could do immediately to help you move towards freedom from your addiction.

Action 1: What’s most important to you? Take some time to consider and write down the things in life that build you, that make you excited, that bring you a sense of complete and utter joy and fulfillment. This will be a very powerful tool in your recovery. Do something to feel the power of these daily and the strength of your addiction will begin to weaken.

Action 2: Open your heart. Find someone you can trust to share fully what you’re struggling with. You may choose to share with a family member, a clergyman or close friend. This will break the power that your additions holds over you through secrecy. You’ll also realize that you can be loved and accepted and that your addiction may be a challenge to conquer, but it doesn’t determine your worth as a human being.

Action 3: Begin an organized plan. This may be a workbook, an addiction recovery program or going to see a counselor that can work with you to adopt healthy views of sexuality and to discover the joys to be had in freedom from pornography addiction.

If you’d like to learn more please fill in your name and email to the right for a free mini-course or learn a little about Sex Addicts Anonymous.