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You Are A Living House – Let God Do His Work

August 24th, 2010

lewis 217x300 You Are A Living House Let God Do His WorkThe strangely deep thoughts of CS Lewis have always shaken me out of my stale perceptions of life & of Christ ever since I came upon his writings some years ago. Recently I was honored with a chance to interview Jon Snyder with MightyManManual.com for the Honest Answers Podcast and ever since have been eager to read his manual which details his beautiful experience in coming to know God and the deliverance that Christ gives to those who truly surrender all to him.

In chapter 4 of Mighty Man Manual Jon brings up some delightfully”Lewisesque” insights about God and his interaction with his children, us. He says,

“You are God’s workmanship. He is the potter. We are the clay. Hands off the pottery! The sooner you settle that you can take credit for nothing and give God ALL the glory for your victory, the quicker God can work.”

This passage brought to mind an analogy Lewis uses to describe the work that God does within the hearts and lives of those who surrender to him.

“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of — throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.” (Mere Christianity, 1952)

I’m quickly coming to believe the truth in these statements. In my website intro video (YouTube: Stop Porn Addiction) I shared how I have felt like there are a million different answers, but that without something to guide me through it all I would continue to try and fail, get frustrated and eventually give up.

God has a plan for us, but if we insist on setting him straight with our own limited picture of how things we miss out on the grand plans he has in store for us.

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Watch & Pray Always That Ye Enter Not Into Temptation

April 8th, 2010

“Watch and pray,” Jesus said, “that ye enter not into temptation.” (Matt. 26:41.)

I have felt time and again that one of things that leads me into temptation is not being focused. Sometimes when I sleep in I feel groggy upon waking. In this morning haze I often let my mind wander where it wants. If I’ve had a dream that’s sexual in nature my mind can be drawn to that in its foggy state. Not so good.

I’ve grown up learning about morning and evening prayers. In the case I described above, morning prayers are definitely a start to me gaining focus in my morning.

I learned a while ago just how powerful it is to “pray always.” Now of course that doesn’t mean that I’m on my knees all day long, but it DOES mean that I watch all day and pay attention to where my eyes are going, what I’m thinking, what feelings I’m having and what I’m saying and doing…which are an outcome of the first three.

At first it was really hard for me to recognize when I was in a state ripe for indulging. I had just acted so many times on the thoughts & urges that the window of awareness was small, but it’s getting easier. After many prayers and some practice it is becoming easier.

Sometimes it’s hard for me to remained focused on any given plan of attack. I think at times I make it too difficult, too many steps. So, I’m going to recommit myself again and try a simpler plan…3 weeks is the ultimate goal, but I haven’t gone 1 week in a while without giving in to some temptation or another, so I’ll start there.

The things I’m going to do daily

  1. Spirit:
    1. Study the Word
    2. Prayer
  2. Mind:
    1. Practice Face it. Replace it. Connect.
    2. Journaling
  3. Body
    1. Exercise
    2. Good Sleep
  4. Others
    1. Serve
    2. Work

Now that I write it out, it again seems like too much…is it? Eh, I’ll give er a shot. These are all very powerful things in my life. I’m also going to track how well I keep my eyes focused on good things, my thoughts on truth, my hands where they should be :) , and my actions in check.

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    Exercise & Visualize to Minimize Relapse Down Time

    November 23rd, 2009

    Three things that have been different in my life recently. A week ago now I began the Insanity Challenge, an intense aerobic program that is CRAZY! I like to run, but I never sweat and push myself this much. It also came with a diet plan that’s been getting much more nutrition into my diet than I have heretofore had. My sleep hasn’t been regular yet, but I’m working on that. But the exercise program helps me to feel more ready to go to bed by the end of the day.

    The third thing that has been very powerful has been a few changes in my Face it. Replace it. Connect. I started listing to an audio program called The Power of Visualization. In addition to breathing in gratitude and talking truth to my temptations I practiced a little visual spoken about on the CD. Dr. Lee Pulos. He had me imagine where I want to be. Picture it clearly, eliciting my senses of touch, smell, sight, sound & taste.  Next you picture your current state, but don’t give it much energy, you can imagine it in black & white even. Then switch back & forth between the two visions. I found some great motivation doing this. Doing this allowed me to see the GREAT contrast between the  two and I was very excited.

    These three things have given me much more ability to keep myself from wallowing in false beliefs about myself.

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    Slow and Steady

    November 5th, 2009

    I had a friend tell me at the beginning of my journey with Candeo that there was a need to never get ahead of yourself, never try to rush through things. There’s a time to rush and a time to not rush and now is the time to not :) . Well, that sunk in and I have been letting each step of the process take the time it needs to sink in before progressing on to the next step in the process. I have felt strongly that there’s great wisdom in not forcing things.

    As I’ve done this I have at times not moved on for a coupel weeks or more while I try to practice and live a principle. It was been helpful for me. In the past I got quite frustrated with myself when I didn’t move on at a steady and fast pace. I guess I’ve always seen myself as someone capable of learning quickly. In this new journey however, I have given up control of how quick I progress.

    This week has held some hardships for me. My girlfriend and I decided it was best that I figure some things out before we move on with each other. I felt like I was putting the cart before the horse, acting like we’re engaged and such. Well, I know that the Lord is in the details of our lives and I’m dedicated to kick this porn and sexual addiction with the power of God.

    Glory to God!

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    A Slight Change of Focus

    October 15th, 2009

    Over the last couple days I’ve felt a lack of confidence in the efforts I’ve been making to rid my life of pornography, addiction and lust. I guess with the realization that only Christ has power to save I mistakenly thought that I no longer needed to take heed when temptations would come. For a small moment I was thinking that he’d magically swoop in and save me IN my sins.

    However, yesterday as I knelt in prayer and this morning as I was feasting upon the words of Christ I felt a gentle impression that my works ARE important, but that I just needed to remember why I was doing them. My efforts in learning about my addiction and in building skills necessary to face it are not so that I can fill some divine quota that would qualify myself for deliverance from my struggles.

    Rather, my efforts are simply my meager offerings that I place on the altar of sacrifice before my Father in Heaven. I then must plead to him for acceptance of the offering that I know is not enough to save myself. Lastly, I must ask with all sincerity for the blood of his Son to cleanse and free me.

    So, I again am confident that my efforts to change are not in vain. I simply must always keep the focus on my Savior and his ability, his might, his strength, for I of myself am weak. I of myself have been addicted to lust for almost 20 years. The only break in that addiction came when I began to search the words of Christ to find him and then gave myself to service.

    It just hit me now as I’m writing this that I may just be arriving someday soon at the first step of the Alcoholics Anonymous 12 step program:

    I admit that I, of myself, am powerless to overcome my addictions and that my life has become unmanageable.

    I dearly seek the submission necessary to again leave behind my world of addiction and let the Light of Christ fill my heart, magnify my abilities and give me infinite love with which to serve my brothers and sisters here on this earth. Life is too short to spend it in any other way!

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    Foundations in Christ

    October 14th, 2009
    The Master Healer

    The Master Healer

    Pornography is a vicious master. Even when it’s not around I can recall images in my mind and fantasy is a powerful alternative to porn. I have been striving so hard to find a way out of my chains. I have been “working my program” and been very diligent at it, not perfect, but diligent.

    I keep having days I’d best describe as cloudy. Though there are bright rays of hope and peace scattered throughout to keep me moving forward I have also felt dazed by not knowing when I will be free. I struggle because I think that “if I just work the program I’ll be better.”

    Recently as I read a book by a man who struggled with porn and masturbation addiction that overcame it, he cited all the efforts he poured out to try and rid his life of the prison of pornography. He struggled for 30 years and felt hopeless though he kept trying.

    One day it hit him…the answer wasn’t in “trying to be like Jesus” alone, it was in giving his life over to Jesus! Jesus, he rightly stated, is the only name by which mankind can be saved. Thus, any efforts, no matter how great they are insufficient to deliver us from the slavery and sin of addiction.

    Only in Christ as our foundation can we be set free. I have felt that many times, but so often forgotten it as I print out a checklist of all the things that he asked us to do and begin doing them. I get lost in the details and find myself right back in the same trap.

    So, here, I’m admitting that I don’t fully understand the great doctrine of Christ, the kind that saves, but I want to and commit now to seek him out until I know him.

    Just before my religious missionary service I gave myself to a study of the word of God. It wasn’t in the act itself, but it was in what I was looking for that a temporary deliverance came to me while I served. Sober for a year. Alive in Christ. A Mighty Change of Heart. That’s what I want again. Christ, take my heart and make it pure!


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      Early to Bed, Early to Rise…

      October 6th, 2009

      The lure of pornography for me is strengthened when I am lax in my devotion to true ideas, the necessity of adequate sleep being one of them.

      Today for the first time in a while I gave attention to the time I was going to wake up. I did so with the help of my girlfriend. We decided that we wanted to read scriptures together before she started getting ready for the day. I woke up at 5 to do my own study so we could read at 6. Great start to my day! And I was then ready to take the day head on.

      I’ve have tendencies towards having unfocused and unmotivated days, but just this last weekend I put together a schedule and posted it this morning. This has helped me to know where I am going during any given time period throughout the day. It really is like the Cheshire Cat said in Alice in Wonderland, “If you don’t know where you’re going then it doesn’t matter what road you take.” My schedule and waking up early to start the successes rolling first thing has given me some great energy!

      john tenniel cheshire cat Early to Bed, Early to Rise...

      There is so much energy and power in accomplishing goals when it comes to breaking the strength of a sexual addiction. Sitting around being lost in space only gives my mind ample time to wander onto sexual thoughts. And if I’m tired, bored or lonely it only makes those thoughts all the more enticing to invite in.

      I’m grateful for the power of action. We’re all so much more capable than we think. We simply need to define our goal and act in small ways daily until we arrive there. I’ll talk about goal setting tomorrow. It was also on my mind today.

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      Schedule to Prevent States of Indulgence

      October 4th, 2009

      A schedule has always been something hard for me to stick to. Even the very act of creating one at times is painful to me. It’s not because I don’t want to, because I want to be “free.” In fact, I really love and am energized by the process of creating a schedule, it’s just that I’m so detail oriented that I often get lost in all the possibilities and never complete a schedule; or if I do, I tend to get lost in all the things that I didn’t anticipate that need to get done during the day that I didn’t put on my schedule. The truth of the matter is, if you fail to plan you plan to fail.

      Another thing that affects my state of mind is becoming frustrated at not getting things accomplished. When I have no focus like a schedule can provide I tend to do whatever comes into my mind. That’s not that bad all the time as I do fairly often review my goals and what I want to accomplish, however, I do tend to jump more from one activity to the next whenever the thought comes.

      This distracted jumping around from subject to subject without persisting to finish much of anything leads to frustration. Frustration is a common feeling that I’m learning to handle better via Candeo pornography program. However, when I’m in a frustrated state and a stimulus presents itself I’m pretty susceptible to jumping on any thought there, such as “look at pornography“, “you need to masturbate“, or “you got some good sexual thoughts, it’s time to think ‘em.” I don’t usually put words to those moments of temptation, but perhaps that’s a good idea for I can then face them.

      The next step if I don’t recognize and interrupt the thought/impulse is to rationalize with something like, “just a little won’t hurt” or “I am just going to get online or go in that store.” I’ll then get close to the edge so temptation is closer, but without actually indulging in it, a foreplay of sorts I guess. Again, if I don’t face it, replace it and connect I’ll start to fantasize, self-stimulate or “stumble upon” the temptation until I”m acting out the thought that came to me.

      So, With a better understanding of what can happen when I don’t plan and keep focused on tasks I’m going to again get back on a daily schedule. I’ll have more patience this time. As I recognize important tasks that I need to add to my schedule I’ll do so and move on.

      So to sum up, focus = reduced frustration = better state of mind = better ready to handle sexual stimuli.

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      Sexual Dreams

      October 2nd, 2009

      Sexual dreams are one thing that I can say isn’t new. In the past I’ve felt bad about having them, like I’m some type of pervert or bad person for having them. I think I felt that way before because I was still not consciously convinced that I could get out of my pornography addiction. They reminded me of my addiction and so I was scared. When those dreams would come into the scene of my mind I’d often wake up aroused and self-stimulate.

      I have since come to a very different opinion of dreams. After looking a little into what dreams are I’ve felt some comfort in the thoughts of some dream researchers. Some believe that dreams are ways for our subconscious minds to work out answers to problems that we have during the day.

      One researcher had worked with a girl that had been raped and was continually having nightmares about being overpowered by some man. She was told to enter her dreams and face her attacker. When she did her bad dreams stopped. Facing her fears brought about resolution.

      [dream video]

      Dreams have meant quite a bit to me over the years. I have spent time thinking about the things that happen in my dreams and felt some pretty powerful meanings arise. In one dream I stood in front of a classroom for some sort of show and tell. I had a little red pig that my girlfriend at the time had given to me. As I stood up there I felt embarrassed in front of the classroom, so I make fun of the pig. Everyone laughed, but I saw at the back of the room my girlfriend run away crying. I was unaware that she had been there, but at that moment I knew that I had something in my life that was important that I wasn’t treasuring as I should. Upon thinking about that meaning I was able to clearly identify something in my waking life that I needed to take more seriously.

      I am grateful for my dreams and even thought I don’t fully understand them I am glad I have them.

      After I woke up this morning I turned on a podcast by Candeo’s Mark Kastleman about Dealing with Erotic Dreams. One thing that I like about what he said was that we can approach waking from our dreams in the same way that we approach any other stimulus or trigger, with facing it, replacing it and connecting. We can do some gratitude breathing if we feel aroused and then give the dream the meaning that we want, replacing old beliefs that keep us trapped as prisoners to those dreams.

      He suggested that if it’s too powerful we put in an inspiring movie or some powerful music to help us vividly connect with our motives and goals. And if by chance we wake up in the middle of the night and feel like there’s no way to connect he suggested journaling as a powerful way to connect with other. We could even write a letter to a friend or plan out some service we’re gonna do 1st thing when we wake up.

      Breaking from the topic of dreams, I felt like I haven’t been as diligent the last couple of days in my recovery. I haven’t spent time learning or practicing that much. I’m not going to beat myself up for it, so I want to remember some of the great things that I’ve chosen to do. I have been with my girlfriend each day after work and have shared some sweet moments with her and her daughter. Last night we built a fort in their front room and roasted hot dogs and marshmallows over the fire in their fireplace. Good times!

      I choose to avoid being complacent and am recommitting to being vigilant in my recovery and I’m excited to learn and grow each day.

      Glory to God!

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      Failure or Forward? Learning from Slip-Ups

      September 30th, 2009

      So, yesterday I reported that I talked to my girlfriend about my all-night indulgence. I found it very rewarding to take her to lunch and ask her how she was feeling about it all. She expressed frustration that we have something so amazing and real and that I still have a need to turn to something so void of real connecting and empty of love.

      That said, she was also very encouraging and complemented me on my progress. We’ve both seen people that have chose to give up when the battle gets hard. They listen to the negative self-talk and believe that they aren’t worth while, that they can’t do it, that there is no God, that they’re just made that way or that there’s nothing even wrong with the course they’re choosing.

      I have come to see that there are laws of human nature just as there are laws of physics, math or biology. When those laws are followed, we obtain freedom. When we ignore them, fight against them or don’t see them we still must suffer the consequences that come not living in harmony with those laws.

      It was a very good day yesterday because I stood up after I fell, brought it to light and evaluated the situation so I’m more aware for next time.

      Mark Kastleman, a co-founder of the porn recovery program I’m going through did a podcast in May all about failure. He was reviewing research out of Stanford University. He said there are two types of mindsets one can have towards falling down: A growth mindset or a fixed mindset.

      With a growth mindset our brain enters a state of focus, learning and growth when we make a mistake because we become alert to the problems as we seek to find out new ways to approach the situation and affect change. When our mind is “fixed” we see mistakes as failures and don’t try to change. Mistakes are only failures when we stay down.

      As was aptly stated by Mr. Wayne, the father of classic superhero Batman, “Why do we fall Bruce? So we can learn to pick ourselves back up.”

      Note: Mark’s podcast was part of an ongoing subscription to the Candeo addiction recovery program. Other great topics discussed in these podcasts are: ADHD and Addiction, Healthy Sexual Relations in Marriage, Dealing with Erotic Dreams, The Amazing Power of Journaling & How Porn Radically Alters the Brain.

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